the stratagem of self analysis

the stratagem of self analysis no longer seems valid, the self looking into the self, the nature of the relationship has gone away. the question has shifted from who am i to really what am i. this unformed being, the flowing presence and unchanging stillness. there is no name for it and the self has no relation to it, there is a self, it interacts and converses albeit without the usual constraints or shared feelings of the other. there is no sense to continue a process that no longer has a valid object, its like a sentence that has no noun, no object to describe or quantify. who i am is defined by the relationships and attachments that have all been pulled apart, and at the center what they attached to is no longer viable. its a gauzy fuzziness where there used to be a thing. now theres the presence and nothing else is running things. what arises is what is paid attention. there is no plan or purpose or meaning, just the track of the pattern emerging without me creating or deliberating or analysing it. i am here because there is no me to decide, its done for me, its the obvious thing because its what is and not what isnt. If any good could come of dissecting how i got here or what it means or why it happened but there isnt, theres just the moment looking out at what there is and nothing else is making it go, the engine is gone, just the vehicle remains, everything is interior to the framework the viewpoint, the context, theres no here here its not a relationship to any point within and theres nothing beyond. all things come from here but nothing is here. the sense of looking at something that would be the self is like examining the shoe to understand the trail, the mountains the unexperienced expansion and blowing away of all sense of what was there before. the tornado has taken all that was and looking at the scraps on the ground wont recreate the home and life that was lived there. how the presence exists and is regardless of what the body or mind experiences is a mystery that no amount of examination can reveal. one can simply stop and in that stopping the endless truths make themselves known and what i thought of myself becomes an impossibility and nothing it can create remains. there is a tremendous relief and an unfailing truthfulness in its demise, and with it a sense of constant surprise and wonder. all that is, is possible and everything brings a newness that never dulls.