at times the smallest realization

at times the smallest realization the one where i cannot even breathe or move, where there is no room for even my eyelash to blink, and what remains is the infinitesimal self adrift in the staggering beauty of the world the heavens the grace and the ananda of existence. my littlest self in my van, puttering along the cliffs and clouds and shining oceans of unbelievable serenity, the perfection of nature existing in divine surrender and harmony, giving one pure soul of being in every bush and tree and insect and sunshined reflection of water and gravity and wideness stretching to infinite ends and my littlest self, struggling to hold any part or any understanding of the inexpressible wonder and pure devotion that comes for the one divinity one heart one consciousness that would bring all this for just one soul, and such waves of joy wrap me in its arms as i transport through this ananda to the same being that would love even the tiniest ant or cricket, each leaf and drop of sea water, and see in each and without doubt the purity of devotion and surrender from each to all and from that which all knows completely to each individually and nothing can be missing from the eternal being endless and timeless witness and creator, being and nothing, lover and loved singular and in purity without perfection but never missing from any thing i am that self in each infinite particle being  drenched and lifted eternally to the supreme that has nothing but creates everything. what remains of my being opens its tiniest eyes and sees the unending love in the stillness and vastness of everything within and without and loves beyond feeling or measure the truth of love pouring through this heart so small that love is too much for it to bear. no window to the soul or freeway to enlightenment but the ocean surf pounding the heart into the sand with such force nothing can remain. here is the remains of devotion in every grain and molecule and endless infinite fractions of existence becoming that which cannot be any smaller and in that becoming that which is in everything.