Thursday, December 26, 2013

the veil lifts momentarily

the veil lifts momentarily, light ascends with the winds whipping the fog like clouds through the stream of air around the mountain, shielding the sun that shines full moon like through the rushing train of clouds in the sky. the air is chill with moisture and I am soaked in sweat, even stopping to catch my breath is a universe of improbabilities, freezing in the overheated flesh, soaked in sweat that is both hot and cold, I experience the unlikeliest feeling of disconnection and illusion, this is not my body and I am not a passenger on this journey. somewhere the engine runs and the hand upon the tiller is neither real nor mine, yet there is no doubt I am running the projector but the screen and the film are from some ancient archive and seated below are every one of me, each imagining that this movie is my life and each certain that the individual is the only one. barriers of space and time compete to separate each experience, produce thoughts of singular nature and disconnection, yet only one screen reflects and one projector plays, but for each there is no other and alone the world shrinks to a pinpoint of existence that has no foundation. in this unmerciful configuration, I exist, alone, distant from everything else, yet even as I stand on the rock in the wind on the mountain, I become the sky and the sun and the whipping winds surrounding everything. where am I, perhaps is a better question, for the who is too mysterious to separate from this flesh and bone of desires. life lust impatience, I give it away to know, to drop this moment in time into the well of existence and unexamine what is happening. not knowing is the only truth, for these lies of self and nonsense of no self dismember and disembowel the sanity of life. one creature alone has no place yet exists without time, without knowing, just being. but everyone is that loneliness that unseparated self, the silence that sound cannot penetrate. sitting in an agony of penetrating force, there is no comfort from what is called the spiritual existence, for as the truth descends the self is destroyed in increments, each a cutting a peeling an excision and a revision, until the idea that anything remains is lost and what is the truth becomes a shambles of disconnected pieces crumbling. to not know is divine and to just be the truth. there is no teaching the path, no guide for the journey to nowhere. become one and listen to the mountain, it rocks.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

try to capture the sun

try to capture the sun, the source, to shine eternally alone in space, bringing life and all its miracles into being, yet never to be that but to sacrifice an eternity to giving, this solar system, this tiny parsec of space, one lives as an outpost, behind barricaded walls and guarding the prize that has no value but is desired above all, the self, the tiny creation of birth, the thing so fragile it only exists in the illusion of the mind and disappears each night when sleep overtakes the soul. always watchful protecting all it is and all it wants, and thinking this is mine and mine alone, as if some dream can possess you after waking. the sweetness of life is its brevity, its eternal change, the lightness of its joys and the density of its destructions. I cast my hopes into the waters of the flowing river and they are gone, the childish thoughts of younger days for that is long past, I see now the oceanic truth that once begun this voyage has no end. we few gathered on the deck of the ark of truth, sailing the ocean of love, casting only our own lives into the endless waves, there is no destination, only the waters and the shoreline so far distant, each an island and each the whole world round clamoring for time, more time, to have more do more more and more. the last refugees board the good ship surrender, each deposits whatever they have on the shore before boarding, and climb aboard alone and naked. there is nothing on the ship, no lights, no music, no books no food, and no place to go. the waves push the hull and the wind guides the sails, and every shore is a foreign destination, a carnival of passion and pleasure, but there is no port called home. this is the voyager of the spirit, apart from the world yet always in it, experiencing everything, as through a heavy cloth, for all is the veil of the material world and the casting of the senses into the pool of desires. to want to need this life above all, and to let go of that like tossing the lamp overboard in the moonless night, and letting the stars guide everything. what matter the having when there is no one to have. the boat will dock where it is taken and some get on and some jump off, but always the waters widen, the minds drifts to the directionless distances and the heart becomes the waters filling everywhere. only the source of life sustains and the lone experiencer continues in devotion to the sun.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

just as consciousness

just as consciousness is not located anywhere in physical space yet seems to float both inside and outside of the body, so too is the divine being not located anywhere in this world yet seems to be everywhere. once you become self conscious, that is to realize that you are experiencing consciousness from an individual point of view, there is a separation that is created between what you experience and what everyone else experiences. here in the center of your consciousness is the center of your universe and from it flows all the sense of self. in fact that sense of self is a creation of the mind that is used as a filter on your consciousness, to exclude the sense of being connected to all consciousness, for consciousness exists everywhere and in all things both animate and inanimate but the filter of self removes that from your experience. this is actually to allow you to develop your awareness as a functioning unit in the beginning stages of life, during childhood and puberty so that the human can function and survive. once complete though it is not time to stop developing but time to start letting go of these beliefs of separateness and isolation. what is known as empathy compassion psychic connection are the next stages of development and without them the human life becomes stunted at the level of a spoiled child, sure that its needs and thoughts take precedence over everyone else's and so goes through life unaware of what the true nature of this existence is. as one develops these additional senses and lets go the filter of ego on the consciousness the sense of separation dissolves and the being of truth and love evolves within. so it is true in every stage of the process, to find the pockets of stubborn resistance to evolution and to root them out so that the light of divine consciousness can fully flow through the receiver being opened within. as the receiver collects the force of pure love and truth so it becomes that, not just a collector of the force but in turn becomes the transmitter to all around it. consciousness is the same in all, but the filters are all unique and divergent as each mind develops differently in the process of self absorption. so its is not the individual nuances that must be dealt with as each requires an enormous amount of attention that only strengthens the sense of separation and isolation. rather the mechanism that creates illusion, filtering reality through a virtual reconstruction, must be eliminated. this is the mind, shut off the mind and the process is ended. then the pure flow of consciousness can be felt. stopping the mind requires rejecting the trains of thought, the emotional reactions, chemical reactions that the separate self requires. fears, judgements, explanations all barriers to direct experience of the flow of consciousness. through renunciation of self indulgence, silence and meditation one can reduce the function of the mind and its control over the flow of consciousness. but even more powerful is to surrender to the divine being with faith and lay down all claim to the objects and attachments in life. give up the struggle to the divine and let thy will not mine be your mantra. all love flows from an open consciousness, finding only joy to be alive.

where enlightenment ends

where enlightenment ends, devotion begins, as the self disappears into the divine then the divine disappears from the self, for only the divine remains and sees only that in everything. for what is enlightenment but the end of the self, the final traverse from the mind to the heart and the endless ocean of love that flows through every atom of this creation, pulsing through the being that is the source of all existence. devotion is the plunge into unknowable depths of faith and surrender that all is the supreme, unending beyond any sense that the individual can experience. it is the individual self that is enlightened through its own dissipation into the undefined infinite, the divine self only remains and is in love with its own creation and all the purity and love that it is made of. here only can true devotion begin, until this moment only faith exists as the self like a cork floating on the ocean trusts that the currents carry him gently, for there is no destination but the everlasting sea of being, and the depth of love that has created this dream of life separate and seeking to lose itself once more in its own beauty and wonder. I flow without destination, becoming the source of all things and the light of creation in one unending vibration unleashing all things and all the inevitable possibilities until each and every have been let go and the force dispersed through every distance and direction. all is one as each was once so separate and between all things nothing exists but the source in love with its manifesting vibration and experiencing that through the process of enlightenment of its creation, the loss of separate consciousness and the unending devotion of the supreme soul through love that is given to all that is manifested. we perch upon the branch that grows from the roots of our soul and see outward the proof of our existence, the wondrous beauty and harmony of all things, and even as the eyes close so does the heart open to feel the force of unending love that carries every soul through the passage of separation to the unification of the divine creation in every particle of existence. we are the dust of the universe and the universe is made of dust, filled with the force that enlivens and directs every particle, for the only self is the being of devotion, eternally merging and transforming everything in the fire of existence. to know you are alive is to know that life, this life this conscious recognition of living is joy. once the joy is free there is no end of love. once the sense of separation ends, devotion is the natural state, until then have faith.

