everything collapses

everything collapses, the effort, the attachment, the web of pakriti creates the struggle to prevent everything from collapsing, the fear and pain of knowing it will take more than you can give and certain is it that the end is coming, inevitable, for all. there is no protecting from karma or the actions of unconscious living, no magic bullet that slays the coming storm. you can see the world as it is and as you want it to be, and what is always wins. but there is the noble of birth and the self savior that stretches willingly upon the cross and sings for his supper of pain and slow torture feeling the purity of his sacrifice for surely another life will reward this one and yet those around him are showered only with the blood and sweat and soiled by the unending greed and desire of the ego, alive and supreme in the moment of his own crucifixion. for who can hold off what is the unsullied torpor and endless desire of others own making? what teaches them if you take the lessons meant for their  learning? is your pain teaching better than theirs? the universe has certain rules, the lessons will be given until they are learned, and lesson one is you cant take the test for someone else. the universe knows who you are and who they are. if you come between , then you become the lesson and in doing so, take on the karma, the test for the other but do not allow them to pass the class. they must still learn on their own later after you have been destroyed and can no longer do their karma for them.for doing someone elses test gives you no strength, does not advance you does not create the energy that a true realization would, you are just an impediment to the force and will be swept away so the work can be done.the saying is, no good turn goes unpunished, and this is the law of delaying someone elses karma, you become the lesson. let everyone learn on their own, do not become the consoler and helper of the lazy and greedy, the victim and the victimizers, the takers and the givers. let them find out their own way what is coming for their efforts or lack. none care for the divine, none want the yoke of suffering taken from them, their vision is this world and its paradise of pain and pleasure. a single word to the soul when its ready will create the opening, no need to roll away the stone of their burden or stop the curse of their vital. when the ego has been taught through karmic repetition the falsity of its desires, then just the name of the supreme is all that is needed for the soul will be able to come forward and begin its journey. one glimpse of the truth will open the heart and let loose the stranglehold of the ego. transformation comes through the individual, each in its own way and time, you cannot transform another unless you carry the force of the supreme, and then it is not you who brings this and its is the force of karma that is released  and is transformed into the opening for the divine within to be realized.

this habit

this habit, like all things is a concentration of attention, it focuses all of your capacity on one stream one flow of the energy and ignores the rest. we call this the self, we habituate in the moment as an organized collection of attentions. this is important, this is not. this is not even considered. all things become playthings of the energetic collection, adding and subtracting at will this conglomeration of objectified emotions and desires. we become a floating pool of distractions. there is no right or wrong, just notice the way consciousness becomes clouded, overwhelmed and finally tuned out from the senselessness of the play of the habitual mind becoming the controller of life through its ability to become attached to things and hold them in attention before the open door of awareness. if every time you are looking through that opening and you see the same litany of complaints or desires or self satisfied reactions soon that is no longer an opening, but rather a pit of unconscious manifestations of misdirected attention. Its here that the inner being retreats from the outer being for there is no opening to emerge to become the one point of truth, attention, focus for this consciousness to prevail. in the darkness of the cave the inner soul resides perfectly in tune with the divine from which it comes. there meditation and peace flow like sunshine and emptiness is the fullness of being. all life surrounds this and all life avoids the truth, that what we attach ourselves to in the outer world is the mistaken identity of self. the mind has no awareness only attention. it cannot know truth from fiction, knowledge from ignorance. it only reads the letters and sees the pictures, it cannot bridge the gap between experience and awareness, the frame of consciousness that must be awakened to allow the force of truth to emerge from the inner cave of the soul. all life grows from its experiences, its accumulation of positive and negative reinforcements that become the basis of all our thinking, these habits of the body and the mind,but these have very limited application beyond preserving the body and protecting the collection of habits that surround these behaviors. life must grow in leaps not increments and the leap to consciousness leaves the mind in shambles and the door to soul open, here the veils and coverings are torn away and the light of the divine burns away the false attentions of the mind. become one with the inner self, even underneath the distractions enter the cave through meditation and devotion, then the light will emerge and tear away the illusions that have covered the door of true conscious awareness.

transformation like death

transformation like death is inevitable, but may not happen in this lifetime or in many lifetimes to come. until you realize your bondage, you will not embark upon this quest. the degree of suffering must become unbearable and the ordinary methods of coping become ineffective. alive and experiencing support and well being from our human emotions, there is no reason to change or to think that change is ever necessary. the four types of beings that come to the guru, the seekers of knowledge , the seekers of wealth, men of wisdom and the distressed, only the distressed are actually ready to transform. the others come to add to their human capacity and seek only comfort and status. the men of wisdom have realized their higher mental and intelligence and seek to validate their status, the seekers of knowledge have already determined what they seek and thereby cannot see the truth before them, the seekers of wealth are filled with human desire and wish only to momentarily satiate it.  the distressed come from everywhere and know not their goal only to end the suffering, they are willing to do what is required for they know what they have been doing has only resulted in more suffering. in this manner, the path of transformation at first seems like poison as more suffering ensues but soon, quickly if the follower is willing, this turns to the nectar, for it is this that feeds the spiritual nature. giving up what makes the body or the vital happy, it is painful at first but soon becomes a joy as the burden of desire is lifted and the spirit is released to feel the joy of existence without attachment. this comes not from persisting in ones own preferences and comforts, fame, power the fruits of their actions as the desirous system will, nor in the indulgence in laziness,sleep depression fear psychosis false vanity and brooding as the unconscious system will. the spiritual nature will persist with unwavering firmness to control the mind, vital and physical senses, it is this consistent action that brings the transformation, indulgence and sense pleasures cannot bring about any change from the bondage of the human existence. in the path of devotion the seeker throws all manner of self satisfaction onto the fire of devotion and seeks only to be in union with the divine being in the form that is revealed to them, that divine union is the only end of suffering for them. in the path of Knowledge it is the renunciation of all actions and their results and the seeking of the divine knowledge the pure awareness of the one. here all that prevents this untroubled state is cast aside and with the state of the guru the seeker is able to surrender all sense of self. both result in liberation and union, but it is through devotion that suffering ends quickly. seek that which is your aspiration and know that suffering is the signpost to the path.

