we can hardly bear

we can hardly bear the ten minute wait for some small thing we desire, yet we toss around the concepts of infinite and eternal. one lifetime spent in denial brings such heartless pain that even a moment of that despair is beyond comprehension. yet here we ask forbearance and patience for the process to do its work, to annihilate the self the ego the desire based construct of the mind. as every instinct battles to survive the willful destruction of the usurper, life becomes a battle to endure without creating more suffering, more reactions that are the tools of the very enemy you wish to conquer. when i arise hours before the dawn and finger brush my unkempt matted hair into place,i ponder my place my home my life as a man might who has nothing to gain by remaining or by going. all choices are irrelevant to the life of service, any are a sacrifice to exist for the work of divine surrender. can there be a life if there is no self to live it, no pleasure based experiencer that takes the credit and the passion for itself. this light within, the pressure of a divine encouragement that brings the shakti of bliss and the forgetfulness of devotion, opens a door to perceive the nature of the relationship of man and god as one yet differentiated in the creation for the possibility of self  to surrender to the self as a child to the mother, as the lover to the beloved for there is no loss or reduction except by the diminution of the consciousness the experience to such a limited degree that even the obvious becomes distorted into painful untruths. that life is not the creation of the human though we bear children and manipulate tools and write books and tell stories.that the ancients saw clearly what is now lost in the tidal wave of information, in the blizzard of bits and bytes of useless facts, that all creation comes from an unknowable source and everything is its domain and we the minutest fraction of that endless force, have access to all its glory and splendor as the very children of the supreme loved and cared for given everything, and then gently or sometimes harshly reminded, that we are not to remain as children forever but are to take our rightful place as the creator as the lord and lady of the keep. but like all children everywhere, the world is a huge play land and terrible distraction and this smallness and shortness intensifies the emotions and reactions. each moment another surprise or danger brings deadly fear and trepidation. and the eyes and hands and sex and lies and the fear that stifles everything that needs to be cut with a knife, exploded with a bomb, shaken until it drops. for we are not that, not that, we are that which cannot be killed or even touched, not hurt or exalted, each one of us is the master and the supreme in the form of a child, a petulant and spoiled, loving and sweet, angry and tortured, adolescent learning what the supreme nature truly becomes and enlivens, and when that maturity comes, all the toys of the past are let go, and truth as a light beyond knowing comes forth and the way is open for love to bring all together beyond suffering and death, to the life without boundaries life that knows there is no end to what is beginning.