I wouldn't ask

for something i didn't want. Sure, i know people do it all the time. Some gaudy bauble or tricked up goody becomes the reason for existing. This isn't like that. The hotel room in town, instead of out in the boonies in a shared room, out by the rice paddies.Thats worth asking for. Maybe the universe is listening and hearing myself. Just like the grace to accept who i am without fully knowing, just what that requires. Doing what is in front of me, not hiding from the necessity of change.
After a lifetime of doing, its time to let a higher order of the natural self take over.That enigmatic growth regulator that brings on energetic puberty in this physical being, allowing me to experience  a more expanded awareness of the self-being connection-flow-nature. my body talk and mind speak go silent, the unheard dimensions of the psychic open and listens to the universal forces at work everywhere in me. Theres no more little me-Big World. Its all me, the cosmos of knowing. Where i am is the focus of the unlimited energy being expressed as my consciousness. I am the universe breathing and knowing and loving every thing. The membrane of the small self is ripped away and all the glory of existence is my new home.
No longer the perceiver, the perceived and the process of perceiving, One only remains and all sense of separation has disappeared with the change.
I experience the integration going on, experiencing lingering notions of i-self. the molecular matrix still exists and each cell has its role to play and still experiences the membrane and mitochondriatic functions.
I exist as a particle in the wave of all becoming, the organizing principle of potential in the endless ocean of energetic consciousness. All occurs simultaneously without the interruption of time or space. What can there be before or after within the openess, the unending being realized, known, become. the truth is never changed or created. It is eternally now and only the illusion shifts as billions of modes of perception spring into awareness, absorbing consciousness, detaching themselves from everything reducing to bite size pieces, bits and bytes of perception,the unalterable totality of truth-awareness-contraction-expansion-destruction-emergence-creation -everything and nothing, All within, All at once, Unsegregated, undivided, beyond question. what knoweth man within his skin suit and mind slice of life?
the part that confuses is experience. there is no direct experience of totality. Experience requires a field upon which to base its reaction, for all experience is a reaction of the i.There has to be a negative to know the positive, duality generates the experiential field. This allows the EX part of experience to EX-ist, the out of meaning of the term.
Ex-Per-I-Ence - other see me ness, i see other ness. the out of self perceives the self through the self. In totality there is no other, experience disappears. Pure awareness exists without an observer or the observed or the act of observing. Other cannot exist.
Explaining takes Experience so I have to create a separate self to both experience and explain what happens. But who is being explained to and why would that happen?
All includes everything and that sense of separation is somewhere in the process, though not the totality. The continuum of becoming the totality has no beginning or end. The self swallowing Worm of Osboros never starts or ends but functions as an entirety of the process. We sit upon the scales and cut up the pieces we are given and call that life. At some point the scales fall away and nothing can be judged anymore on the tiny scales of discrimination.
I see the only, the nothing-everything dissolve with my knowing becoming. That which has been, becomes and what bright light and wonder i am.