the contour of the inner experience

the contour of the inner experience, which way the lounge faces and at what height and angle, and its only in the most special positioning that any thing can be realized for the predilections and preferences are in full command. im incomplete without my pillows and yoga mat, the lighting just so and incense and candles waxing slowly in the unsullied atmosphere of subtle sanguinity . the raga sutra softly drifting in the air, now i am ready, now is the time of our contentment and cushioned surrendering. here is the final frontier of awakening practiced. i sleep like a log and mutter briefly as the darkness at 3 am wakes me, the utter silence of time and space without perception, i get up in the unchilly air and step into my sweats, there was a time i would be thinking of my predawn run up the hills, as i prepare a morning brew, now i just hanker for the java my jones a palpable force. one cup two raisin toasts with PB, i sit and peruse the morning internet. like some junkie with his fix my body struggles to both sleep and wake at the same time. im not a good resleeper so this is the state of existence, allowing the waking consciousness to exist even before there is a thought of light in the sky. i know im violating all the prerequisites of true enlightenment, not sleeping all night reading, writing, feeling the life of the missing man the endangered species the last of the midnight ramblers, i dont have a place or car or a life but the full moon sets slowly in the dying night and the stars finally appear knowing their moment upon the stage is brief and quickly faded. i breathe the night going the day coming and i with it a lone, undetermined but for my habits still loosely pulling this body along. what matter this elusive capture, this marching to a drummer darkly, i have no strings but i dance as the master sings.children have no such answers but live a life that is so in peril yet we cannot save them from this nor hurry them forth. this life we live is precious and has no equal in the universe, we are given the key and are left to our own devices to open the door, as long as we want we are free to ignore the truth and dive into the drama and forget the dharma, but someday somehow the patterns shift the door sits like a looming obelisk and none can find a way around its shadow, even the eyes of the flowers stare into my soul and the light that is not captured by the earth is filling my eyes with joy, a million flowers bloom and the waterfalls of heaven are pouring down upon me. this life this wonderful world is mine and no matter who knows it nothing changes the journey or its rewards and sacrifices, being one being and not somehow part of one but all of everything is the only truth and emptiness has no hold nor does a void open before me, just the endlessness of existence like a light without a source shining everywhere.

writing is for me

writing is for me at best an inexact science, the approximation of the experience. i have little in the way of practical knowledge since my path has been much like the pinball in some cosmic fun palace machine where the flippers are all that stand between you and everlasting peace, until another quarter is dropped in the machine. and i guess I've been longing for that hole, that drop into obscurity, the end of bouncing and buzzers, bells and sirens and whistles, bumpers and kickers. even with the sense of equanimity enlightenment carries its own stigmas. somehow its supposed to be the end of seeking and in a way it is, theres no more question of the who am i or the why or what. but the how is easily lost in the race of each souls convergence with your state. theres a surety and silence there that becomes like the flame beckoning to the moths, and each comes too close and i guess i try to damp down the flame, but theres little i can do but nurture with the heat and in some ways extend their fluttering behests and entreaties. I'm not into pain and dont want to break their little lives into pieces crashing with the stubs of their antennae burning, so i just send love, just send love and imagine that the perfection of the creation will carry them. some have no sense of who i am or any thought of going there and these i just love also but at least they have a direction that is in no way influenced by my actions. but the family always has some importance, their lives are like the arrow of my past still projecting into the present, always pointing to some resolution or lack of resolution in the future. i feel karma like a sack cloth rubbing my ancient skin unavoidable until i can climb naked into the emptiness but if even a thread remains i am held here and each indiscretion or casual consideration becomes another layer of suffering to be endured. each time i reach for the happiness which is always to be alone in nature to be without any contact or concern another reminder comes from the rub of the rough coverings i still carry. i cant say I'm sorry i got into this but i was hoping for a quicker resolution. i think just chucking it all and diving into the depths of awareness and untouched consciousness is probably not going to happen until i have paid for the unconscious decisions that led me on my merry way for so many lives. i await the next seeker, penitent, wise man, troubled soul and have mercy upon both of us in this ordinary life we live.

born without bodies

born without bodies, the soul is brought into this world ancient and unmovable. there is no pleasure to exist in the physical plane without a body.it is a sacrifice to even be aware of its limitations and constrictions, all movement is restrained all action contained within its laws and predictions. and how can the eternal being become less than it is, or something it is not, are these even possibilities in this world. we become that, not through any change in the divine soul, but through the manipulation of the sensory system in the body. as a baby the being experiences life through the senses without any filtering, all is chaos and colors, feeling wonderful and feeling horrible, everything is new and the newness is the delight. to begin new, without the knowing of infinite amounts of experiences and existences, to be one with the newness of life, for this a billion children come into life, there is no end to the desire for this. and then the play, the reawakening, but who would know its the hardest game, the video game with the ultimate features, death, pain, pleasure to ensure that the players dont get bored to death.endless levels of struggle and distraction, somewhere the Mother is calling her children home, enough play, its time for the work, to wake up to get all these infinite beings out of these bodies and into their true nature, into the endless truth of the process of manifesting her play her creation, for where is the evolution and transformation if every being is stuck in its self addicted body. Who created this, who wanted this experience of the physical and thrust the divine into these bodies? The Mother, tired of the sleeping unmanifest Brahma, enticing him with the play of existence and life, thrust the unliving soul into the living body created just for Him, so He could awaken in Her creation, feel the Divine Love she has brought, become so enraptured with Her that all thought of sleeping would end, but alas, Brahma is nothing, if not disinterested, callous to the Mothers play, staying in a torpid slumber through all her enchantments, waking only to satisfy His needs and then return to the bed of unconsciousness. and this is the play the eternal movement, as if the gods were come from Olympus in human form, for that is who we are unknowing, the divine sleeps and has no interest in this play of the physical, yet Mother will not relent and sends Him again and again in every form into this world of her delight, the maya unending to bring forth His true nature in Her creation. to awaken the sleeping unmanifest into consciousness of her creation. and as he resists and turns away she steps forth into her world, into her own creation and tries to free Him of his delusion, of His imprisonment that should be a joy, His pain that should be ecstasy, His suffering that should be bliss. and every time one of his selves awakens Her divine love pours down upon His awakened being. This is the state we all aspire to, her divine love to be that which is the truth of our divine existence to know the union of unmanifest with the manifest and be delighted in Her ceaseless being of pure Love and Light.

