the process of giving and taking

the process of giving and taking, both imply the control of the giver and the taker, both are the action of the ego. giving thrusts the gift upon the receiver, it implies the status of the two parties involved, one having and one not, a judgemental action, also taking has no grace, it forces the action, one takes when one cannot resist or must due to the pressure of the situation. in the universe we are not given, for there is plenty everywhere and nothing is given to anyone, any individual, rather all is offered as a plant offers its flower or a tree its fruit, who or when or if receives it is not the action rather the perfect nature of the moment is preserved as all things proceed without any expectations. and what is the process the perfect fulfillment of the offering? acceptance, to experience gratitude and wonder for the bountiful nature of existence and the grace of the supreme provider that all should be present when it is perfectly provided. there is nothing the individual can do to create this perfection for it already is present and exists everywhere. these lives these experiences each and every finite breath is the blessing of creation and the creator the sustaining force of the Mother and the possession of Kali that returns all to the endless primordial state from which we are imagined and brought emptied once more to consciousness and the unreal awareness of the mind, and the connection of the heart where nothing before could be. nothing we can imagine within our tiny brains is real, there is only the constant digression of form and interaction of the three forces of embodied awareness, time space and consciousness, each existing in pure infinity and inexpressible yet in their finite nature the very limitations of human existence, the samskaras of awareness through which all life is formed. where the skin meets the atmosphere we become alive and think that existence is the reality of our experience, yet we are the air and the skin and all that combined and beyond the interface of all things we are the one heart, mind, soul, consciousness that has no consciousness or feeling or thought, that is light without darkness and endless night bereft of stars or destination. the oneness, offers, the unending infinity of form accepts and in that action we become and division emanates from every particle expressing the gratitude of love, the connection to the supreme expressing its infinite self through each and every finite part.

karma, the wheel, the millstone rolling

karma, the wheel, the millstone rolling inexorably in its mechanical rotation, crushing all that is placed in its path. from this the wheat is turned to flour and the flour turned to bread and food is eaten and life continues so that more wheat can be planted and tended and harvested, for eons and generations throughout time and place. we have no choice for food must be eaten to live and we must live in order to produce food. but what else is there, food and water, certainly some semblance of family to help with the labor and produce more family and protect what is produced and from this whole civilisations are constructed, and as they grow so too does the appetite and the desire increase. now evolved into beings of great civilised manner and privilege, we have becomes slaves to our technologies and live ordered and patterned lives in order to reap the fruits of others labors. transportation and marketing and clothes and products beyond description fill our lives, and what is it we want, what is it that chains us to our existence. Desire, attachment, need, the pillars of the senses, to have what we want, to experience again and again that which creates pleasure, to feel the rush of  synapses flowing with serotonin and endorphins, our lives become the chase after security and splendor, more wealth and power so we can live beyond all others. even the poorest want and the richest covet, for what is worth more, peace or plenty, since neither seems to exist with the other. even when they do it becomes a struggle to be satisfied with what we had yesterday again today, more and different but the same for change would bring uncertainty and what would that mean for our continued flow of having and hoarding and protecting. all is the play of the divine as each and every wants everything they want and will try harder and harder to keep that feeling alive. and come the day when the body collapses and the soul is released to return to the lower astral plane to reflect upon the life lived and what is there but the attachments and desires and regrets and hatred and fear and loss and continuous feelings of  wanting over and over until there is another body there to enter and return to the world that cannot end. the world of the wheel of karma, that which we are attached to brings us back to reattach and re experience life after life after life. in the lower astral you cannot rise above, release your desires or change your energy, all you imagine is created before you and you are lost in the dreams of what you want and fear and desire, all is like living except nothing can change there, only in the physical can these attachments be worked through and released. if you are dedicated, single pointed in your determination and secure enough to release all control over the process you may in this life attain some realization and go beyond all attachments.become disconnected from all physical desires and fears, realize you are the eternal being and not the physical form, then when you do release the form and go to the lower astral, you will be free to attain the higher astral vibrations of universal light energy being  love, the source of truth that flows through the physical into the finite separateness of physical existence but exists in its pure radiant eternal existence in the the higher realms. only when all physical attachments are gone can this be achieved and the cycle of rebirth finally ended. become the one being inexhaustable, irreducible, birthless and deathless and let all things go, then die in this life while your living, consciously end all attachment to desire, before death comes to your body so that in death, nothing grasps you nothing pulls you back to the world of samskaras.

