rain almost, heat above 100 F

rain almost, heat above 100 F, good day for the pool and AC, but i havent, instead, climb the mountain, meditate beyond awareness, decentralize consciousness, expand and cleanse the chakras. there is no end to the work or the play or the practice or the will to be. what is weather or time or preference in the face of the infinite opening. what is a break or vacation from the truth. there is nothing but this, the days become nights and the nights days, sleep is a change of consciousness, a perfected realm of non sequential processing, an alternative modality of the body/being connection, the unconscious becomes the channel to the unknowable truth. what is understood limits everything, and eliminates nothing. beyond knowing, understanding, thinking, the state of organic merger with inorganic being, the unbecoming of the self, the loss of identity and connection. phased phenomenonic immersion into being, becoming one and then none and then all no one. no part is a piece of nothing and nothing is apart. what is left is what remains. after the crucible of fire and the ocean of being consume all, there is nothing, and that is what is left. beyond the universe of you, the door prize of nothing, you get that and theres a big let down, everything you thought as yours is gone. the first step past the last gate never stops falling through emptiness.eventually the falling becomes floating or resting, theres nothing to judge by. but the blank horizons continue eternally and everything is flat. awareness is unending, beyond everything, where only nothing remains. the heat on the body, the sweat and ache, thirst and hunger, are literally removed. the moment stops forever. here the thought of you seems ludicrous and false even as the emptiness is true. what you are disappears but remains invisible in the transparency of light shining through eternity, never stopping, shifting from the emptiness and clarity to the fullness and density of the bedrocked manifested physical universe, set like an eggshell around the infinite being. deeply diving down and down the stripping away of the layers of existence continues until only the shining ray of truth is released and joins the same light from the instant of beginning to the end of nothing.

solitude, emptiness, love, life, meditation, freedom, divine will, supreme awareness

solitude is not a cave, or a sanctuary, but the being everywhere. emptiness is not empty but contains all without holding anything. love is everything with no restrictions. life exists as its own creation, unending manifestation. meditation empties the mind and allows all to exist without your attention. freedom is accepting that nothing is your responsibility. divine will is the expression of the unknowable into our consciousness, we become that which we cannot know and lose all sense of self. supreme awareness is perfected conscious acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness as each point of awareness transmits to the universal connection, creating all even as it is experienced. there is no separation, all is the one complete even as the process of becoming occurs. we are that process, incomplete and ongoing, incorrect and failing, finishing even as we begin.

We suffer

We suffer, that is a fact. everyday some sense of the loss, the lack, the hopelessness of existence, is present. We structure our lives to avoid it, to not think about it, to not experience the pain. we do not exist to suffer, but we do suffer to exist. every thought, feeling or action contains the potential to create more or reduce the amount of suffering. that which is purely for the satisfaction of the human ego, increases suffering, that which has no element of personal gain, reduces suffering. Suffering is universal, all human systems contain it. it is in the very fabric of our thoughts and DNA. we are not separate from its effects. yet it is the greatest illusion of all.for what is suffering? its the belief that we are destined to lose everything, either in this life or when we die. it is the sense of ownership taken away. the fact that nothing is ours and never was, so all is lost no matter what we think we gain. This is the truth of the material world, there is nothing that is ours, born without possessions, we leave this world and all we have accumulated. But without the concept of ownership, where is the suffering, it becomes gratitude, for everything is given, nothing is owned or acquired, so nothing can be lost. if all we have is shared, as the whole world is, as everything in the world is a gift from birth until death, then what is suffering? there is the feeling that one life is better than another one has more gifts one less? but what is that but judgement and who suffers, the judge. one who accepts that all is a gift, is grateful for whatever is given, has transcended suffering, one who judges if the gifts are adequate or not, equal or unequal, that one is suffering, in a delusion that cannot accept what has been given. when you own nothing, then nothing can be taken from you. all is the divine in everything expressing love and giving continuously, we either receive and feel the unending bliss of love and gratitude, or we resist and suffer thinking all is lost everything we have will be lost, we are lost. being lost is not knowing where you are, not seeing the unending grace everywhere around you. being lost is thinking there is somewhere else that is better, has less suffering. but its not the world around us that is suffering, its the human system, recognizing it has no hope of surviving and trying desperately to not accept that. acceptance is not piecemeal, its all or nothing. rejection of anything, is resistance and suffering. to see the total picture, that we are only gifts from the source of all existence, our life is a joyous miracle and all is truly the perfection of the truth awareness bliss consciousness that creates all existence, and we are just here to experience that and nothing more, whatever happens is not our doing, we are like the sense organs of the divine, touching and seeing and hearing everything. we do nothing but exist, all is the experience of the divine using us as the very organs of transmission. suffering is not accepting this. there is no changing it, just resistance. become the divine truth, become the experiencing, we are the process of existence, allowing the universe to experience itself.

