Saturday, February 4, 2012

you get the letter, the notice, the news

, its what you feared the most and then its done. whatever that moment is, it hits you, theirs an energy there catching you off guard even though you knew from the beginning this day would come. what is happening the roll of the wheel moves in its unstoppable motion and your name came up. now who are you, the one who complains and blames, the one who cries and feel the victim, the one who is solid in his sense of being and has only a brief wonderment and then acceptance.well that brief moment took a day, but i was walking through sadhu lane, amongst the orange robed renunciates, passing out rupees to the beggars and thinking, And im complaining about my lot in life, the little tragedy that has ever touched me, the thought of poverty almost unheard of, starvation? whats that? i think i can survive this, the healthy body, wealthy life, privilege for all my years, i can take a little less and make it last longer. its funny i dont really think in terms of it affecting me, but all those that rely on me, their welfare, its not me im concerned.about. so what is it, the sense of letting others down, their reactions, they dont want to be affected any more than i do, but they dont know how to hold it, that the universe has plans for me, even as i am getting golden and grey, theres still a purpose and a bright light all shining on me, the play is still on and i get to see what mother universe has written in my role. whatever it is im ready to try it on after all its all make believe even when you believe it.

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