my boots outside

my boots outside like old soldiers cold and stiff, willing but retired, ready to perform their duty whenever they are needed, one more campaign of glory, one more march to the unknown destination, for what are feet in this world, the means of travel, the only reliable transportation a human can use. for when my feet carry me, i know i have arrived complete and in one being collected all at the same time at the same point with no parts still following unable to match the body's transport through this worlds physical dimensions. be here now, all of me, the truth of me in one motion become the earth and sky, the thought and experience, the imagined and the known. for that i have gone and returned from every place too distant and so near, complete and incomplete struggling and at peace to this home of the ancients the cells of the heart interiorizing the experiences of the body, exteriorizing the experiences of the soul. we live in the journeys crossroads and intersections, every pathway enters and exits from this nexus within. the boots we keep are the wings of the uncaged bird that fly higher with each heartbeat and flashes across the brilliance of the inner expanse. we are set free in the experience of true wonder and the incalculable wealth of gratitude. beyond the diamonds of the mind, beyond thoughts like radiant moonbeams, the darkness of truth expands and has no need of sight or sound, no want for the brilliance or shade, the truth like a blanket shelters, like a wind exposes, like the ocean drowns the self in purity that has no form or thought or feeling but beyond all permeates every space between and folds like pillars of velvet through the being. we are not alone or together but one and only that, each segment or division, each crack or vibration, exists as the mirage of infinity perceived. there is nothing but the endlessness and the unknown, yet the perceiver has no way of knowing, until the seer stops, for the stillness has no end or beginning, no waking up or sleeping, the past like butterflies forget their beginnings, exist in the transformation with wings of unbearable beauty and light glows around their form just for the instant of their expressiveness, and fades as the emptiness surrenders to the truth, that all light all darkness all perception exists for love, the transformation become aware perceive release as breath of the universe born living dying in one motion undone and gone.

the divine chooses

the divine chooses, we are chosen as the agents of the divine will. the idea that there is a separate existence is false. there is no emptiness except through the identification with the ego driven self. this contraction of consciousness to its smallest point creates the feeling of smallness, of lack and scarcity for everything appears greater than you. the feeling of helplessness and aloneness creates the illusion that there is a giant abyss and void that has no end between the self and everything else. to fend off this feeling the ego creates structures of false importance to enlarge its self, shoring up defenses against the sense of impending doom. through divine grace and disciplined life the realization that you are not any of these things or desires or actions releases that sense of separation and returns the balance of being as both finite and connected to everything. what connects everything also becomes the force of consciousness that brings all things into awareness, the field of universal potential. this consciousness becomes the source of creation and the individual system becomes the focus of its action in the physical plain. there is no initiation from the individual, for there is only the self and the void of self to the individual, here all action is initiated from the universal and is carried out through the individual nature, interacting with the field of potential, manifesting the divine will, transforming the potential of awareness into the conscious fruit of universal action. there is no other but the separate self experiences the emptiness that surrounds the universal oneness and becomes frightened. knowing there is birth and death of its physical shell, the finite mind imagines itself to be alone in the vastness of eternal existence and consciousness, and desires to experience union with all things physically,for even the smallest bit of consciousness is the universal being forming billions of forms each a reflection and recreation of its divine nature each a potential carrier of the divine consciousness. through each form the divine creates the universal manifestation of love and all its possibilities, to exist and know union with that which brought it into being, for each bit of the universal consciousness seeks that return, that consciousness, that divine ananda of love completed. to experience the other as the self is the end of suffering, for there is union and oneness, love and bliss in that union, it is the most highly prized state of existence and is the force that creates and nurtures all life. in that state there is no lack, no smallness no emptiness only fulfillment completion and joy, what is divine, is to be that, to know that, to experience only that, constantly and continually and bring that as an offering to every being and form, in every connection and interaction, to transmit the universal that exists whenever two finite consciousnesses let go of all separation and become as one. bring love as the divine from the union within that needs no other and share that always. 

the white candles

the white candles we buy burn clear and quick, emptying their glass holders in a day or so. but the same size red candle creates a layer of very dark melted wax under the flame and burns very slowly taking 2 or 3 days to completely burn down. here we use many candles and one that burns long is greatly prized for it conserves the stockpile we go through. but as an analogy the pure soul enters into a state of nothingness burning off the karmas and experiences swiftly and soon is an empty vessel for the divine to use.while the dark soul has many karmas and takes a long time to burn through the accumulated layers, but in the process actually provides a steady light for a long time thereby providing a greater service through its process.we can see the two paths clearly, one a straight level way going directly to the light ascending quickly into the heights beyond the clouds. its a path so straight and austere that few can follow, for most the path is a series of switchbacks and detours going hither and yon but slowly ascending towards the heavens in a pattern that reflects the vigor contained in the soul, the inertia and weight compelling the soul to take many rests and go seeking daily requirements for their personal comfort. in the process the soul both burns and reaccumulates the stockpile of its karmas and interacts with many souls, perhaps in the process shining a light in many places where the darkness is great. but in both cases the soul travels to its destination, to its source in an unerring manner, neither taking too short or too long a time. every seeker has created a world of divine awareness, of personal reasons and purposes that the divine is needed in their otherwise material lives, each surrenders what they are willing for that to happen,some give up all at once or some only a little at a time, some in big chunks and some have it taken away, everyone follows the heart, even the most obstinate serve as the teacher to test the students. for its not through pleasant happenstance that the divine becomes known, its through a determined effort, through aspiration and sacrifice, service and surrender, that the acolyte progresses and is worthy of the divine grace that removes the unshakable barriers and confers the supreme force upon the human system. The divine toils ceaselessly and without asking for reward or recognition, but if the small soul, through faith and service, works with the divine, in the fields in the cities seeing her as the purpose and the process and the meaning, then she delights in the child accompanying her even if its imperfect and she sends her love to cherish that soul, that is aspiration , working with mother in her endless duties to become that purposeful soul lightening the workload of the divine by becoming more pliable more flexible to her requirements and becoming her instrument. then does she bless the child that shows her their commitment to the work. be the slow one, the plodding but consistent determined but perhaps a bit slow, always keeping in mind you are doing it for the mother obedient and loving, her heart in yours and always focused on the work of the divine manifestation.

everyone is a castaway

everyone is a castaway, locked on a deserted island, forever watching for a passing ship or sign of life, struggling with the demands of the body even as the soul is dying inside. we all adjust compensate, accept or bemoan the fate that has left us here, alone. but each heart knows longs for plans that getaway, the quest the last ditch attempt, the escape, from this personal hell. even when everything is provided, food water shelter, the inner being burns for release from the situation, to soar beyond these man made barriers, the helplessness and torment of being unable to just fly away, locked in these bodies of stone, separated from everyone by an unbridgeable gap, this incomplete loneliness, thats not satisfied to just be alone, that needs an other a sharing, a companion a recognition of what i am what is in here. the quest awaits, the fire inside smolders as the years go by and the prison becomes part of you, part of the mind and heart. and nothing will change it if you dont take action, take a risk to break free to cross that gap to find the fulfillment of the inner aspiration that cannot be silenced. when it comes its usually after some tragedy, some loss that makes the aloneness total, empty, meaningless to go on like this. the inner fire either is roaring and threatens every part of the self with destruction, or everything collapses into the hole where the fire used to be. and now its not even a choice its the only thing to do, to leave everything behind give up being you being me, being what everyone wanted, and just throw yourself into that awaiting sea, the ocean of endless ending, to be just that, doing nothing, creating nothing, being nothing, and the end is come for who you thought you were who you thought you wanted to be, even who you needed to be , all this is washed away in the emptiness and the ocean sends its creatures to devour you to drown you, to eradicate your final ambition to even end it all and then the truth comes, the last breath that says no more and then the outstretched hand is taken and lifted to the shore of the endless consciousness, the silent being awakens within and knows no boundaries, no shore or ocean to surround or end, for all is timeless and without question perfect. all life is placed before you and nothing is amiss or forgotten and every person a shining prism of light expanding through every vibration, each sheltering the diamonds of the rainbow each a brilliance of the creation and all creations of the supreme light flowing from your eyes that creates as it sees and through its creation becomes that. alone and in perfect bliss upon a sea of crystal colors experiencing the billion stars of night.