Friday, December 6, 2013

though I have all I could want

though I have all I could want, I give more to more and more for everyone is in need, though their souls are full, the flesh is empty. need, suffering, desire, temptation, we are all subject to the side effect of existence, of living in flesh, the heart though pure in truth, is beating like a hot fist in the human chest, the blood filling every vein and muscle with life and with desire. from this comes suffering, for the flesh is always stimulated always keening for more, for without more, there would be none and then life would stop. so suffering goes on and on, the least of us and the greatest both with the same muscle, the same needs, the same embodiments of the spirit in flesh. I find where there is an opening, to give, without want or need and relieve in me that pressure, and let go some of the fleshy clinging. in meditation, consecration, service, devotion all love floats on the water, as oil burns away the liquid, swimming upon the waves of joy immersed in love, all life deepens and purpose finds the current, carrying one without effort. what is needed is given, what is asked for is received, this life a sanctuary, a reclusion from the totality of being into the monasticism of self, to lose the divine and rejoin the human if only for a short while, to know true peace where all are in need. all life succumbs to the universal, molded in its force and shaped by its powers that have no end or beginning, only presence. and in the lamp of infinitesimal light we see only the fraction that is allowed and from this there is enough to give everlasting truth to every heart. let the earth become the night and still the light would be shining from within, for there is no light or dark but only the love that brings the two together. we become the summation of the process of attraction and repulsion, the end of differences and the result of our own giving, for what we are is each end every become all and then none for in one there is no other and we find ourselves gone into our own heart.


earthsealove is born, a manifesting force of the divine within the physical portion of universal being. i exist where the earth and sea are creating love, becoming the lovers of this great home we are all a part of. in the midst of living all things come from this tremendous union, earth and sea. the great Darwinian process and gods laboratory for life, the sacred life world peace eternal love sanctuary. the entire universe is seeking this nexus of truthloveforce here. to be born into this magical land miracle of miracles we are part of the creation part of the experience all of the love that exists and is passed from earth to sea from mother to child from water to soil and growing as a garden of earthly spirits imbued with divine resource and pure intention, each a dream a light a figment of an idea, let loose into the tapestry of existence, to bring about the most radical change of the structure and purpose of all creation, to become not just sentient, not just conscious, but universally immersed in the creation of divine evolution. there is no small being only gigantic forces imagining all to be and joining in the creation of a universal play of love between the elements of all existence. each loving the other and holding in devotion to the truthlovesanctuary of that creation, we join and realize there is no other place but the earth and sea. the light and dark, the empty and the expansion beyond. into this light love expansion all things go and through the light we see and enjoy the creation. here there is choice and possibilities and miracles, here all can come together for there is no other but ourselves. we are one and the same, all interchangeable and unique. becoming the universal and the finite at once, in earthsealove the oceans cover the earth even as the earth supports the sea and through all of what we call home there is unending love.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

sometimes I think after

sometimes I think after I act and then notice that what was done is perfect or maybe just necessary. ha story of our lives. but its the inner beauty coming out, the magic moment when the mind is disengaged and the truth has no filter, the reactor is reacting, the world stops to watch and what is going on inside is let loose. that's the karmic world alive with the unconsciousness of its own energy. I suppose that's what my last note was about, just reacting in the moment to the concept that anything makes sense, but their are rules, and whether Buddhist or catholic or hindu or muslim, agnostic or atheist, the flow of the divine demands certain rituals be made and principles observed. me for example, its necessary to remain pure and diet clean of animal, exercise and meditation daily, then the quiet energy of the force awakens within and I create a flow from every cell of the world around me to every cell of my being and there is a simplicity of seeing the oneness and the doneness of all living things. I become the result of existence, the solution to the equation using the Occam's razor of the single truth over any dualistic sense. it is life and love and being that becomes one in the completed nature of the human Being becoming just Being in the moment.
this morning I ascend the Mountain, Arunachala, the manifestation of Shiva who is real here and beyond understanding but in the heart of me there is no doubt and I go to follow his rocky face and sweat buckets of love upon the dirt. this is my path and it is the most difficult because even I cannot explain it, but it is the I within that takes me there. I wish you could feel this moment, reunited with the most divine life, knowing there is nothing else and letting go of the shreds one held up for reason. now the self collapses into its portions of needs and wants and unhappy confessions and only the truth remains to go on. I surrender this life again and again to the path of love and truth, for both are needed to become the truthlovelight that flows through all creation, and from that condensed nature all things come, all improbabilities possible and life as man is his own creator becomes a finished work and from here the path is ended. I collapse and get up both a changed reality and the unending moment shivering in the nakedness of my own awakening.beyond this life I reach to the end of the body and the birth of the soulbeing to one heart beating in all and onebeing feeling everything.

Monday, November 25, 2013

the impossible exists

the impossible exists only to instruct, for it is in the struggle to attain that change can actually begin. as long a there is complacency, the process has no opening, it is when the system is in conscious conflict that there is a possibility of true learning. for it is not the mind that has to learn but the heart, to open to enliven to deepen to trust. listening to a divine spark within requires faith and surrender, neither of which exist in the human desire system. it can be said that a man truly addicted to a drug or person or an object can learn many truths about what can be let go to obtain that which is most precious, it is always only a shift in the consciousness that creates the opening to see the divine in every action. the secret to divine life is to live it. in every day, there is the opportunity to do divine work, to perform sacred action, to live in a sacred manner. all around there is direction given, clues and obvious suggestion and opportunities abound, all driven by the divine being, showing the way. never is the seeker allowed to be disconnected from the influence of the force that is supreme and everywhere and in everything. but the seeker and non seeker alike are allowed to see or not to see the obvious truths that are all around, from every interaction there is opportunity and choice to go further into the divine or to wait upon the sidewalk looking into the window full of dreams. for it is the thing that needs to open that is needed, the heart that cannot see with its eyes focused on the daily problems and frustrations, to open to the possibilities for love that each being carries and unconsciously or consciously displays to everyone around. seek not the divine in emptiness for that is a hard heart to see, but rather in each being you meet everyday, and soon the one divine truth will enter the prepared heart, one open to the light and seeing it above all others knowing it is ever present and always there.

Monday, November 18, 2013

i have climbed the Arunachala

i have climbed the Arunachala within, seen not the wall of the mountain outside me or the distance to be walked, but gone within and found the height and length of the obstacles and become more than that, traveled their boundaries and found love surrounding all. there is a lightness and joy that cannot come from action or achievement but from being the country one lives in. this heart a golden light is the shining mountain and this awareness the road that never ends. i am ready now to go without to be with all and to cover any distance or explore any unknown way. the light has truly come and with it freedom is bought without any price but in moments of purity and absolution. oh divine soul let this small part become your servant and lover your smallest treasure and eternal companion. i set before you this life unworthy as i have been and pray for your acceptance without measure. i cannot see the ends of your divine light and though darkness be all around it cannot obscure any part of you. let this heart sing the song of the morningales and fly forever in your skies. i exalt in your existence and my finding you everywhere i go. what cannot be found now cannot be lost and nothing knows you as i do. eternal night and perpetual sunrise giving everything and taking nothing that is not yours, divine essence of all tastes and sweetness, each pungence and odor of the burning wick, i adore thee and cannot live without you. let this soul be yours alone and none other, this heart beats with your love and cannot live without you. i am nothing and in this emptiness you have come and only that joy can bring me to you and you in me, forever.

