on the move

i am in san fran, feeling love and expansive. the air is moist and foggy,the people a little wrapped and rough around the edges. the stores cluttered not well stocked and lit bright. its hard on to the holiday season, one im not partaking in, though i notice the elevated alcohol levels and the cheeriness of the disgruntled shoppers. the black friday crowds in reno were deliberate and manic, in sf probably more urbane and irritated. all the world is in love for me, theres a huge supply from being in the warmth of mothers heart and voice. on the plane of love all the way to the motherlode of love, india. 3 weeks until she returns,and im already in heaven just thinking of her. its the candlelight brigade for me. up at 2am trying to adjust the body to the 13.5 hr time difference. one minute of love is a lifetime redeemed. most humans would trade an appendage for that minute, i have been basking in it for my entire life. i think it was just being aware that all life was connected, all a part of the divine body, everything just another cell in the holy totality of god realized, christ consciousness for children, truth in the only way the self can know, i am that also. once the realization hit, like being in a swimming pool of love, everything became magical. anything was possible, nothing was real except i wanted it to be. sounds like childhood psychosis but it made a difficult childhood possible. everything was giving and helping, realizing the pain and suffering everyone was going through. it wasnt about me, i was already protected, centered in the divine being and awake,everyone was there but asleep and having a nightmare. i just tried to help make them comfortable until they woke and could see the light. i guess thats the truth of me, gods little helper, since i saw his being in everyone and offered whatever i could to him. it was easy with my family, to see the light within, they were all close to it, we all shared some divine destiny. until now i thought following my brother was my destiny, but suddenly i see the truth,its not him or anyone, its me, my love and devotion that is the only way, all others are incomplete and while helpful, are not the truth of love and perfect realization, that we are the very host of god, he is our guest and ourselves realized always and he is here to share as much as we can give. like all guests the opportunity is there to make them a permanent part of our lives, to make this home their home and no more theirs or ours but we are family and one with the light that i see everywhere. i see now its not about evolving but forgetting, forgetting everything thats gotten in the way of that one perfect moment when i swam in the holy body, the unending truth and love of being one with the truth as all are and all will forever be. everything since has been a return to that, a partial return, a temporary letting go, only to pull the hood of reality back over my eyes, partial blinding, unwilling to give up the little world i had, thought i had. now i see the full picture, the truth of being and not knowing, that which is the reality beyond thought, that which we live in, the very air we breathe and earth we touch, that is the rock hard reality of god-love-truth all one always being in perfect harmony eternally present.