arisen, compounded

arisen, compounded with unrelenting force, placed gently in harms way and plucked from the abyss, the saturated atmosphere of fear and greed empties as the mountain top emerges into emptiness and solitude. all above is beyond seeing, dimly distant rays reach endless curvature and the emptiness vibrates with potential and possibility. this oneness becomes full as the separated everything collapses and leaves no mark behind. almost a memory fades into a heart filled without end where nothing unmanifesting becomes purity emerging into the density of being, emptying all, creating what cannot be and continually destroying all that remains and restoring the unending flow of nothingness into everything and returning all, one, all done, all everywhere gone and here and never been anywhere and always the totality confuses the portions unconnected and cast away. one sea that drains into itself until empty and full at once and flowing where it cannot begin but never ending in a dance of endless pieces never knowing the works completion or design, just the parts rushing through the manifesting force and all its endless directions. i partake of the multidimensional awareness and still cannot grasp or encompass even a small or large portion of anything /nothing/something all around are the images of what was or will be and there is no center or stability, only fracturing compression and force, driving all before it and leaving nothing in its wake  filling immediately with the debris of the destructed creation recycled infinitely.

arise and devour the moment

arise and devour the moment, unlit, darkened by nights refusal to leave, morning awaits with  every promise but holding back, not ready to awaken, yet the heart trembles with delight for another day comes and all that is wanted will be there. the food, the sensations, the chatter and interplay of friends. what is life but the singular enjoyment and the working for pleasure where there is nothing. creation is living, bringing the heart into the world, agreeing that this is the moment, the-i am-here-ness, there is nothing else but all of this and what grand illusion is created each instant where there was nothing now love inhabits and manifests its magic. as the mind thinks and turns its attention so does the universe, for each soul is connected to the center of all creation and to its magical power to bring dreams into the stuff of life and fill it with unimaginable beauty. the heart cannot contain its joy as the universe creates all it can ever want everywhere it looks. as the poorest dreams so does the rich man and both are rewarded instantly and completely. what is missing is the intention and consciousness of the creating force within that directs the manifestation without. all things are but the whispers of the divine to entrance the being and fulfill every moment all that can possibly be desired. be not attached for everything is yours and is not, nothing remains but the memory that fades and all becomes the stuff that life is made of. you bring yourself and become that which you desire, on and on and on until only the desire remains and who is feeling is gone, lost in the pile of possessions and more. let loose everything and wash clean the creating tablet of your soul. imagine the universe perfect and all within beings of eternal light embracing the heart of love and filled with the consciousness of endless being.

i want to apologize

i want to apologize to my reader for the unforgivable nature of my writing lately. there is no way for me to control it so i just let whatever i am feeling become the words one after another on the page before me, if it makes any sense its not due to my efforts but rather to your highly imaginative nature. for this i am forever in your debt. however, if mine words become even too garbled and disconnected for you to manage please feel free to change them and find your own creation within these scattered vowels and consonants. today is the first day of an existence that has not been wasted getting here. not a second was spent in idle boredom but rather inebriated and medicated for my own safety and surely finally released from the boundaries of worlds less endearing once the sleeper wakened and found the ropes loosened slightly and his captors mysteriously missing. as each rope was cut and wrenched from my flesh either with searing pressure or by some relentless sawing upon a sharpened surface or both, i felt such exhilaration and joy that freedom would be mine and none could keep me from it even if it meant the giving of my life for its vain attempt. what had created this predicament and who had placed such strictures and restriction on me was a dim memory, i recalled huge beings filled with pain and destruction clambering across my vision and feeling the helplessness of a babe just born as they began the process of placing first soft warm wrappings around and around me, comforting initially and then soon i realized tighter and tighter straps were encircling me and movement as well as even breathing became a labor and a chore requiring all my effort and attention to continue and the last i can clearly recall, i was placed practically numb and encloaked in a seat among many like me with yammering noises and threats of failure and painfully practiced recitals of unknown sounds and hiding from the wrath of the black frocked keepers who brandished long sticks and screamed unthinkable sounds for me to remember. soon all became a blur of repetition and fear until i awoke in a factory of bodies all eviscerating them selves for the pleasure of their stomachs and organs, and i too castrated and bleeding internally dying before i had lived still covered in choking strictures and veils, awaiting my turn at the morgue. until now and somehow, painful and slow as it has seemed, the binds are loosed and i am standing finally on my own and breathing with full lungs and seeing with one blurred eye the light and all of the universe beyond and i feel only love and a happiness that must be joy for i have never known any other thing to be so wondrous. it was every second worth this instant of existence for now i know this will never end.