the moon empty untangles

the moon empty untangles with the dawn, the blistering reds and blacks of sunset long forgotten the waking light fills the blackness without a sound and pushes every nightmare down, deeper where the light cannot go. each sparkling star now drops in the ocean of radiance flowing from the east. none stand out,none have distinction or design from the superstitions of mens minds. my wool sweater and woollen socks suffice to keep the chill from entering the body, no wind invades the tiny spaces in their weaves. like a distant storm showing its furthest tendrils, the air gleams and shallows to the west unsure of its transparency, feeling first the dark and now the thinnest light. cold like a valleys chill wind envelopes me and my nose reddens and runs, the fingers seeking warm pockets for protection. i hold a few seconds more but surrender to the bedroom door nearby, for i do not tread high upon the ridges or through the glades set far from home. upon my porch safely do i catch the light and watch night vanish like sunlight in a box with the top turned down. i close my eyes and the hills become the smell of crisp pine and the road below a wandering runnel of tire and whine. all sounds expand the morning song birds cheerful tunes and i whistle in the joy of their anticipation of the sun. no more can i stand in freezing stillness and to the door i go undoing the latch and sash and into my room i pass, one child inside, in Mothers place and home.

what human i this life

what human i this life so long yet unhurried to the end
the places come and i go yet no journey or comfort lacking
when need arises all the heavens stop to tend to this small servant
such grace but i so unworthy throw my self down and cry for love
no heart too small but the Mother will come to sit inside
joy like raindrops captured in a laughing smile fall from my eye
too simple am i to understand but knowing i can accept all and do what needs done
like the mist of consciousness forming over the sea of awareness
M: into the fabric of grace
beautiful life divine
what goes is the idea that any of this world is ours, including the self, the form, the ego the emotions all a play all the movement of universal life
nothing here to attach or identify with
no play that is not the divine play
we are just that movement set free from concern or planning
left to en joy the world to be the supreme nature come alive
you express the synthesis without the need of words
M: wonderful. it has a creation in my heart right now. maybe it shall happen
sounds of silence roaring in my heart
i dont really know why or how but i have taken the work given me and i cannot see beyond the end of my nose what is happening
i described it to Simran as pouring water into a well but being unable to see if it is filling
when the flood comes then i will know
i do know that life on this side of the void is without signs or clues
everything comes like a train with no tracks
no destinations or schedule
life is off the rails
its hard to describe but the truth has no form no shape and we can only trust the moment
so right now this is the shape of the path of the sadhana of the work
tomorrow there is no saying
thats why love is all love alone contains the whole in every molecule of existence
M: yes all to do is surrender each moment while operating this human life
the human has nothing but thinks it has something
it is so shocked when it is gone but it was never there
this world is a paradise of fools and a sacrifice for the seers to stay
M: yes I think one of my last human hurdles is just knowing im capable of anything
M: being divinely responsible
there is no truth greater than that you are everything
so what can be not done
and thats a lot to take responsibility for
and theres where the human falters
but the deed is already done and its only acceptance not doing that is required
for Mother does all and you become that piece of her play that weave of her design
and as you become that you are her
M: I aspire to be the perfect surrender
force of her force ananda of her Ananda
M: YES
its just a process for the human to accept the divine within through surrender to a form that is outside yet only a placeholder for the final reunification
there is no separation of the divine and the human
there is only the infinity of time and the emptiness of space that clouds our judgment
for all is here and never gone
and always has and will be
to remove the dimension of mind removes all doubt
for in that virtual world we create the illusion and delusion
and only there are we both master and slave to ourselves
free the inner slave, exit the movie theater of the mind
experience the sky as the light of your awakening
expanding in all directions and encompassing all
what ends this human life begins the divine birthing
and to be born in this body alive anew as the true self the undying freedom
then the universe is your intelligence and the unmanifest your truest self
M: thats relief
 there is no thing that exists other no part apart from you
you are the gluey bonding of the experiential awareness
bringing into being all and using all as the means of your will and purpose
this shell you exist in is just a tiny part of your machinations and deliberations set into worldly play and direction
you are there as well as everywhere and consciousness exists in all
let go the shell consciousness and expand into the unified continuum
unending waves of being becoming the bliss of experience
from creator to created the continuum forms and fold and collapses and recombines unending
this universe is only the moment and all happens continuously
what happened once is still here and never ends
the light that came is still shining now
the elements transformed and recombined a billion trillion ways are still the elements that have always been
and we the consciousness that set all into play and seeks all experience of the play and feeds upon the remains transforming all into its unending being
we are that being of unending delight
M: Its amazing how your words open doors for my consciousness to expand
from the limited differential nature to the eternal propulsive generator
 we are that all and have no way to know until the picture is shone in our eyes and ears from some outside source
but it is you holding the mirror to yourself
and seeing the eyes pulling you deeper into an unending tunnel
the reverberations forming pulsating sequences through unchanneled neurons
opening the empty spaces between your ears
hear your own voice calling you to deeper and deeper layers of stillness and silence
and rest in that vastness undying as the well of being descends through every layer of unconscious unmanifest unknowable truth
and from there emerge the awakened mother to become the universal play that discovers its own undying love and seeks forever that intense ananda of union
the divine becomes you and all you were is no more
yet nothing has changed, the world still spins the universe vast and starry array
yet the glow is your own radiance and love is your own heart everywhere
and each being a sparkle of the glow a touch of that heartbeat
perhaps you can share this with those who could not make it today
thursdays wildman talk
M: sure :)
M: (nod)
its of the same vein as all my talks
the main artery of the heart