what matter which god

what matter which god i choose or choose not to choose? this truth of existence does not change and my role in it remains what it has always been, the experiencer of the awareness, the agent of the heart, the light bearer or the seer of the light, neither is the one but is a part of the totality of the have been for a few moments the one and the experiencer of the one, that is enough to be. this world is but the holder of the flame, the keeper of the sacred oil, the striker of the match, but the burning is one and the same for all. from the emptiness i come and to that barren field return, for this is but the nightshade and the daylight passing over, the eyes open and emptied of the dreams just passed. i have not left this world but i also have not remained unawakened, just confused by the karma and the unending punishment of life. for some its a party, a joy a gathering, but from this life it weighs like an anchor and never lets go, the only place left is inward ever inward and from that journey there is no return. but to what is there to come back to, there is no home, no forgiveness and no change, just the streak of light and the darkness it traverses. i love and love is changed to need, i give and the taking empties the soul. what is life what is death, what is love or awareness. none exist but in the perception and what perceives, what is aware, alive. for this body carries no truth and this mind holds only the outline of the form not the truth within the boundaries and without. beyond this life i lived without body without mind without world, where am i now if not there but imagining here, or am i here imagining there, or is there not a difference but the mind collapses in trying, for who exists but the force that animates each life like a puppet and a string, pulled every which way but loose and always dangling without a life of its own, is it my own hand that lifts the cord and jerks the dancing figure, there cannot be another for everything is me and nothing is free of that whether in this word or any other no matter what the self may be. to know is not enough for the experiencer, but is everything to the knower. live as though love is and it becomes your existence, let it go and the totality of knowing cannot fill the hole that remains.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

there is no end to life

there is no end to life but there is an end to living. the truth of life the being in the center is forever alone and has no place to be, that is the endless truth and in living the experience changes as all things do and there is clinging to the other and holding to a thing because we feel the center is shifting and is not in the self but somewhere outside. the heart seeks love just as the body seeks nourishment and in the absence of that there is hunger. what am I but the one the individual and the everything and the absence of self that contains nothing.i seek nothing but I feel the disconnection from that which was my home and my friends and now there is only the absence where before the flow was present. yet nothing has changed but the illusion of who I am and the place I inhabit and the world that is but the accumulation of the beliefs I seek to let go. this is just another way to live, without and empty not adding on more and more to a world that is filled already. the love is only in me and nowhere else, its not for the lazy heart to just drink at the spigot of anothers creation, there is no other and there is no one near. I am lost and cannot be found, for where everything is is not where I am. how to be less and not more, not up or down not needy but fulfilled in a world of deathless circumstance and lifeless meanings, I take the walk but go nowhere, eat yet have no appetite, sleep without rest, the world swirls and falls into emptiness around me. yet nothing changes nothing is lost or found, the moment reveals itself and I am there without any effort or desire. can this be love, not wanting but having what is not needed.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

the well of meditation

the well of meditation, emptying the context of consciousness, all content removed, all thought rescinded, alone in the emptiness, there is no place or position, the body gone, the light unseen, not an absence but undifferentiated, no movement of senses or experience, the cave of the inner world turns inside out and becomes everything. one singular unexpressed, untapped potential without expression, endless as well as unbegun, in this place  recognize the everlasting truth, the being unadorned, untouched, that which in life is the spirit sense of the untouchable self, the innermost radiance, that permeates everything but is not a part of the thing itself. there is only this and all else is the race to escape from it, to create the castles in the sky and the dreams of unending brilliance to become to create to add on and on. but what persists, what is unchanging and true in all of this, the container of the consciousness that has no content, no experience no virtual existence no sensation that creates desire, or desire that creates satisfaction that turns to dissatisfaction that becomes anger and wants more. nothing is the truth, everything is the deceiver, the world of the make believe that has ends and beginnings and cannot remain still but is forever in flux, changing, that robs all sense of truth from the experiencer and dissolves into the formless both before and after its expression. where did you come from, where are you going to, who are you. this breath of consciousness that bubbles up from the void and collapses again there leaving nothing, the instant of existence is burst and gone, just as it begins it ends and the experience so great soon is as if it never existed. the layers of the illusion are deep and the permutations of the dreamers unimaginable. yet it is irresistible and can never be stopped in its overwhelming power, it is all and everything will forever change  and ultimately be destroyed and used as fuel for the next movement for what can power this unending production but the force of belief and the attachment to the drama, all are prisoners of this seductive maya and their own creators of their illusion. only the truth dispels all suffering and madness. only the emptied being, returning to the universal unborn undying state can know freedom even as the world crashes all around. there is   a truth and it has no existence. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

each morning, I walk

each morning, I walk, along the mountain standing above the san andreas fault, looking to the west, to the sea where santa maria and the coastal communities lay. there is only consciousness that walks, only the divine, the manifesting satchitananda of being created and experiencing its own creation. alone atop the world diving into the layers and layers of experience, becoming the separated self and then rising to the surface where all life exists. to become one piece of the floating debris and yet sunk deep into the ocean of being not separated but divine in every particle every skin cell, every molecule of being human that is the divine wish, the pure expression of the force the universal force that wishes all existence to be. and to know its being, to be conscious in the moment of all that has brought being into matter and expressed it as this entity of its manifestation, this experiencer that becomes the experienced the lover that becomes loved, the father that is the child and the birth that becomes lost in the world of endless birth and the death that is lost in the unending destruction, for what exits but change and what comes but it goes and all life is perfection of the moment and the corruption of that into the past. holding onto the pavement with feet ancient and movement through all time and space into a realm of undivided attention the world streams like water filling every nook and cranny of the surface of the world, every crack and crevice and then rising like an eternal ocean burying all semblance of feature or difference and in the unstoppable sea all things melt and become the source of what is and know only that sameness that pure being of the universal self. and then the water flows into the center of the world and the fresh nature of differentiation returns, in every detail unique and splendid, natural and unnatural all things as they are radiate the divinity within and gratitude for that, for the purity of all that has no beginning or end that incorruptible truth that is the source and is the expression and is the experience of existence. and this life this moment is that for everyone.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

on the world of Tea

on the world of Tea in tealand where everyone has a giant teapot on their heads, their tea is everything, they start as little tea cups with a tea bag and their parents add their teas to the cup, then their friends and teachers, as they grow they learn to transform their teacups into teapots. everyone carries their tea with great pride and talk about how their tea was fashioned, some are dark and bitter some light and fresh, and everyone shares tea at tea time and its almost always tea time. well this tea was handed down through generations and this is a brand new improved tea and tea tea tea all the time. one day a fine young teapot went wandering down the well kept miles of tea gardens and tea plantations and decided to go exploring in the tea mountains where he heard exotic herbs and spices could be found to mix into his tea. after a few days of wandering through the forests and mountains where he had sampled some of the very strange plants he had found and experienced wonderful flavors and scents he never before imagined, he came upon a small cave, as he peered inside he saw a horrible sight, a t-man without his teapot, he looked like a ragged shaggy mound seated upon the dirt. he rushed in to see if the poor pot was alive, it lay next to the shaggy mound barely distinguishable from the rocks and dirt, it had lost all its teapottiness. he heard the mound make some noise and he bent to see if the teaman was alive. the shaggy face spoke softly, let me put on my teapot so you will understand what I have to say. and he placed the battered old pot on, the boy asked why he didn't have a pot and what possessed him to live without tea. tea is what life is isn't it? the old man beckoned the boy closer and spoke, boy, he says, how can you fill a tea cup that is already full? you must first empty your pot before you can drink my wisdom. go sit upon the rock outside and pour out your tea. then can you enjoy the true tea of life. there is a vast ocean of tea, it is the source of all teas, and one drop from this ocean renders all other teas unnecessary. this divine tea fills every pot forever never ending with a taste that none can describe. but I cannot mix this tea with the foul brew that you have filled yourself with. go out and enlighten you pot so it may be filled with nectar unlike any you have ever tasted. so the boy, intrigued went out and sitting very still he opened the spigot of his pot and let his tea go, emptying emptying until only the dregs remained. he reentered the cave and sat still as the old man instructed him, focus on the emptiness within your pot, there is no tea that you are, you are not your tea, there is a deeper tea, a tea that flows like a river through everything. don't resist the tea become its depth and its flavor, one you have never tasted, you don't fill you pot with this tea, you become the tea, you are the tea. there is no pot, there is no cup there is no saucer, there is only the ever widening ocean of tea and from it all teapots are filled. this is abundance my son, this is everlasting tea and no teaman has created this tea, this is the tea of the universal pot, the never ending tea of all existence. you are this tea and this tea is you. you were created to find this tea within, not to create your own tea but to share in the universal tea of creation from which all others teas were made. now let go of your pot and feel the freedom of potlessness, for within you all tea resides.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

