, at least anyone i know. its like they all have some need some desire that they need me to take care of or approve of or just accept in them as they take whatever they can and accept no responsibility themselves. I hate to be put in that position with everyone, like i am supposed to wake them up but they dont want to be anything but asleep, but they demand it from everyone else, that everyone else be aware of them , fully responsible for any imagined slight from any other, always accusing and imagining what someone else might have done or is planning to do to them. but thats the whole problem, everyone is doing nothing to anyone, they all do it to themselves, just as i do, but i notice, it doesnt happen when they are not around, i have no feelings about anyone until their energy gets in my face, then it becomes just the truth of what i see and i want to be away from it, i prefer the honesty of thieves to the dullness of the self absorbed children. whatever they want they take and whatever they have is precious and never shared unless you are made fully aware of their great sacrifice and kindness. what is it i am lost in here, i look at death as a wonderful way to be free, or at least a cave where it feels like death, away from everything disconnected from the hurts and fears everyone has, everyone parades their special triumph and glorifies mediocrity until it becomes a dirge and a funeral of awareness a mockery of truth and theres no escape as long as anyone is around. i know its in me that all this takes place its a projection that lives in my brain, my consciousness, but its also the pain i feel being everyones favorite sucker, the guy they think doesnt know what they are really up to. its the obviousness of the ego in every situation, in every beings personality that strikes me, the lack of awareness of others as well as of themselves that seems so infantile and lost in the world they live in which seems to be inhabited by no one but themselves.
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