are you alive



are you alive, i mean Are you alive, is that you living or do you just interact with life and call that living. for what is life, its not the things you do or your feelings is it, those are like symptoms of life. life is in all these things but not of them, its the stuff of sensation and the ability to feel. is it the body living and your just along for the ride, or is there a life of the consciousness also.some embodied beingness that floats in and out of the world and into another realm that while separate is fundamentally connected to everything in this physical nature. this body, its not who we are. It was created so we could be enticed to be here, to bring the divine consciousness into the physical and it could experience that supreme being. certainly the body/mind could exist without this but this is what it was made for, to be the temple of the embodied being and the body more than anything else is surrendered to this, to you, the divine you that has come for this human experience and in the process uplift that which makes it possible. the body is our holy tabernacle, the holiest place on earth,and it will not question anything you desire.it will debase itself no end, destroy itself in order to do what you want, just so it can be one with the embodied being. make no mistake that the enslavement of the physical being is a karma and treating it as you would a tissue creates lifetimes of painful returns. be loving as you would with your own child or animal. don't abuse the poor thing for it loves you more than life itself. give the body its needs , good food, shelter, exercise, treat it with respect and love and it will accompany you on your eternal journey and will itself transform along with you and accompany you to your highest transformations even as it works with you to ensure the manifestation in this physical reality of your true divine nature and purpose. share love and life but do not be identified with the body, know its true purpose and meaning and it will carry you to whatever destination you can travel to in this world or worlds beyond this.

the right hand of darkness

the right hand of darkness or the left hand of god, we all descend and play in the madness of desire, the force of life and the connection to the body, its wants and needs we say but all is in the consciousness, the desire nature of the embodied being. we feel the flesh and the hunger, the life of riches and the availability of easy pleasures. what could be more true than feeling good, having fun with the being totally identified with the body, one to one and having fun. there is no right world or wrong world. the holder of the cup drinks and tastes the wine or water what difference this potion or that all things become dust and all dust becomes man. for what difference a divine self or a self of dirt and ashes. you cannot be the truth without a long acquaintance with whats false. the drinking and partying, the lust and satisfactions, all have their day and night, in there too is the working and struggling, the hardships and worry, raising families or having no family, emptiness or too much to even get your head above water. the drowning of the senses, the overload and coming down, the cures and failings, sickness and death, all create a tapestry of unbearable fullness, a life lived but somehow still unfulfilled for me. i felt the emptiness and knew that was the reason for the excess, the self destruction and the illness, the damned void of the self that had no real connection to all i did except to laugh at the uselessness of pleasure or pain loss or gain even love or unloved, what difference anything made to the void. it waits, with a silence that makes emptiness loud. the sucking void of self, where no one has any truth or consequence, for all are doomed regardless. i walked through that valley alive and dead, in fierce denial and acceptance, yet i struggled with who it was walking, who it was questioning, for there was the void and it denied everything equally. no self no other no finish or failure for what matter trying or success, as failure brought a swiftness to the end.and that in itself was a relief, to slide faster as i threw off the remainder of my life and just said F it all, whatever is left will be what is, its not me, I'm not that, or this or anything in this world or worlds nearby. if there is a me its beyond or between the dimension of existence, the dimension of pressure and change and force and creation, its some endlessness that isn't even that void of all things but is beyond emptiness or fullness, some incorruptible nature of divine absolute purity that has no duality or singularity, and becomes what is through attachment to all that is and all that is not equally and without division. somewhere in what is and isnt there becomes, and what is unknown is manifest secretly.

children, my mother had 9

children, my mother had 9, she was ready to stop after 3, i was number 4. the laws of the catholic church and my fathers insistence, demanded she not not be allowed any birth control, and i assume the idea that she would not have sex was also forbidden or was not part of her personality, because she was like a force of nature and things desired were absolutes and she was in the moment and deadly dangerous. i always saw my mother as a large viperous snake in a room full of bunny rabbits, ready to pounce any time the feeling struck her. but when relaxing she could be very welcoming and friendly. but the moment she lived in could change and her along with it. im sure she was a divine being trapped in some deadly tapasya for her to overcome some repulsion or impulses from a past life. here she was only given labor and poverty, mixed with the force of Kali. she achieved great things and could take on anything and expected everyone else to do the same, though after the first set of 5 children, she was more prone to sit and tell others to do the work. somewhere in the decline into unbridled madness she became unhinged and raised the last three survivors as playthings for her madness and anger. after that she was like a sadhu without morals or reason, striking at the white whale because it was where the gods came close where even they might be brought down with her fury. the family degenerated and she wandered to her brothers house where she stayed for a few years and witnessed him dying and his wife commit slow suicide. and then the degeneration overtook her and the loss of memories came, almost as a final blessing, for with the Alzheimer's came some peace some blissful moments without anger or blame or fury, but now a gentleness descended and she returned to her long suffering mate and he welcomed the frail remainder as his young lover once more. her death at 83 was two months long and painful as her colon died inside her and she slowly suffered great agonies. her chalky white body remained on her bed in my fathers house for a day, long enough for me to drive there to view the remains and see the once great white whale herself finally and completely defeated by this world, though as they drug her to the waiting unmarked station wagon and the green slime flowed out her nose as she was carted away, i could hear her say, ha you think thats bad, wait until they come for you. a life of labor and suffering, madness and degeneration but all in the flow of the divine, as one not held to the world standards except as a convenience or a gambit for her own devices and inner machinations. i still hear her teeth grinding and her eyes like gamblers dice set to roll, ready to take what was hers. (note:picture is of her parents)

this is heavens gate

this is heavens gate
and the world its mighty courtyard
let the eastern sky delight and the sun from you to me unite
for where you are is the other end of all and here i know i can reach right down through this oh so solid rock and touch you
there is nothing as transparent as reality
for the tissue of its existence is all in the mind
no force can be stopped by such playthings as rock and steel
only the dream connects for what is it connecting to
the life of being , the universal design, the source of all desire
one soul to be them all and one heart to forgive
each life a movie for the delight and love of all
to bring some psychic recording of all that was and will be and is
this tiny self the reflection of the entire universe and here recreates what is being created universally
and in the universe the vision of the divine awakening from this grain of soil brightens every darkness and sets the ancient soul aflame
for the divine seeks the self in thee and has no place to surrender but within the play here untold and waiting for its creation
there is a change that all this is bringing
a mighty ocean of unrest boiling with the heat of uncertainty
unable to hold its shoreline whipping waves and winds to the ends of the earth
a tsunami building from the eruption of the so solid earth to rip forth the truth from the depths of the unseen self
the deepest core of being that no tempest can ever touch
this life divine is forged in the crucible of the physical and no end can ever come from that union
the parade of the kings and the followings of the jesters and courts is coming to an end
the world in a peace that knows no serenity
a locked horns of immobility that cannot last
in this space a little truth has emerged and must have its chance have its opening
for truth cannot be denied, cannot be softened with lies  can only burst forth from the untrammelled ground and shoot upwards with a joyous sound
this life becomes the freedom of the creation and the end of slavery to desire
and all that can walk away must run
before the battle resumes and all kingdoms come shattering down and the truce of forces fighting ends
and every innocent is marked for destruction as surely as every being in divines arms is sheltered
for this war has no end but emerges without concern for chaos is the nursery of truth and the life we know is the fruit of all pain, take this short time and seize the truth as your shield and grow light with its protection,for what created you has never left and all is the play of universal forces seeking to manifest one divine being
you are the seed and the fruit and the mother of the vine wrapped around the trunk of the tree of love
be fruitful and grow ever higher to the divine sky
its like a poem that has no end or beginning but is sung endlessly throughout all time and space
when i truly depart this mind it fills me with its rhymes and rhythms lines and verses words and wisdoms
there is no one here to tell the story so it tells itself and there is no end to its undying glory
for all is its truth and creation and manifestation and transformation for somewhere it seeks that which cannot be found but only become unknowingly that which has not yet emerged from what is to what cannot be imagined
in the smallest atom this work is done and each configuration there is the uncertainty of what it will become
and that which responds changes to its song, dancing to another beat of life that has every possibility and not stuck in the unchanging knowledge of demise and decline