each one of us is Christ

each one of us is Christ and the crucifixion, joan of arc and the burning stake, looking for the one true thing that makes this life meaningless in the face of its absolute necessity, the spark that devours all in its conflagration and destruction, leaving only the manifest proof of the divine in our consciousness. this world has lost its meaning in the play of greed and power, every life a pawn and few knights or castles remain in the game. the world tilts with the inequities and preponderance of unconscious negligence and self directed actions, forgetting the complete sacrifice of love that brought each into this existence. giving from the heart is all we have, and accepting from the humble soul this tiny role is enough to change even the entire world if done with sincere love and heartfelt intention, for its not the work we do but that we do work and we give all from our heart as we do it, not for a reward but for its own joy, to be alive to be giving and to be able to give, no heart is too small no gift too unimportant, for one touch of love changes the world, everyone is pulled to its soft sweetness and like a childs happiness brings a smile into every heart. life is for the living, the giving, the transforming of moment to moment the experience of love. one heart unwound, turned from the self to the world, filled with the purity of who everyone is, in their deepest soul, in their quest to change for the better, there all things are possible, all feelings true and manifesting dreams built not on sacrifice and suffering but on surrender and gratitude, for no god requires the end of love to begin this work, but only the acceptance of the love that is already there, one small gift that never stops giving, your life and everyone sharing their heart, not to create the world but to accept the one that is already perfect.

Saturday, July 13, 2013


stretching, the muscles pull and resist, let go and contract, each a part of the whole, every motion a new discovery of the body, the system, its unwillingness yet eager to let go.  there is no pain like the sensation of age, the accretion of time upon the physical membranes. I am not this ancient machine, yet it is all I have to do my work here. in pure consciousness, all is perfect all is complete even as the unfolding is going on. I see the separation and the connectedness all the fusion of being and the awareness of billions of beings embodied in the capsules of time and space. every thought a dimension of existence that seeks a radiance, opens a door small or large into an unknowable truth, that which precedes every action and follows every completion, there is the emptiness the unexperienced soul, before birth, after death it is as it even now is, potential unrealized, formless in the midst of being created, the one source that never submits to desire or need, untouched by all that happens, great or small, there is nothing that reveals or exposes the truth of what is beyond this conscious life, beyond even the supreme existence and divine light. there is the end of all that exists, it awaits everything, and from that end a new beginning is created eternally, the souls formed of a substance that experiences all and is touched by nothing, the awakened being, learning the path of existence, without judgment without excitement, without attachment, allowing all to come, not wavering in the brightest light or the blackest emptiness, beyond all time, infinite in capacity and alone eternally, one loves the souls journey in every eye and gesture and sound, the life that is lived as the children of the self, unashamed to come forward and touch in wonder the life of love and grace that evolves in this physical plane.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

the tender mercies

the tender mercies of endless love, like a river flowing, envelope the heart and soul with tears pouring from heaven for the sufferings of the embodied spirits, forgetful of their penance and following the wayward directions of their thoughts, leading further and further from the source of truth. one by one in the procession of foolish distractions, each body delights and is driven deeper into the drama and taken away from the dharma, postponing the sadhana for the meager crumbs of their physical lives. the list of desire is endless in its need and vital awareness, what next will satisfy what prevents the singular and short lived joy of satisfaction without release from all bondage. each day a sun shows the way and the darkness shuts out the light, though moons revolve and shimmer inside billions of reminders of the emptiness that exists everywhere. alone yet crowded on every side, pushed and pushing back the mass of individuals erases their memories and creates new ones to suit their fancies. no hope only fear the reward for all the giving and taking and losing and gaining that every heart endures. this life this patterned suffering of existence that is a mystery to most everyone and a madness that has no end for there is no way to control the path from opening the eyes to the final breath taken, yet the struggle ensures nothing but more struggle. there is a joy beyond this, a light that has no sun and knows no darkness within. the truth of being  that life alone can know, can find and never lose. this is the home of the eternal soul and the source of all that is. the transition from eternal being to the embodied singularity of the flesh leaves no trace except in the stillness and silence of the heart letting go, releasing the inbred desires and vital necessities and laying all at the feet of the divine self within. once you know you would give up anything to know your divine being, then all is simple, if your devoted to the divine, there is only clinging to that truth. all else is the illusion of separation, right down to the air and the flesh meeting and losing sense of which is which. the world breathes you as you become the atmosphere of existence

Friday, May 10, 2013

I AM is somehow more

I AM is somehow more proof worthy than you are, according to the enlightened masters here and there that bother to write about or speak about such things. I know the use of I is questionable amongst the spiritually inclined but it exists as do you and everyone else, there is no magic bullet that makes everyone disappear, i know, ive tried many times to dissuade myself of that possibility. for the I that is and the other that makes the I  singular and not collective, exist for the same reason that everything exists, because I say so. it may be that every I i see is just another replica of the I that is in me. the essential self, that which once you remove the who and what and why and how, remains, a sense of consciousness in love, desirous of living, to experience the joy of experiencing, to be whatever just to be and know the beingness of the thing experienced. and every person is this self, the essential I that has no moral compass or ethics or programming, but is just breathing the air with excitement for what is happening, whatever it is, and seeks itself in everything, its conscious nature recognized by that which is experienced completing the loop of consciousness experiencing itself being experienced by consciousness. that fusion, that connection, is love,to be acknowledged by the innate essential quality that creates the uniqueness of each drop of water and each breath of air, that makes the hummingbird wing so perfect and the rabbits fur so soft, that each leaf is an expression of its desire to be, to be something that says I AM, experience me and I will experience you too, for experience is not passive though no action is taken or words exchanged, the being knows itself in everything and bends to touch itself everywhere, to feel and sense its multiplicity and beauty and acknowledge the perfection of the unending being in everything and its joy to be here without reservation. for you and I are the one we both know is ourselves, and everything is just that being expressing its love and joy to be present with itself through you.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

