the thing you cant remember

the thing you cant remember, the thing you cant forget, the life you had, the unwrenching pull of consciousness and its movement to untouched awareness, both are the moment, one is lost, one is never lost. the sun moves into shadow and the clouds billow with the afternoon breeze. both are the sense of my inner life and the unwitting nature of the mind. what was me is the hologram, the projection onto the mirror, but now I see through the glass darkly and await the light to be released. the simple truth, am I real, is never simple or true, I am not I am but am not before the am, before the i or is it I? i cant imagine what i am. or if i am just a dream of I and will awaken not free at all but in another world of i-ness and isms. the life is over and the life is begun without living the dream or the make believe. one second there is a mountain, the next there is no one to experience that. is that meaning the mountain is not or i am not. one must give before the other can continue. or maybe both exist only in the moment of experience and then disappear with the falling of the curtain of oblivion. the absolute is beyond mountains and clouds and planets and stars, these are the mirrors of the senses, not the pure silvered awareness spread molecule thin across the glass of perception. i see only what i am because that is all that i can perceive in my mirror, what the forms really are is beyond my ability to conceive. light, dark, heat, cold, the transit of time and location, these are my paints, my colors. the world and all its glory, my brushstrokes, layered upon layers of layers, reflecting in my mirror of mind. i dance alone and experience the thrill of a partner, step in step in step with my every thought and feeling, and i am suddenly thinking is this me or them, i or thee, for i cannot tell where one ends and the next begins and even myself seems separate as the perception of i and I expands and the gulf between widens and the gap becomes the ocean and then the whole night sky and beyond. what is. is not what is perceived or experienced by any sense of self, that is the dance of illusion. seduction of maya and the million veils of the senses. beyond the sense is the soul without the self, the atman whole while the self separates and fragments and disperses like a gas that dissipates and is gone. light but not from any source, shining unspoiled by perception, radiating emptiness not reflection.