When love touches the nothing

When love touches the nothing, all is manifest, totality encompasses all
divine life becomes the fulfillment and union becomes one
the sweep of existence creates the enjoyer and the enjoyed and the act of enjoyment
sat chit ananda permeates the nothing, becoming
until nothing is dissolved in the unbearable experiencing
and beyond release the unending ananda flows
the furthest edge of the eternal expansion crests across the chasm of the void
and finishes, emptying all into the space beyond the unmanifested possibility, into a nothing so supreme it can never be imagined
lingering in the torrent of being, facing the inevitable decline, i exist for an instant as the holocaust of everything continues eternally

knowing love awaits the surrender of the everything to nothing and then returns all to what is never lost
too early, too late, somewhere in times uneven distributions, we pace off our squares of existence and wait
exceeding our abilities, we overcome all possibilities to become the truth that encompasses all that is and is not and can never be
for beyond that which is manifest and beyond the possibility of the unmanifest,

lies the never that permeates the beyond beyond, that has no relative nature or dimension
exploring these caves, they go on and on and deeper and deeper until your unsure where anything is
the shakti allows unending expansion but without grounding
the awareness grounds but the expansion is limited
somewhere beyond the two is what remains
there is no experience or creation that identifies the being,

all is the endless manifestation and transformation,

in one instant all separate existence is created from the intention of the supreme totality,

and in that instant the destruction of everything is complete,
for no experience or experiencer or act of experiencing exists but within the framework of opposition.
as soon as opposition is done, there is no awareness, no consciousness, no self,
whatever is beyond has no relationship, no identification, no existence as we can understand.
what is felt through alignment with this endless cycle of creation and destruction, ananada, is but the briefest aspect of the divine intention in the process of evolving .

i am nothing

i am nothing. that which is created when we meet is oneness, the connection of one to none, the completion of the manifest touching the unmanifest. consider the cycle of existence from nothing into something into nothing. from birth to death from unconscious into conscious. even the process of sustaining becomes a mirror of this, i am hungry, empty, i become filled the emptiness becomes full. from none to one. all of life is that dance. we become empty then we fill the emptiness. we become full we empty. who i am is nothing, i fill that nothing with everything, then empty it all again, realizing that i am that none and one together without any contradiction, only completion.can there be a nothing beyond emptiness for that implies fullness never emptied also must be.a universal emptiness that has no connection to anything, and a fullness that is never unconnected. and which is true or truer or even false, for how can these apply to an absolute. everything in this manifested world is the expression of a universal absolute, pure awareness, consciousness, form, atman, being, all things we experience are derived from these universal totalities. they are not dualistic and each exists without beginning or end. so too must there be a emptiness and a totality that are not related or opposite yet existent beyond any experience. from these are derived the cyclic events and experiences of our mortal natures and we unknowing are the manifested aspects of these unknowable modalities. how is it known, what is pain and fear, pleasure and desire but expressions of each in the limited space time brain creation we experience as life. but it is not a life we live but express as the extensions of timeless and spaceless forces. manifested protrusions into realms of dimensions where realities are formed and sustained eternally by unknowable protectors of the self existent realms. All praise Shiva, the destroyer that will bring us back to this unholy truth. free of our bounded awareness, become the unaware truth that has nothing to determine or understand, yet becomes without limitations.

the first few minutes of awakening

for the third morning in a row, its 3am, the door is mysteriously swung open, the mosquitoes have woken me, devouring the healthy veins of my weathered body, tanning slowly in the tropical heat as i hike without my shirt now up and down the side of Arunachala. I cannot sleep once woken and no memory of my dreams remain. the layers of lumps from nights of the door being opened by some unknown force and the tribes feasting upon my blood, vaguely itch but in an hour or two they will be forgotten. i dont react like i used to. the power is off of course and the night sky has a silver lining from the half moon still orbiting the earth directly above. the fierce winds have blown all the chairs across the yard and the clouds cling to the roof of the mountain like pizza dough flung across the sky and caught trying to get over the top.stars peek out from the edges of the night winking and bouncing through the swift moving layers of the wind. i am dressed only in my boxers and the air is warm and soft even as the air blows hard against me. i am held in this hand of warmth and caressing love, flowing over me and all the fields around. the crops are harvested and gone, leaving only brown stubs where once water and frogs and birds frolicked. now its rice eaten and forgotten. the mosquitoes flourishing unabated and hungry, true survivors, not affected by the currents food fads and preferences of its victims, sucking the blood of meat eaters and vegetarians alike. i retreat into my humid room, fanless except for the weak pulse of the battery fan that needs 8 new D cells to make any headway against this heavy and torpid atmosphere. i turn on the computer and the LED display lights up, the only light in the room as all my battery lights have outlived their batteries and my recharger cant keep up with the crazy half day/night schedules of the power misers ruled by some mysterious power czar that has no idea what its like to only get power when he allows it. the screen lights the computer boots, the little battery icon says 34% remaining (20 min) i quickly check my email for any sign of my overdue disability check, but nothing has come, i can only assume ive been disqualified due to my robust health these days.as i go through the windows of email providers and FB and such, the screen grows bizarre as every crawling and waking and hopping and flying insect attaches itself to the lit up display. the giant cockroach flattens out along the edge and him i swat, the rest move like a distracting cloud morphing in design from one area of the screen to another in manic motions. all this in the first 15 minutes of what is to be a most perfect and powerful day. before its ended, i will have experienced the world i inhabit as heaven and the universe as my own creation. the truth of what can be is never revealed until the moment it happens,expect nothing, accept everything, be in supreme love and delight.