life exists

life exists as the expression of the universal force of becoming, all form is becoming from formlessness to form to consciousness embodied in that form, yet nothing remains unchanging, all forms change to become to evolve, in the cosmic scope, evolution of the species is but a blink, the passage of universes from expanding creation to devolving destruction is the turning of a page. all time exists only in the frame of reference in which it is experienced. the consciousness of the human form is structured to experience everything separated each minute detail alone and distinct as not the self, the opposite of the reality,the other extreme of the universal spectrum. as our forms evolve not just physically but also emotionally, mentally and psychically, our ability to expand our grasp of the universal nature of our finite existence evolves also, from the sense of a universal force separate from ourselves to the experience of the universal force within us welcoming us to merge with it to experience the ultimate wonder of the infinite contained in the tiniest particle of existence and both in one motion collapsing into the experience of pure love and bliss as the truth of the realization overwhelms everything everywhere. that each particle is the infinite being evolving to be fully conscious of the totality of its being and purpose, that everything is conscious and sharing in the experience of the universal evolution. we are the components of the being just as our eyes are components of our bodies, seeing everything yet not the being itself. we are eyes becoming aware of the body and of its workings and the purpose of our existence is in the seeing to help the body function, to provide a clear vision of what is all around, to be a functional aspect of the divine body, and to merge with that being as one and know the experience of existence. that is what uplifts the human form, its ability to share the divine vision, the divine awareness the supreme consciousness that expands to include all existence and somehow exists in nothing. for it is the absence of consciousness that permeates the divine awakening, the emptiness that is in and surrounds all that is and gives everything its definition and purpose. we exist in the expression of not unmanifest, to go beyond the unknowable and proceed until it is possible to know in some fashion, that which spawned all being, all life, all creation and in the union with that no longer experience any differentiation of form or non form but rather the unformed that has no expression and from there what cannot be evolves.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

everything collapses

everything collapses, the effort, the attachment, the web of pakriti creates the struggle to prevent everything from collapsing, the fear and pain of knowing it will take more than you can give and certain is it that the end is coming, inevitable, for all. there is no protecting from karma or the actions of unconscious living, no magic bullet that slays the coming storm. you can see the world as it is and as you want it to be, and what is always wins. but there is the noble of birth and the self savior that stretches willingly upon the cross and sings for his supper of pain and slow torture feeling the purity of his sacrifice for surely another life will reward this one and yet those around him are showered only with the blood and sweat and soiled by the unending greed and desire of the ego, alive and supreme in the moment of his own crucifixion. for who can hold off what is the unsullied torpor and endless desire of others own making? what teaches them if you take the lessons meant for their  learning? is your pain teaching better than theirs? the universe has certain rules, the lessons will be given until they are learned, and lesson one is you cant take the test for someone else. the universe knows who you are and who they are. if you come between , then you become the lesson and in doing so, take on the karma, the test for the other but do not allow them to pass the class. they must still learn on their own later after you have been destroyed and can no longer do their karma for them.for doing someone elses test gives you no strength, does not advance you does not create the energy that a true realization would, you are just an impediment to the force and will be swept away so the work can be done.the saying is, no good turn goes unpunished, and this is the law of delaying someone elses karma, you become the lesson. let everyone learn on their own, do not become the consoler and helper of the lazy and greedy, the victim and the victimizers, the takers and the givers. let them find out their own way what is coming for their efforts or lack. none care for the divine, none want the yoke of suffering taken from them, their vision is this world and its paradise of pain and pleasure. a single word to the soul when its ready will create the opening, no need to roll away the stone of their burden or stop the curse of their vital. when the ego has been taught through karmic repetition the falsity of its desires, then just the name of the supreme is all that is needed for the soul will be able to come forward and begin its journey. one glimpse of the truth will open the heart and let loose the stranglehold of the ego. transformation comes through the individual, each in its own way and time, you cannot transform another unless you carry the force of the supreme, and then it is not you who brings this and its is the force of karma that is released  and is transformed into the opening for the divine within to be realized.

Friday, April 26, 2013

this habit

this habit, like all things is a concentration of attention, it focuses all of your capacity on one stream one flow of the energy and ignores the rest. we call this the self, we habituate in the moment as an organized collection of attentions. this is important, this is not. this is not even considered. all things become playthings of the energetic collection, adding and subtracting at will this conglomeration of objectified emotions and desires. we become a floating pool of distractions. there is no right or wrong, just notice the way consciousness becomes clouded, overwhelmed and finally tuned out from the senselessness of the play of the habitual mind becoming the controller of life through its ability to become attached to things and hold them in attention before the open door of awareness. if every time you are looking through that opening and you see the same litany of complaints or desires or self satisfied reactions soon that is no longer an opening, but rather a pit of unconscious manifestations of misdirected attention. Its here that the inner being retreats from the outer being for there is no opening to emerge to become the one point of truth, attention, focus for this consciousness to prevail. in the darkness of the cave the inner soul resides perfectly in tune with the divine from which it comes. there meditation and peace flow like sunshine and emptiness is the fullness of being. all life surrounds this and all life avoids the truth, that what we attach ourselves to in the outer world is the mistaken identity of self. the mind has no awareness only attention. it cannot know truth from fiction, knowledge from ignorance. it only reads the letters and sees the pictures, it cannot bridge the gap between experience and awareness, the frame of consciousness that must be awakened to allow the force of truth to emerge from the inner cave of the soul. all life grows from its experiences, its accumulation of positive and negative reinforcements that become the basis of all our thinking, these habits of the body and the mind,but these have very limited application beyond preserving the body and protecting the collection of habits that surround these behaviors. life must grow in leaps not increments and the leap to consciousness leaves the mind in shambles and the door to soul open, here the veils and coverings are torn away and the light of the divine burns away the false attentions of the mind. become one with the inner self, even underneath the distractions enter the cave through meditation and devotion, then the light will emerge and tear away the illusions that have covered the door of true conscious awareness.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

transformation like death

transformation like death is inevitable, but may not happen in this lifetime or in many lifetimes to come. until you realize your bondage, you will not embark upon this quest. the degree of suffering must become unbearable and the ordinary methods of coping become ineffective. alive and experiencing support and well being from our human emotions, there is no reason to change or to think that change is ever necessary. the four types of beings that come to the guru, the seekers of knowledge , the seekers of wealth, men of wisdom and the distressed, only the distressed are actually ready to transform. the others come to add to their human capacity and seek only comfort and status. the men of wisdom have realized their higher mental and intelligence and seek to validate their status, the seekers of knowledge have already determined what they seek and thereby cannot see the truth before them, the seekers of wealth are filled with human desire and wish only to momentarily satiate it.  the distressed come from everywhere and know not their goal only to end the suffering, they are willing to do what is required for they know what they have been doing has only resulted in more suffering. in this manner, the path of transformation at first seems like poison as more suffering ensues but soon, quickly if the follower is willing, this turns to the nectar, for it is this that feeds the spiritual nature. giving up what makes the body or the vital happy, it is painful at first but soon becomes a joy as the burden of desire is lifted and the spirit is released to feel the joy of existence without attachment. this comes not from persisting in ones own preferences and comforts, fame, power the fruits of their actions as the desirous system will, nor in the indulgence in laziness,sleep depression fear psychosis false vanity and brooding as the unconscious system will. the spiritual nature will persist with unwavering firmness to control the mind, vital and physical senses, it is this consistent action that brings the transformation, indulgence and sense pleasures cannot bring about any change from the bondage of the human existence. in the path of devotion the seeker throws all manner of self satisfaction onto the fire of devotion and seeks only to be in union with the divine being in the form that is revealed to them, that divine union is the only end of suffering for them. in the path of Knowledge it is the renunciation of all actions and their results and the seeking of the divine knowledge the pure awareness of the one. here all that prevents this untroubled state is cast aside and with the state of the guru the seeker is able to surrender all sense of self. both result in liberation and union, but it is through devotion that suffering ends quickly. seek that which is your aspiration and know that suffering is the signpost to the path.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

