I blame the quadruple

I blame the quadruple blood moon and the astrology of  april, or maybe im just an ordinary guy who feels his life has finally run down and the air is out of his tires. theres nothing wrong its just the right thing now, maybe later the change will come and life as we know it will have changed so completely it wont be recognizable. that's been the story of my last 18 years, a series of deep core transformations, and I know what your thinking, that's a once in a life time thing, its not a bunch but for me its like a bunch of past lives all packed into this one and like past lives, you lose the thread in between, the person that had that life isn't the one having this one, so the decode downloader is missing, the codex from before is no longer available, so theres some things that can be felt from those other lands and roads taken, but without the map theres no telling when or where it all was. its like a life on a beta max and now everything is digital. the vhs and 8 tracks and tape decks aren't a part of this life, even if I could find the old tapes. so the stuff is there but not the decoder, and now im just living on the electron stream, hoping the power keeps the infinite drive alive, I guess its kind of a dumbing down from the complexities I used to think it all was. im just a simple soul at heart, one with a few feelings and a few thoughts that I end up using as my paints and brushes, I cant actually draw even a stick man but I can probably describe him well enough that you might imagine his pointy little arms and legs and the matchstick head hes got. well that's me, just an outline of a personality tacked onto the engine of consciousness that drives the creation expression experience and dissolution of all things great and small. I don't know how it works or where the controls are so I just hang on for the ride and hope I don't fall off. sometimes though, when the speed is unimaginable and the movement of time and space falls behind the sense of being part of everything, I see a different light and form that ive never seen before. it has no shape or color but I can feel its purpose and meaning as the collector of lives and the decider of fates, its face a mask of indifference but the fury of its driving energy distorts even the earth and sky I think im standing on. there is no way past or turning around, into the opening of its infinite gaze and burning demand each soul must travel and what is still afraid is burned away. beyond that there is no place or time, no thing or memories, what remains becomes again and again the next creation that has no end. I live on edge of the vast sundering flame and frozen emptiness removing every atom from its brothers, until only the infinite plasma of the divine flows like burning time moving so fast that nothing can exist before it is already destroyed.