one moment life

one moment life, the next pain and death, there is no separation.what happens now is all that exists. in this moment i am living. i ask, what is pain, what is pleasure, both the unbearable pressure of experiences. is there a moment where existence becomes experience, when the self separates from the being and becomes the experiencer, the drop that has no ocean. the instant of reaction, where its no longer just the feeling of the wind but the chill of the flesh and the pain of realization, that everything demands, everything exposes the weakness and suffering that is inherent and slumbering to awareness. without reference we create the walls and windows of the illusion, the preparation for exposure and limitations. we become the smallness and the vulnerable child. it is the rare child that does not cry when born. then in the arms of love all is soothed and delighted and fed with nurturing love and what we believe becomes the drop of existence, falling in the rain, each a splash and then gone. without eating, without love, without breathing, a million lights shine and as many will cease in the night. what life is what love is what anything is becomes the reason for continuing, to have the next experience, for what we are is lost, the inexpressible, indivisible, beyond these momentary flashes of awareness, experience, action. there is no one, no separate self, but in the illusion of our existence, experience awareness we find a refuge from that. we become the evolution, the undeniable flow from contraction to expansion to diffusion to evaporation, as even that elemental composition disintegrates and unstructures, whatever was becomes more and more until the complexity becomes absolute and disappears into totality, the billions of lights become one unending brilliance of being. but in that arc from absolute stillness to unstoppable motion we define every minute instance of expression and experience, as if there were some eternal truth in continuous chaos. the fortune of being human is that there is no experience that does not end.