the contour of the inner experience

the contour of the inner experience, which way the lounge faces and at what height and angle, and its only in the most special positioning that any thing can be realized for the predilections and preferences are in full command. im incomplete without my pillows and yoga mat, the lighting just so and incense and candles waxing slowly in the unsullied atmosphere of subtle sanguinity . the raga sutra softly drifting in the air, now i am ready, now is the time of our contentment and cushioned surrendering. here is the final frontier of awakening practiced. i sleep like a log and mutter briefly as the darkness at 3 am wakes me, the utter silence of time and space without perception, i get up in the unchilly air and step into my sweats, there was a time i would be thinking of my predawn run up the hills, as i prepare a morning brew, now i just hanker for the java my jones a palpable force. one cup two raisin toasts with PB, i sit and peruse the morning internet. like some junkie with his fix my body struggles to both sleep and wake at the same time. im not a good resleeper so this is the state of existence, allowing the waking consciousness to exist even before there is a thought of light in the sky. i know im violating all the prerequisites of true enlightenment, not sleeping all night reading, writing, feeling the life of the missing man the endangered species the last of the midnight ramblers, i dont have a place or car or a life but the full moon sets slowly in the dying night and the stars finally appear knowing their moment upon the stage is brief and quickly faded. i breathe the night going the day coming and i with it a lone, undetermined but for my habits still loosely pulling this body along. what matter this elusive capture, this marching to a drummer darkly, i have no strings but i dance as the master sings.children have no such answers but live a life that is so in peril yet we cannot save them from this nor hurry them forth. this life we live is precious and has no equal in the universe, we are given the key and are left to our own devices to open the door, as long as we want we are free to ignore the truth and dive into the drama and forget the dharma, but someday somehow the patterns shift the door sits like a looming obelisk and none can find a way around its shadow, even the eyes of the flowers stare into my soul and the light that is not captured by the earth is filling my eyes with joy, a million flowers bloom and the waterfalls of heaven are pouring down upon me. this life this wonderful world is mine and no matter who knows it nothing changes the journey or its rewards and sacrifices, being one being and not somehow part of one but all of everything is the only truth and emptiness has no hold nor does a void open before me, just the endlessness of existence like a light without a source shining everywhere.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

writing is for me

writing is for me at best an inexact science, the approximation of the experience. i have little in the way of practical knowledge since my path has been much like the pinball in some cosmic fun palace machine where the flippers are all that stand between you and everlasting peace, until another quarter is dropped in the machine. and i guess I've been longing for that hole, that drop into obscurity, the end of bouncing and buzzers, bells and sirens and whistles, bumpers and kickers. even with the sense of equanimity enlightenment carries its own stigmas. somehow its supposed to be the end of seeking and in a way it is, theres no more question of the who am i or the why or what. but the how is easily lost in the race of each souls convergence with your state. theres a surety and silence there that becomes like the flame beckoning to the moths, and each comes too close and i guess i try to damp down the flame, but theres little i can do but nurture with the heat and in some ways extend their fluttering behests and entreaties. I'm not into pain and dont want to break their little lives into pieces crashing with the stubs of their antennae burning, so i just send love, just send love and imagine that the perfection of the creation will carry them. some have no sense of who i am or any thought of going there and these i just love also but at least they have a direction that is in no way influenced by my actions. but the family always has some importance, their lives are like the arrow of my past still projecting into the present, always pointing to some resolution or lack of resolution in the future. i feel karma like a sack cloth rubbing my ancient skin unavoidable until i can climb naked into the emptiness but if even a thread remains i am held here and each indiscretion or casual consideration becomes another layer of suffering to be endured. each time i reach for the happiness which is always to be alone in nature to be without any contact or concern another reminder comes from the rub of the rough coverings i still carry. i cant say I'm sorry i got into this but i was hoping for a quicker resolution. i think just chucking it all and diving into the depths of awareness and untouched consciousness is probably not going to happen until i have paid for the unconscious decisions that led me on my merry way for so many lives. i await the next seeker, penitent, wise man, troubled soul and have mercy upon both of us in this ordinary life we live.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

born without bodies

born without bodies, the soul is brought into this world ancient and unmovable. there is no pleasure to exist in the physical plane without a is a sacrifice to even be aware of its limitations and constrictions, all movement is restrained all action contained within its laws and predictions. and how can the eternal being become less than it is, or something it is not, are these even possibilities in this world. we become that, not through any change in the divine soul, but through the manipulation of the sensory system in the body. as a baby the being experiences life through the senses without any filtering, all is chaos and colors, feeling wonderful and feeling horrible, everything is new and the newness is the delight. to begin new, without the knowing of infinite amounts of experiences and existences, to be one with the newness of life, for this a billion children come into life, there is no end to the desire for this. and then the play, the reawakening, but who would know its the hardest game, the video game with the ultimate features, death, pain, pleasure to ensure that the players dont get bored to death.endless levels of struggle and distraction, somewhere the Mother is calling her children home, enough play, its time for the work, to wake up to get all these infinite beings out of these bodies and into their true nature, into the endless truth of the process of manifesting her play her creation, for where is the evolution and transformation if every being is stuck in its self addicted body. Who created this, who wanted this experience of the physical and thrust the divine into these bodies? The Mother, tired of the sleeping unmanifest Brahma, enticing him with the play of existence and life, thrust the unliving soul into the living body created just for Him, so He could awaken in Her creation, feel the Divine Love she has brought, become so enraptured with Her that all thought of sleeping would end, but alas, Brahma is nothing, if not disinterested, callous to the Mothers play, staying in a torpid slumber through all her enchantments, waking only to satisfy His needs and then return to the bed of unconsciousness. and this is the play the eternal movement, as if the gods were come from Olympus in human form, for that is who we are unknowing, the divine sleeps and has no interest in this play of the physical, yet Mother will not relent and sends Him again and again in every form into this world of her delight, the maya unending to bring forth His true nature in Her creation. to awaken the sleeping unmanifest into consciousness of her creation. and as he resists and turns away she steps forth into her world, into her own creation and tries to free Him of his delusion, of His imprisonment that should be a joy, His pain that should be ecstasy, His suffering that should be bliss. and every time one of his selves awakens Her divine love pours down upon His awakened being. This is the state we all aspire to, her divine love to be that which is the truth of our divine existence to know the union of unmanifest with the manifest and be delighted in Her ceaseless being of pure Love and Light.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

my boots outside

my boots outside like old soldiers cold and stiff, willing but retired, ready to perform their duty whenever they are needed, one more campaign of glory, one more march to the unknown destination, for what are feet in this world, the means of travel, the only reliable transportation a human can use. for when my feet carry me, i know i have arrived complete and in one being collected all at the same time at the same point with no parts still following unable to match the body's transport through this worlds physical dimensions. be here now, all of me, the truth of me in one motion become the earth and sky, the thought and experience, the imagined and the known. for that i have gone and returned from every place too distant and so near, complete and incomplete struggling and at peace to this home of the ancients the cells of the heart interiorizing the experiences of the body, exteriorizing the experiences of the soul. we live in the journeys crossroads and intersections, every pathway enters and exits from this nexus within. the boots we keep are the wings of the uncaged bird that fly higher with each heartbeat and flashes across the brilliance of the inner expanse. we are set free in the experience of true wonder and the incalculable wealth of gratitude. beyond the diamonds of the mind, beyond thoughts like radiant moonbeams, the darkness of truth expands and has no need of sight or sound, no want for the brilliance or shade, the truth like a blanket shelters, like a wind exposes, like the ocean drowns the self in purity that has no form or thought or feeling but beyond all permeates every space between and folds like pillars of velvet through the being. we are not alone or together but one and only that, each segment or division, each crack or vibration, exists as the mirage of infinity perceived. there is nothing but the endlessness and the unknown, yet the perceiver has no way of knowing, until the seer stops, for the stillness has no end or beginning, no waking up or sleeping, the past like butterflies forget their beginnings, exist in the transformation with wings of unbearable beauty and light glows around their form just for the instant of their expressiveness, and fades as the emptiness surrenders to the truth, that all light all darkness all perception exists for love, the transformation become aware perceive release as breath of the universe born living dying in one motion undone and gone.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

