Tuesday, January 24, 2012

confronting my belief in myself

, i am struck by my smallness, the tiny aspect of who i am, what remains after these long years of trying to pluck out mine own eye as it offends me dearly. and then peering deeply into the empty socket in the mirror and the eyeball in my hand, i feel only gratitude for all it has shown me. my loving self trying to do the right thing blissfully unaware there is no right thing and that it doesnt matter as everything is pretty much a problem that way. i get a little attached to being me sometimes and then i realize thats just more i have to let go, and my trash hauling days are numbered. i feel that strange goodness when im just being myself and not reacting to anything, the naturalness, the joy the downright bliss of being me, the real self that connects to everything without any problem and can see clearly what is true. Thats the world i live in now and im just getting used to it for the first time. theres so much to realize and experience as the being living in this body. i am overwhelmed with the reality that is everywhere in me yet i see it all around me too and in everyone, though right now im sitting alone in my little room with a million frogs and insects right outside the door to keep me company.And somewhere is a loudspeaker turned so loud the hiss of the static is deafening, and thats the real of the world, the volume maxed and the speakers rattling even before the music starts. its time to join the explosion thats coming and catch the best seats.please stay seated for the ride as your flight attendants are pretty nervous and they are heavily armed. after all, whats one more or less enlightened being in the world if everybody is?

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