i want to apologize

i want to apologize to my reader for the unforgivable nature of my writing lately. there is no way for me to control it so i just let whatever i am feeling become the words one after another on the page before me, if it makes any sense its not due to my efforts but rather to your highly imaginative nature. for this i am forever in your debt. however, if mine words become even too garbled and disconnected for you to manage please feel free to change them and find your own creation within these scattered vowels and consonants. today is the first day of an existence that has not been wasted getting here. not a second was spent in idle boredom but rather inebriated and medicated for my own safety and surely finally released from the boundaries of worlds less endearing once the sleeper wakened and found the ropes loosened slightly and his captors mysteriously missing. as each rope was cut and wrenched from my flesh either with searing pressure or by some relentless sawing upon a sharpened surface or both, i felt such exhilaration and joy that freedom would be mine and none could keep me from it even if it meant the giving of my life for its vain attempt. what had created this predicament and who had placed such strictures and restriction on me was a dim memory, i recalled huge beings filled with pain and destruction clambering across my vision and feeling the helplessness of a babe just born as they began the process of placing first soft warm wrappings around and around me, comforting initially and then soon i realized tighter and tighter straps were encircling me and movement as well as even breathing became a labor and a chore requiring all my effort and attention to continue and the last i can clearly recall, i was placed practically numb and encloaked in a seat among many like me with yammering noises and threats of failure and painfully practiced recitals of unknown sounds and hiding from the wrath of the black frocked keepers who brandished long sticks and screamed unthinkable sounds for me to remember. soon all became a blur of repetition and fear until i awoke in a factory of bodies all eviscerating them selves for the pleasure of their stomachs and organs, and i too castrated and bleeding internally dying before i had lived still covered in choking strictures and veils, awaiting my turn at the morgue. until now and somehow, painful and slow as it has seemed, the binds are loosed and i am standing finally on my own and breathing with full lungs and seeing with one blurred eye the light and all of the universe beyond and i feel only love and a happiness that must be joy for i have never known any other thing to be so wondrous. it was every second worth this instant of existence for now i know this will never end.