this imaginary life

this imaginary life, the one without knowing its nature, the one being the situations and emotions and thoughts, the only life for the billions of souls. the unemerging masses holding tight to the unconsciousness and like gravity sinking deeper and deeper into the well of despair and pressure. each life a little universe, ending in a crushing collapse, sucking all the light from around it into its darkness, becoming the dark matter the dark energy that pulls the other universes into its death throes. if everyone is in the dark, then darkness must be the light. this is the short timers way, to do unto others before they do unto you and get what you can before someone else does. the little universes, the brilliant evocations of the divine universe, each a shining reflection of the undying force of all, each fading and being snuffed out as they admit their defeat at the hands of time, alone in space, cut off from every sense of truth or light, each becoming its own unruly creation of uncontrollable emotions and self fulfilled desires, wrapping itself in more and more density until the darkness rules. there is the other way, the way of the light, to become the conduit of the divine that we all are created from, to let go of the self made structures and follies of success and desire and let what is naturally there come through. this life the one miracle that all share, to be alive, and for each it is the unimaginable truth that we exist, yet one step further most never dare step, to admit we were created for a divine work, to be the expression of a higher force and become that without resistance, to feel the joy of that being in us and through us and suddenly knowing it is that which we are and not a separate thing imposing itself, in truth the ego is the imposer and the impostor, as if we are the smallest and most limited creature on the earth, surviving only through our mind. this is what the ego wants us to believe for its only in our minds that it has any control. the dead end of thought of the virtual world within, the gameboy version of life. to take at second hand every experience and truth and make it into our version of what is, making it harder and harder to accept what really is happening all around us, making it hard to associate with the reality of existence, how else does the mind become distorted and people start seeing what isnt there and having memories of things that never happened. the internal thought machine is not the universe, when used as a virtual reality simulator, it becomes a burden of fears and desires for that which doesnt even exist. its like watching the television and thinking thats what is going on around you. then instead of experiencing what is going on you project what the television shows you onto the world. no wonder we appear as madmen and crazy lunatics. the universe doesnt care as long as we push the wheel of karma, as long as we create a symbolic expression of self into the world, no matter how strange and twisted it may be, the universe is good with it. its not seeking a specific outcome or has any certain guidelines for the human race to follow, it just wants the energy to flow, to create and make more creators. eventually some will start doing the work, and when that gets started it will realign the flow to transform the unconsciousness into divine awareness, but the process is first to evolve from unconscious to conscious and in that all are subject to the force of desire and eventually the seeking of peace. once peace is found then the individual can experience the universal nature of being within the finite self. only then does the real transformation begin.

i am being destroyed each day

i am being destroyed each day in ways i didnt know there was a me there to be destroyed, yet even that which feels is lessened and that which experiences is left deep in a well of unbearable sensation and delight. the emptiness of self is never empty enough as long as even a shell remains. we examine this smallness and see the inevitable capture and completeness of its magical ability to entrap and enwrap the being in such sense and nonsense of desire.even the smallest thought that this is mine or i need this cripples the universe and upends the cart of divine travel pulled by the oxen of infinite patience and service. for who am i to be riding when there is work to be done and others to gather for the harvest. i enliven this self and elicit my own response to that which i am subject to and in it all i reveal that which is not me and yet surpasses my ability to control for that which i am slave to is both master and subject of this illusion, the only being is ultimate and has nothing to be brought or taken, and in my wandering mind the simplest attachments take huge space and conflict with emptiness that even becomes a desire for nothing.what is it i am and how is it destroyed even in the wilderness of surrender and letting go, the wildness of having only the divine and knowing the thought that is not thinking but envelopes the tragedy of existence with bliss of being and the ananda of creation. i flow like a waterfall and though i am smashed in the delight of the rocks below i become the river and the oncoming ocean of awareness ever reaching the horizon and falling into the well of spaceless realms beyond. how am i even in this place where there is space and time and desire, for who are you listening but the self that speaks and nods in agreement and has no concern for what can or cannot be. i steal from you to add to me but who is the loss and the gain the sufferer and the pain, the only one here has no sensation but to be and from this eternity has come aspiration to see another as me and know what that could be and in this divine play we become the one another would desire and then end all play until a higher power is ever come. i beyond i and self beyond self we have no understanding of no self of being less selflessness, yet we aspire beyond even comprehension and Mother gives even that for to chew upon the gristle builds up the force of destruction and the transformation of awareness for man to know there is no man and no world and no self but the unknowable and the most divine is just a picture we draw to understand we cannot imagine who we truly are.

