2nd day dysentery, ever since the well ran dry, the last foul pumping seems to have set off the intestinal bugs. yesterday they brought in a tanker with 12,000 ltrs but it takes 24 hours to settle the dirt it stirred up. besides the tank is already contaminated. I need to flush whats in there out. I haven't been up the mountain for 3 days and I couldn't walk the girivelam under last nights full moon, very orange, very Shiva. woke at 4am got dressed ready to go to the mountain, but cramps and crowds filling the streets walking finally turned me back, I feel a bit old now weak. tomorrow i'm supposed to be on a train to south point, Kanyakumari, to see the Baba, Ayya, but the way i'm feeling I hope I can make it. theres not much spiritual in my life anymore, its time for chanting and meditation. but this is like eating and sleeping, breathing the dusty air that feels like its been baked in the bricks, everywhere is love and blessings, this is just the earth singing, not the spirit, the truth is the earth is more spiritual than any guru or master. this is the life, being spiritual is a whole other realm, beyond this world. the life we imagine is just a projection, and through the process we create what we experience. my body rebels or maybe just gives up and I have no real strength to go beyond that, some paltry suffering and im finished. theres not much in me that can survive this, another 5 weeks in india and im already crying for relief. theres nothing here that I cant somehow imagine is just my own mind playing make believe. the next place I go will be even more imaginary. all the world is a part of the hallucination and no one is real.
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