the divine chooses

the divine chooses, we are chosen as the agents of the divine will. the idea that there is a separate existence is false. there is no emptiness except through the identification with the ego driven self. this contraction of consciousness to its smallest point creates the feeling of smallness, of lack and scarcity for everything appears greater than you. the feeling of helplessness and aloneness creates the illusion that there is a giant abyss and void that has no end between the self and everything else. to fend off this feeling the ego creates structures of false importance to enlarge its self, shoring up defenses against the sense of impending doom. through divine grace and disciplined life the realization that you are not any of these things or desires or actions releases that sense of separation and returns the balance of being as both finite and connected to everything. what connects everything also becomes the force of consciousness that brings all things into awareness, the field of universal potential. this consciousness becomes the source of creation and the individual system becomes the focus of its action in the physical plain. there is no initiation from the individual, for there is only the self and the void of self to the individual, here all action is initiated from the universal and is carried out through the individual nature, interacting with the field of potential, manifesting the divine will, transforming the potential of awareness into the conscious fruit of universal action. there is no other but the separate self experiences the emptiness that surrounds the universal oneness and becomes frightened. knowing there is birth and death of its physical shell, the finite mind imagines itself to be alone in the vastness of eternal existence and consciousness, and desires to experience union with all things physically,for even the smallest bit of consciousness is the universal being forming billions of forms each a reflection and recreation of its divine nature each a potential carrier of the divine consciousness. through each form the divine creates the universal manifestation of love and all its possibilities, to exist and know union with that which brought it into being, for each bit of the universal consciousness seeks that return, that consciousness, that divine ananda of love completed. to experience the other as the self is the end of suffering, for there is union and oneness, love and bliss in that union, it is the most highly prized state of existence and is the force that creates and nurtures all life. in that state there is no lack, no smallness no emptiness only fulfillment completion and joy, what is divine, is to be that, to know that, to experience only that, constantly and continually and bring that as an offering to every being and form, in every connection and interaction, to transmit the universal that exists whenever two finite consciousnesses let go of all separation and become as one. bring love as the divine from the union within that needs no other and share that always. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

the white candles

the white candles we buy burn clear and quick, emptying their glass holders in a day or so. but the same size red candle creates a layer of very dark melted wax under the flame and burns very slowly taking 2 or 3 days to completely burn down. here we use many candles and one that burns long is greatly prized for it conserves the stockpile we go through. but as an analogy the pure soul enters into a state of nothingness burning off the karmas and experiences swiftly and soon is an empty vessel for the divine to use.while the dark soul has many karmas and takes a long time to burn through the accumulated layers, but in the process actually provides a steady light for a long time thereby providing a greater service through its process.we can see the two paths clearly, one a straight level way going directly to the light ascending quickly into the heights beyond the clouds. its a path so straight and austere that few can follow, for most the path is a series of switchbacks and detours going hither and yon but slowly ascending towards the heavens in a pattern that reflects the vigor contained in the soul, the inertia and weight compelling the soul to take many rests and go seeking daily requirements for their personal comfort. in the process the soul both burns and reaccumulates the stockpile of its karmas and interacts with many souls, perhaps in the process shining a light in many places where the darkness is great. but in both cases the soul travels to its destination, to its source in an unerring manner, neither taking too short or too long a time. every seeker has created a world of divine awareness, of personal reasons and purposes that the divine is needed in their otherwise material lives, each surrenders what they are willing for that to happen,some give up all at once or some only a little at a time, some in big chunks and some have it taken away, everyone follows the heart, even the most obstinate serve as the teacher to test the students. for its not through pleasant happenstance that the divine becomes known, its through a determined effort, through aspiration and sacrifice, service and surrender, that the acolyte progresses and is worthy of the divine grace that removes the unshakable barriers and confers the supreme force upon the human system. The divine toils ceaselessly and without asking for reward or recognition, but if the small soul, through faith and service, works with the divine, in the fields in the cities seeing her as the purpose and the process and the meaning, then she delights in the child accompanying her even if its imperfect and she sends her love to cherish that soul, that is aspiration , working with mother in her endless duties to become that purposeful soul lightening the workload of the divine by becoming more pliable more flexible to her requirements and becoming her instrument. then does she bless the child that shows her their commitment to the work. be the slow one, the plodding but consistent determined but perhaps a bit slow, always keeping in mind you are doing it for the mother obedient and loving, her heart in yours and always focused on the work of the divine manifestation.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

everyone is a castaway

everyone is a castaway, locked on a deserted island, forever watching for a passing ship or sign of life, struggling with the demands of the body even as the soul is dying inside. we all adjust compensate, accept or bemoan the fate that has left us here, alone. but each heart knows longs for plans that getaway, the quest the last ditch attempt, the escape, from this personal hell. even when everything is provided, food water shelter, the inner being burns for release from the situation, to soar beyond these man made barriers, the helplessness and torment of being unable to just fly away, locked in these bodies of stone, separated from everyone by an unbridgeable gap, this incomplete loneliness, thats not satisfied to just be alone, that needs an other a sharing, a companion a recognition of what i am what is in here. the quest awaits, the fire inside smolders as the years go by and the prison becomes part of you, part of the mind and heart. and nothing will change it if you dont take action, take a risk to break free to cross that gap to find the fulfillment of the inner aspiration that cannot be silenced. when it comes its usually after some tragedy, some loss that makes the aloneness total, empty, meaningless to go on like this. the inner fire either is roaring and threatens every part of the self with destruction, or everything collapses into the hole where the fire used to be. and now its not even a choice its the only thing to do, to leave everything behind give up being you being me, being what everyone wanted, and just throw yourself into that awaiting sea, the ocean of endless ending, to be just that, doing nothing, creating nothing, being nothing, and the end is come for who you thought you were who you thought you wanted to be, even who you needed to be , all this is washed away in the emptiness and the ocean sends its creatures to devour you to drown you, to eradicate your final ambition to even end it all and then the truth comes, the last breath that says no more and then the outstretched hand is taken and lifted to the shore of the endless consciousness, the silent being awakens within and knows no boundaries, no shore or ocean to surround or end, for all is timeless and without question perfect. all life is placed before you and nothing is amiss or forgotten and every person a shining prism of light expanding through every vibration, each sheltering the diamonds of the rainbow each a brilliance of the creation and all creations of the supreme light flowing from your eyes that creates as it sees and through its creation becomes that. alone and in perfect bliss upon a sea of crystal colors experiencing the billion stars of night.

Friday, April 12, 2013

the moon empty untangles

the moon empty untangles with the dawn, the blistering reds and blacks of sunset long forgotten the waking light fills the blackness without a sound and pushes every nightmare down, deeper where the light cannot go. each sparkling star now drops in the ocean of radiance flowing from the east. none stand out,none have distinction or design from the superstitions of mens minds. my wool sweater and woollen socks suffice to keep the chill from entering the body, no wind invades the tiny spaces in their weaves. like a distant storm showing its furthest tendrils, the air gleams and shallows to the west unsure of its transparency, feeling first the dark and now the thinnest light. cold like a valleys chill wind envelopes me and my nose reddens and runs, the fingers seeking warm pockets for protection. i hold a few seconds more but surrender to the bedroom door nearby, for i do not tread high upon the ridges or through the glades set far from home. upon my porch safely do i catch the light and watch night vanish like sunlight in a box with the top turned down. i close my eyes and the hills become the smell of crisp pine and the road below a wandering runnel of tire and whine. all sounds expand the morning song birds cheerful tunes and i whistle in the joy of their anticipation of the sun. no more can i stand in freezing stillness and to the door i go undoing the latch and sash and into my room i pass, one child inside, in Mothers place and home.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