the tourniquet tightens

the tourniquet tightens, the thought of loss constricts the entire being, what is there worth living for. this life, this mess, this endless pain, there is nothing and i the only awareness is suffering. for there is only me, the small and helpless, the victim of the desires this world creates in man.and i want nothing more to do with it neither to add or subtract from it for every action sinks deeper into the tarry pit and pool of reaction and struggle. the only thing that can be done is nothing, to sink to the floor against this wall and let loose a mighty wailing and despair. for none care and none can understand this emptiness, this broken waste of a life. thus begins the spiritual life. the dejection of the human is created from an event or series of events that renders this human life meaningless. with the realization that nothing on this planet can change that, the being within hears the call that it has waited for through lifetimes of drama and passion. i give up, i cant do this, the end is here. these are the signals for the being to offer the truth that cannot be understood as long as the mind holds to the notion of possible advantage. for even in despair some see the possibility of pity or creative rebirth, sometimes there is that desire to be helpless so that one can ensnare others in the trap of your creation. no this must be the true death, the end of wanting end of seeing any thing worthwhile for the self. then the being can offer the truth, that a greater force than the ego can bring all suffering to an end. for the soul in despair is truly the divine light shining, for how else can the ego be let go of itself, until even that seems like a joy to let go the burden of being you, of being a shell of a self, a weight that has no substance but desire.and what engine of destruction greater than ones own desires and the impulse to fulfill them. that leads perfectly to the wall and wail and the giving up, for nothing fulfills and all triumph turns to defeat in the world of the flesh. we see it in our parents and friends but vow that can never be our fate, its the stuff of news and fiction and movies and life but somehow we never see it happening to ourselves, until the trap is sprung, the noose tightened and the rope we have been given begins to hang this sufferer from his own lonely hand. the truth is not an easy thing to see so the noise of the mind and the vital must be stilled before it is heard. and only when the self can truly say enough can this happen. the drinking the sex the lust for power and money what is it all in the end but madness and pain, for each generation says i wont get trapped and each falls into flaming ruin. only the divine life is true, to give up all human aspiration for the supreme union and love can this life become a path to the end of suffering and the purpose of love and joy, not only for the experiencer of the divine but for the divine herself in you and you in her, become the one, the truth of all creation, the fulfillment of divine life and the eternal knowledge of undying existence for all.

as an offering, this life

as an offering, this life is nothing. all we are is the very dust of the universe compressed and given breath, given animation, the mind set in motion like an endless machine, the vital grasping and desirous.what have we gained in the decades since birth, what is this pile of belongings and small victories and defeats. we create nothing, we take from what is available and call it ours. then we surrender that as if it is. no, surrender is what we dont have, a life saturated with the force of love and given to the work of no reward. to give up all that we think is ours and place the self in the fire of offering. this life is not to be gained or promised but to surrender to what is hers, the Divine Conscious-Being, the  Transcendent, the Universal Mahashakti. To sense her within us, there must be no resistance to the force, to the direction to the transformation within and without. every moment with her is Divine delight. the life without suffering, knowing each movement is hers each action her action, each result only for her. what can be ours that was not already created by her? Is there a world that you created, a new thing that was never before known. Such is the ego of the artiste, the craftsman, the writer and the musician, each creating a sound a form a n idea, that comes from where, from the very things given, the mind, the heart the body the elusive soul, all a divine birthright but not the humans possession. once the idea of ownership is let go, then the true nature can be revealed, not a loss of insignificant possessions but the gain of the true manifestation of the being the divine force within that transforms all life and all thought action aspiration into pure truth love consciousness and the connection to the Supreme love that gives all. we are not the owner but the owned not the master but the slave and in our everyday life we wear the chains of many masters but all are the children of the Transcendent life the Supreme Shakti that never fails to sustain and uphold all existence until we can become one with that force and begin to assist in the work that the Divine for all history has been engaged upon this world and all other worlds of this universe.to become the conscious collaborators of this work we become the instruments of the divine and in that being we become one with her force thought of her creation, will of her purpose, hands of her enormous strength and wisdom, there is no end of our self and her true and unmeasurable being and as we become that one ness that supreme union all knowledge is replaced with becoming and pure existence is our truth and devotion, there is no end to the creation of being and no end to the manifestation and its forms. yet that which is eternally has no touch of pride or ownership only the divine delight and in that we become the truth of ananda and bliss beyond this world and all worlds the pure elixir of being flows through each molecule of our being.

o delirious love being

o delirious love being
i worship thy lolling tongue
i walk in circles to see all and more of thee'
all my senses reel in the magnificence of your supreme beauty
no word can describe nor photo capture the radiance of your love
what cannot be known is felt and only time itself can reveal all that you are here in me
for the whisper of your breath sweeps away all fear and heals with the sound of divine delight
correct me to my ecstatic fault and show me thy pure ananda and bliss
for all i know is false before the sight of thee
though i light a million candles i see only thy brilliance and power
and here the darkness knows no end but for your coming all is white and forever sacred
into each hovel and hut such grace descends and from each window pours songs of devotion
thy only glance assures each moment is never ending and only thy heart exists within
your feet upon a bed of my hearts own blossoms touch no dirt or uncovered soil
for your love purifies everything inside me and i cast away all faithless turmoil
one word from your lips and i am forever speechless
from your eyes i see nothing but divine truth and light
what blindness now encompasses all for nothing can compare with this supreme delight
for you this lullaby of my heart is sung and i would travel round this world to be by your side
never let a moment pass without your love to be my guide
mysterious love, entrancing love divinely love and supreme love
all love of thy divine life
all ananda of your Supreme Ananda
immortal siren of the ineffable effulgent Ancient and most holy One
all is thine and before thee none can stand
for the universe is upon thy heart and within all are carried forever
ever present, ever knowing ever loving being beyond this life of beings
without your love what means this world or man or creation
in moments gone you come and before i am you are, here i remain and everywhere you rush to become
what wealth of life and living you bring and to my soul the river of divine truth now flows
bring the flowers and the vine both true and holy parts of thee
and beneath this ancient bodi tree
enlighten all of me
 

