i am being destroyed each day

i am being destroyed each day in ways i didnt know there was a me there to be destroyed, yet even that which feels is lessened and that which experiences is left deep in a well of unbearable sensation and delight. the emptiness of self is never empty enough as long as even a shell remains. we examine this smallness and see the inevitable capture and completeness of its magical ability to entrap and enwrap the being in such sense and nonsense of desire.even the smallest thought that this is mine or i need this cripples the universe and upends the cart of divine travel pulled by the oxen of infinite patience and service. for who am i to be riding when there is work to be done and others to gather for the harvest. i enliven this self and elicit my own response to that which i am subject to and in it all i reveal that which is not me and yet surpasses my ability to control for that which i am slave to is both master and subject of this illusion, the only being is ultimate and has nothing to be brought or taken, and in my wandering mind the simplest attachments take huge space and conflict with emptiness that even becomes a desire for nothing.what is it i am and how is it destroyed even in the wilderness of surrender and letting go, the wildness of having only the divine and knowing the thought that is not thinking but envelopes the tragedy of existence with bliss of being and the ananda of creation. i flow like a waterfall and though i am smashed in the delight of the rocks below i become the river and the oncoming ocean of awareness ever reaching the horizon and falling into the well of spaceless realms beyond. how am i even in this place where there is space and time and desire, for who are you listening but the self that speaks and nods in agreement and has no concern for what can or cannot be. i steal from you to add to me but who is the loss and the gain the sufferer and the pain, the only one here has no sensation but to be and from this eternity has come aspiration to see another as me and know what that could be and in this divine play we become the one another would desire and then end all play until a higher power is ever come. i beyond i and self beyond self we have no understanding of no self of being less selflessness, yet we aspire beyond even comprehension and Mother gives even that for to chew upon the gristle builds up the force of destruction and the transformation of awareness for man to know there is no man and no world and no self but the unknowable and the most divine is just a picture we draw to understand we cannot imagine who we truly are.