what human i this life

what human i this life so long yet unhurried to the end
the places come and i go yet no journey or comfort lacking
when need arises all the heavens stop to tend to this small servant
such grace but i so unworthy throw my self down and cry for love
no heart too small but the Mother will come to sit inside
joy like raindrops captured in a laughing smile fall from my eye
too simple am i to understand but knowing i can accept all and do what needs done
like the mist of consciousness forming over the sea of awareness
M: into the fabric of grace
beautiful life divine
what goes is the idea that any of this world is ours, including the self, the form, the ego the emotions all a play all the movement of universal life
nothing here to attach or identify with
no play that is not the divine play
we are just that movement set free from concern or planning
left to en joy the world to be the supreme nature come alive
you express the synthesis without the need of words
M: wonderful. it has a creation in my heart right now. maybe it shall happen
sounds of silence roaring in my heart
i dont really know why or how but i have taken the work given me and i cannot see beyond the end of my nose what is happening
i described it to Simran as pouring water into a well but being unable to see if it is filling
when the flood comes then i will know
i do know that life on this side of the void is without signs or clues
everything comes like a train with no tracks
no destinations or schedule
life is off the rails
its hard to describe but the truth has no form no shape and we can only trust the moment
so right now this is the shape of the path of the sadhana of the work
tomorrow there is no saying
thats why love is all love alone contains the whole in every molecule of existence
M: yes all to do is surrender each moment while operating this human life
the human has nothing but thinks it has something
it is so shocked when it is gone but it was never there
this world is a paradise of fools and a sacrifice for the seers to stay
M: yes I think one of my last human hurdles is just knowing im capable of anything
M: being divinely responsible
there is no truth greater than that you are everything
so what can be not done
and thats a lot to take responsibility for
and theres where the human falters
but the deed is already done and its only acceptance not doing that is required
for Mother does all and you become that piece of her play that weave of her design
and as you become that you are her
M: I aspire to be the perfect surrender
force of her force ananda of her Ananda
its just a process for the human to accept the divine within through surrender to a form that is outside yet only a placeholder for the final reunification
there is no separation of the divine and the human
there is only the infinity of time and the emptiness of space that clouds our judgment
for all is here and never gone
and always has and will be
to remove the dimension of mind removes all doubt
for in that virtual world we create the illusion and delusion
and only there are we both master and slave to ourselves
free the inner slave, exit the movie theater of the mind
experience the sky as the light of your awakening
expanding in all directions and encompassing all
what ends this human life begins the divine birthing
and to be born in this body alive anew as the true self the undying freedom
then the universe is your intelligence and the unmanifest your truest self
M: thats relief
 there is no thing that exists other no part apart from you
you are the gluey bonding of the experiential awareness
bringing into being all and using all as the means of your will and purpose
this shell you exist in is just a tiny part of your machinations and deliberations set into worldly play and direction
you are there as well as everywhere and consciousness exists in all
let go the shell consciousness and expand into the unified continuum
unending waves of being becoming the bliss of experience
from creator to created the continuum forms and fold and collapses and recombines unending
this universe is only the moment and all happens continuously
what happened once is still here and never ends
the light that came is still shining now
the elements transformed and recombined a billion trillion ways are still the elements that have always been
and we the consciousness that set all into play and seeks all experience of the play and feeds upon the remains transforming all into its unending being
we are that being of unending delight
M: Its amazing how your words open doors for my consciousness to expand
from the limited differential nature to the eternal propulsive generator
 we are that all and have no way to know until the picture is shone in our eyes and ears from some outside source
but it is you holding the mirror to yourself
and seeing the eyes pulling you deeper into an unending tunnel
the reverberations forming pulsating sequences through unchanneled neurons
opening the empty spaces between your ears
hear your own voice calling you to deeper and deeper layers of stillness and silence
and rest in that vastness undying as the well of being descends through every layer of unconscious unmanifest unknowable truth
and from there emerge the awakened mother to become the universal play that discovers its own undying love and seeks forever that intense ananda of union
the divine becomes you and all you were is no more
yet nothing has changed, the world still spins the universe vast and starry array
yet the glow is your own radiance and love is your own heart everywhere
and each being a sparkle of the glow a touch of that heartbeat
perhaps you can share this with those who could not make it today
thursdays wildman talk
M: sure :)
M: (nod)
its of the same vein as all my talks
the main artery of the heart

are you alive

are you alive, i mean Are you alive, is that you living or do you just interact with life and call that living. for what is life, its not the things you do or your feelings is it, those are like symptoms of life. life is in all these things but not of them, its the stuff of sensation and the ability to feel. is it the body living and your just along for the ride, or is there a life of the consciousness also.some embodied beingness that floats in and out of the world and into another realm that while separate is fundamentally connected to everything in this physical nature. this body, its not who we are. It was created so we could be enticed to be here, to bring the divine consciousness into the physical and it could experience that supreme being. certainly the body/mind could exist without this but this is what it was made for, to be the temple of the embodied being and the body more than anything else is surrendered to this, to you, the divine you that has come for this human experience and in the process uplift that which makes it possible. the body is our holy tabernacle, the holiest place on earth,and it will not question anything you will debase itself no end, destroy itself in order to do what you want, just so it can be one with the embodied being. make no mistake that the enslavement of the physical being is a karma and treating it as you would a tissue creates lifetimes of painful returns. be loving as you would with your own child or animal. don't abuse the poor thing for it loves you more than life itself. give the body its needs , good food, shelter, exercise, treat it with respect and love and it will accompany you on your eternal journey and will itself transform along with you and accompany you to your highest transformations even as it works with you to ensure the manifestation in this physical reality of your true divine nature and purpose. share love and life but do not be identified with the body, know its true purpose and meaning and it will carry you to whatever destination you can travel to in this world or worlds beyond this.

the right hand of darkness

the right hand of darkness or the left hand of god, we all descend and play in the madness of desire, the force of life and the connection to the body, its wants and needs we say but all is in the consciousness, the desire nature of the embodied being. we feel the flesh and the hunger, the life of riches and the availability of easy pleasures. what could be more true than feeling good, having fun with the being totally identified with the body, one to one and having fun. there is no right world or wrong world. the holder of the cup drinks and tastes the wine or water what difference this potion or that all things become dust and all dust becomes man. for what difference a divine self or a self of dirt and ashes. you cannot be the truth without a long acquaintance with whats false. the drinking and partying, the lust and satisfactions, all have their day and night, in there too is the working and struggling, the hardships and worry, raising families or having no family, emptiness or too much to even get your head above water. the drowning of the senses, the overload and coming down, the cures and failings, sickness and death, all create a tapestry of unbearable fullness, a life lived but somehow still unfulfilled for me. i felt the emptiness and knew that was the reason for the excess, the self destruction and the illness, the damned void of the self that had no real connection to all i did except to laugh at the uselessness of pleasure or pain loss or gain even love or unloved, what difference anything made to the void. it waits, with a silence that makes emptiness loud. the sucking void of self, where no one has any truth or consequence, for all are doomed regardless. i walked through that valley alive and dead, in fierce denial and acceptance, yet i struggled with who it was walking, who it was questioning, for there was the void and it denied everything equally. no self no other no finish or failure for what matter trying or success, as failure brought a swiftness to the end.and that in itself was a relief, to slide faster as i threw off the remainder of my life and just said F it all, whatever is left will be what is, its not me, I'm not that, or this or anything in this world or worlds nearby. if there is a me its beyond or between the dimension of existence, the dimension of pressure and change and force and creation, its some endlessness that isn't even that void of all things but is beyond emptiness or fullness, some incorruptible nature of divine absolute purity that has no duality or singularity, and becomes what is through attachment to all that is and all that is not equally and without division. somewhere in what is and isnt there becomes, and what is unknown is manifest secretly.