the totality of your existence

the totality of your existence is experienced now, the experience of past or future is all a projection from this moment. the experience of space/time is part of your consciousness, it focuses the attention. the events of your past and future are all shared in this consciousness that has no limits.
all is frame and conjecture of the truth
every slight phrase and comment is the shaping of reality
Simi: I fully comprehend that
Simi: All is on a spectrum of consciousness...
Simi: How evolved
Simi: And how diluted
yes and the passage from one frame to the next is limited
it must be created in the portal of aspiration
at all levels there must be a spark to ignite the fire
and that is loves tremendous force
its creates the spark and the fire
and the soul is riven with the experience of possibility
what simple thing is the light of love yet it changes entire worlds in days
sometimes i can hear the yearning just walking through the night
from dreamers and sleepers tossing and turning
the world is asleep and in their dreams are the stuff of truth and nightmares
Simi: Yessss
Simi: Absolutely
i no longer rest like that
the dreams are not bidden to me for i am the wakened even in repose
my dreams are the worlds of the dead the holocaust of the Mother
each light snuffed out as it passes the portal of the night
and a world goes black with the unwakened fear
chance is the coming of the indwelling being transformed
but the world is large and the number few yet here it seems so concentrate
what is the truth now that the supramental has descended
chance has become the reality and seeds sown are sprouted without effort
this light this sacred form seems in every eye transformed
for there is a new world dawning and i see its limpid eye opening
seeing for the first time the unreckoned truth
yet the dream is strong and the flesh weakened by the inactivity and nature of the mind
to hold even a candle in the wind of denial is strength unknown
for the forces see the coming and have no where to go
the lights of the world are spread thin but each touches the other
and the veil is lightened and lifts easily with the wind
if in one moment there is an opening and the light is shining
then the darkest heart can see the way out
this shell, this flesh has no memory or future, it plays its part and exits without complaint
but the soul has no place to go, no end to run to, this play is just a dance and the music never ends
what madness the endless beating of the heart and breathing of the lungs, when no air or blood are there
this life this mystery is the truth of pleasure and pain, the foundation of a sin of confusion and the tricks each actor knows
for the faces change but the soul remains the one that cannot be anything
Simi: I am just sitting here reading everything
but is forever waiting.
this world the point of concentration, the cauldron of desire becomes the fulcrum of the divine to lift the truth from the sorcerers stone and bring some tiny essence from the madness, some opening to the divine that was not before complete
yet how that can be or be done is yet a mystery and more it has no end or opening until the words are written to bring it forth
and what can be written that has not been said before and in truth there are no words possible
so play upon play upon unconscious play
the world is woven in the fabric of untold divinity and transposed deities, each a mirror of the one
yet nothing bring the sun closer to the night or the light further than the stars
yet wondrous be the creation this life this tiny world is all that matters and what is done here is the change of the soul and the evolution of the undying being
unconscious is the undying Brahman and conscious his creating force, yet once and for everything it is all in change and flux without end
love has come from the separation and it can never be stopped
never
the truth is the manifestation of this force and its power to transform even that which brought it into existence
awareness is becoming conscious of its emptiness because love has opened its heart
and what is love that even the heart of darkness is its slave
the promise of endless ending, completion perfection and destruction, the ultimate upheaval of all that is and in its end the promise of newness and delighted resurrection
each heart knows this cannot end yet it must or nothing will be destroyed
and with one swoop that which cannot be becomes and what was is not again and again as the new becomes the old and new again
there is the unpredictability of this life this separation that acts out the infinite in the individual
every day
i cast the form of the moment into the crucible of unformed expression and it becomes a living thing that goes its own way and i just follow and sweep up the pieces
and this i cannot do on an iphone
for one bludgeoning finger is to little a brush for this sized canvas

what is gratitude

what is gratitude, the expression of love for what you have, for the moment to experience it to have the capacity for feeling love, the gratitude of dreaming, to experience the unimaginable truths without fear or physical restrictions. this life this moment you live, the wind blows a breeze that has traveled endlessly to reach you, air millions of years old, refreshed by living creatures dedicated to service for centuries, filled and refilling millions of lungs billions of times, never ends, continues without fail even as the earth travels to distant reaches of space and time, we cannot ever let go of what we have, the intensity of human existence, the feel and the taste, the knowing and the connection as every blade of grass and star in the heavens conspire to merge into you, to grow a you in the nursery of earth. and what is that place, that rock that speck of dirt that has no knowing of itself, that sees only its billions of faces but not the face the universe sees, the crucible and center of consciousness, self awareness the separate self enabling the universe to know who it is that is being created here, who is the creator and the created for the universe is the object as much as the subject, and theres no rules how this is done, for one thing is certain true awareness consciousness does not grow from lack, from scarcity, from the nothing, for that is the end of awareness the end of the spectrum of existence to be that to become the void. in the universe, there had to be the point of connection, the universal touches the finite the individual and there anything could exist anything could happen without restraint, for to be separate is a horrible idea, a true macabre creation for what could grow in the middle of nothing and become something nothing is not. but ordained it is and we the enjoyers are also the sufferers and penitents of design, for its our fault this happened and it happened to everyone, and we are that one and everyone and we all know each others suffering and cannot stand it, so we cope and collapse and continue with the experiment, the creation, the nursery for consciousness that must evolve until it can function as the universal consciousness for its a done deal, its already acheived its just in this separate self everything is chopped into the microbits of time and experienced sequentially so that consciousness can maintain its separateness and not become the whole before it has attained the state of understanding, the full maturity of the self, the universal being of the self becomes the other, the separateness and then sees the design of the whole and understands the purpose of the nursery and begins the long arduous task of changing diapers and feeding the ones that can be taught how to care for themselves and then others as this self this process of reorganization of truth, and yes it happens on its own, but there is endless suffering as the consciousness lacks its own awareness and its unnecessary. the youth are being brought to the state of the supramental energy quickly but the older ones are unused to the source of the divine within and fight the programming slowly, unable to turn as a ocean liner of memories collapses the spirit within. all is the design of the divine nature to become alive, to be the individual within the infinite the universal speck of sand and the universal everything, to see what the nature of being encompasses and if it has anywhere to evolve in this configuration of existence. time has no weight or substance yet it creates the illusion of the separate existence within each drop of the ocean, and each floats alone unknowing if there is water nearby.

nothing gladdens this heart more

nothing gladdens this heart more than to see all my children and help them on their way to spiritual and worldly independence. both require a surrender to the process a surrender to the outcome a surrender to the forces that create and sustain and also take away anything and everything we think we do or have. all we are comes from and returns to these forces and no one is beyond their reach. this small world and our human societies and personal systems are simple and childlike even in our most cruel and distorted ways, the gamut of human emotions, the limits of human thinking and rationale the expression of small realizations and revelations all fall within a narrow confine and do not rise above the lowest planes of the mental and physical and causal existence. the beings of pure light and supramental existence do not inhabit the earth plane but do control its functioning and the shepherding of the human flock is but a tiny portion of their responsibilities. Mother Nature is a single aspect of this consciousness that envelopes not only all human awareness and experience but those of every creature and being alive or in dreaming stasis in the universe. the universal mind, the universal experience the universal awakening is the life of these beings and the progression and care of the human world of the falseness and suffering is part of their own universal sadhana and we the agents of their divine development, for nothing in this existence is greater than any one part and every bit of unconscious matter and undivine thought is the limitation of the whole and cannot be just excised or deleted as nothing in this universe can be created or destroyed except that it be transformed into a higher or lower energy of itself. what appears to be the lowest form of life or inanimate matter is still the form of the divine and imbued with an innate consciousness that is shared with every other bit of matter every shape of form that has any sense or awareness of itself and its surroundings. but just as a rock can block all progress by laying on the road so too does this world and its delusion and refusal to change create a possibility for the advancement of those beings travelling on this path to universal and divine consciousness. it is a wonder that these same beings can exist in a human form on earth to do this work and to discharge their duties but as humans they too must feel the long weary toil and painful setbacks that are the part of the flesh in its natural state. whatever the outcome of their work the divine ones on this planet all follow the same path, they bring the light to the darkness and give every thing, all their love and strength to even one soul that can transform in this unconscious land in this cauldron of transformation where the lowest reside as kings and the pauper who has nothing is the only man free to find his true home and assist with the work that is never finished.