i have lived so long alone

i have lived so long alone, in my heart, letting only one be and all others just a visitor to their own self. the truth within is the gateway to the self that has no other. to be that even the gateway is to be alone, and the weight of that realization is a truth, solitary, existent as space, containing all but not a part of any. to its door and through each pass but none can remain as the pull is too strong leaving no one. a door has no place neither in nor out, both are there but the door is neither. as i pass through the light envelopes me and i like the great worm swallow myself and disappear endlessly even as i continue to swallow. there i realize the distortion creates the doorway, the incapacity for leaving and the service to all to allow the passage, create the opening within that channel,each soul in turn through and into their own self they disappear, strengthened, disturbed, elated, crushed.each from my wormhole into their own and from there a world that has no door but a brightness and some clarity where before the mind cluttered and thickened shuttering the opening. i sit upon a rock my back resting upon the hard outcropping of the flesh and contemplating the convergences of matter and time and energy that creates all, and the finality that life presents as if this will be forever and not just a lifetime. what can i do for others is now all that matters and what is before me is where to start. i contain the space of eternity and the moment that dashes too quickly, inside the universe has no end and outside i feel the finiteness dying over and over. the mind cannot be here for nothing is controlled or planned, nothing managed or organized by me. the truth is an intelligence and love and supreme awareness that no mind can imagine and the heart can only respond to, surrender and love, compassion and truth, for what am i but the child, filled with wonder and living a dream that never ends.