where does it all go?

the trek, the mesmerizing experiences, the enlightened Awareness, the pulsing Orb of All. in the middle it looks like rings around a giant gas ball floating in emptiness. Beautiful! but from a larger perspective, insignificant.All knowing, seeing, feeling being, all are some thing, there is only nothing beyond. Giving up all for that, for one empty bag of nothing seems unfair. Whats so mature or true or meaningful about that. The door only opens one way - out - beyond experience and all the good stuff. Outside - the unknown and seemingly useless other no-stuffs.
Those that return never touch all the way down. They seem to look askance at all this mud dwelling and filth we seem to have become to them. They warn of the danger of remaining in this lower state.
I feel like im heading out like a private in the army heading to Omaha beach, seeing my body floating in 4 feet of water, bleeding uselessly, another extra in the movie of life, and for what? That taste of the last lucky strike, the last kiss of some hooker, a hale and hearty bon voyage from mom and dad and sis?
the other side looks like a graveyard from here, Boot Hill, Tombstone, The OK Corral and im on the wrong side.I'm still thinking maybe Jed Clampett and the texas tea party - ole Jeds a millionaire, moving to Beverly Hills.
Thats me looking at this side of the coin, the shiny side with all the engravings where it says in god we trust and has a value stamped right on it. That other side, the empty faced building, the flip side the b-side, Where's the Love?
I'm not avoiding, just having the last reasonable conversation with myself, the facts stated as i see them and checking my reality quotion on the Bullshit meter. Whats on this side of the page, the one with everything, versus that blank on the other side.
Is truth that restrictive, no room for resistance, no place for all the rest of existence, just that chunk of no other, wouldn't that mean ALL ONE not ALL NONE. everything AND nothing, not just one or the other, just not other period.
I'm not other, in this, All of it. I awake in me and everything is as i created it. This moment is now and i am here pulsing with aliveness. All things are mine and nothing is everywhere. What I AM is not me and what is not me I AM. Let this Be Always, the never ending emptiness filled but never done, devoured at the end of time, but never destroyed in the eternal nothing of I.