it is always you

it is always you, my heart my soul and my one love, there is no other to imagine but to join with every endeavor, every moment of silence and every song that sings the praise of her love. the world has no place but within us all and can never be separated. each heart beats with all and none can be a lone or apart. what is created is the connection we all feel and know even before we can question what has been given.my eyes flush with tears of joy and no sadness can ever touch them, for all is the divine creation and none can ever be left behind. what is given is the gift of love even where there is darkness a single candle shall pierce the night, and where every bright light glows there all darkness gathers to know its own delight that never ends but in the bringer of the lamp. sitting in meditation, there is no sky or earth or sea but only infinite wonder and timeless delight, all joy swells and moves through everyone and in my soul there is the river of endless journeys and the holder of them all knows no end. where ever i am there is no longer suffering but endless miracles as each becomes the final moment of surrender to the truth of all life, we are the creator and the created the lover and the loved the enjoyer and the enjoyed, we take form and delight in the multiplicity of creation and we go beyond form and revel in the devotion of the one being endless, effulgent and irreducible.

when night illuminates

when night illuminates just as the dawn, when there is only the inner light to see by and none other matter, when silence fills the heart and soul beyond knowing, beyond the measure of sound, when each rivulet and raindrop fills the ocean of your being, then you are becoming the sun and the moon and all the oceans of love and the infinite proportions of all existence, needing nothing, in the one boat that crosses all waters, driven only by the love you can feel in every breath and beauty of everything, then the life divine becomes all and nothing else intrudes to disturb or divert from your intense samadhi of living. the wind and sun bring the force of creation and love, the rain drops manifest each thought and dream, every cloud begins another lifetime and all things explode in bliss. there is no sadhana, no samskara no vital play but only the littlest heart bursting with gratitude and wonder, to be so blessed and loved in every moment and taken to worlds beyond imagining without ever leaving the arms of home and mother and love and all beings of light everywhere in union and magnificent harmony. blessed be each moment and all time and every ray of light that falls on everyone.

what promises are made

what promises are made and then broken as the world collapses on all, the weight of the unrealized and fallen short, the tried and not so true, the endless torrent of complaint and irresolute posture, where is the hardened staff that will not bend or break, the willows bow that twists and springs back anew countless times, the small yet furiously fast unwavering in their direction. the lost seek yet lose themselves again and again, as they find only what they want and not the light at the end of the world. for no earthly light shines upon this treasure, hidden before all eyes and unseen even in the midday sun, what reflects is all veneer , no substance does it show, the world, its weight unbearable, floats between the prize and all eyes everywhere.if you look through the light show, the movie, the illusory nature of all things where form is the emptiness and  and all else is the reaction of the senses made to bear witness to a terrible truth here and now that every sparkle is no diamond and not all glitters golden or precious, what is unseen has more worth in its unknowable nature than all the tangible truths of the universe, one drop of the elixir  of being, the unseparated truth,beyond the turtles back to back through all of creation resting alone upon the one turtle that is all that can exist and all else but reflections and fun house mirrored images. you are the unfettered truth, the one unuttered and untouched. from your instant of desire rose all the creation to find the source of that need, the molecule of madness that seeks what it is and cannot see its own face, here is the well of all despair and delight, suffering and bliss, false hope and sure determination, the endlessness of the worm devouring its own tail, unfaced and sightless, finding only the fractions and never the whole. from the mountain top all are valleys beyond, and never around this whole world is a station in the sky more than a fall waiting, all things are drawn to the surface, held to the crust, floating in the ocean of bodies, tides of emotion, irresistible urges and unending impulse. the world has no end but the world again and again. the attraction of the light leads to the truth that has no surface no form no end, it awaits your surrender and holds all light within, sees all truth without speaking, the heart is the only path to the soul.

everything clings

everything clings. the universe is attached everywhere to everything, there is only the ascension, the rising above everything that reveals the detachment, the emptiness that cannot be seen from within. it is not one thing or these things or those, but everything that must be removed in order to experience the undeniable freedom of being. what is there that we are that is attached, the need, the desire the game to get what you want, that propels you deeper into the well of samskaras. one action taken with the sense of ownership, reverberates eternally through the protocreation and manifests the endless returning to its reverberating generations of progeny. nothing succeeds but the cut of the blade across the neck and the sure deathless transformation of the soul from life to beyond living, to alter the track of the sensodramatic fulfillment endlessly repeating its wishes and dredging up the world to find the reason they do or wont be granted. all things pass and with them their possessors and all their desires. in the stream of life, only the water is unchanged as the fish live and die eternally, never knowing they are being systematically harvested for the needs of the air breathers, all the surety of the platter awaits, not the fulfillment of aquatic sentiments. the swimming being in the pool of the human vital is a shark or a salmon, a predator or prey, what games are played never change and the endless reproduction does not make it truer or better only more assured that you will also succumb to its ferocious appetites and become the devourer of your own soul, the destiny of your own doom, the creator of your own self deluded fear that nothing will or can ever change.