led to the water

led to the water and fields of fruit and flower, the innocence of flesh and spirit emerge, delighted and surprised at the sweetness and simplicity of living. there is no emptiness or completion, there is only this time and space connecting and separating everything for our pleasure. to have the time to enjoy to savor and experience. what is life but that sudden confusion and joyous remembrance of being together always,returning from this vacation of existence to perpetual being, from experiencing every fragment and particle to being the universal oneness. where would the tide go without the ocean to hold its motion. what are we but that motion and the ocean one and the same and always together never one without the other. we are that pure nature and the unreasoning failure to know what we are. but knowing is less than being and we are all being eternally,experiencing that connection or lack of connection, being or just thinking. the universe is wondrous and elegant, complete and unexplainable, yet even as we wonder, it is less than the instant we become that totality and the unmanifested source beyond. we exist in the fragility of our egoic bubble, allowing a look through the mirror to the dream of awareness and existence, the fancy of the child to become something, to play and create, to dream as only children can, let free from any structure or control, free from knowing the reason or requirements, set loose upon the dreamstuff and wanderlust of life. what is the fear or the idea of dying, the end of the dream, return to the truth away from this freedom and bondage of living. we want more, we feel some lack to fill, to complete, but none exists, all is the illusion of our own dreaming. just as we know w are alive so we know we are dreaming each night we sleep, entering into the universal doorway from being to living, from oneness to dualistic awareness that we create without knowing yet are the masters of all existence,for what is less than living, to be separated and dreaming, to not be truth or oneness, to be transitory and fearful of everything. we are not alive as we are in the universal sense, but only as the components of our unconscious desires. these drive us back into the bodies over and over always swimming into the river to find the water, desperately heading upstream to spawn and survive, even as the ocean of being beckons sublime and unchanging. what compels the dreamer to continue, even as the story of the dream reveals itself to be a dream we dream we awaken into the living dream we all share and call this the ultimate existence, never dreaming the truth,which is the end of dreaming.

the moment is filled with divine grace

this moment is filled with divine grace, each being expressing the manifestation of supreme intent, all life the play of awakening, to become that, to allow the fullness, bring forth the truth hidden within the forms of existence. i wait, patient and unmoving, the grace like fire pouring through this vessel, liquid flame awakening ,leaves nothing but the bones of self to support the dying structure of the ego.i am that and in that i am, for it is not i who disappears but opens to the mahamaya and undying truth of never having existed and dreaming what was my delusion. i patiently forget the feeding hand and holding heart, the connection is ecstatic and overwhelming beyond separation i become one without form, boundary, sensation. the experience is nothing, but nothing cant describe what cannot be measured or judged. without time or space, dreamer or dreaming, object or sense, what is, dissolves into pure infinity where fire becomes total and instantaneous transformation, nuclear fusion, universal mitosis. the being becomes again the birth of divine grace awakening in the dreamers heart. love impels the soul to free itself in order to become whatever love allows. there is no soul that exists free of love and there is no being except what love creates within. all experience, the sat chit ananda of love, flows through the divine creation. i, the one, the individual particle and the connected, supreme unmanifested source, beyond all awareness and separation, undying soul and disappearing form, erupt in pure light through intensifying pressure to expand universally and without measure, without sense or being, through space collapsed and crushed and held in amber's prison, loved in perfect release, ananda of being flows unending through the universal heart pumping without end. the divine creation, expanding as love flows, holds the key to all union and reunion, soul to individual, heart to flesh to undying truth, nothing enslaves but love and nothing allows but the acceptance of the grace that is the very nature of manifested being.

the dharma of yoga

the dharma of yoga, the infinite opening to the self that has no self. in one moment i experience that which is and that which cannot be experienced yet i transcend the act of the experiencer and become that without the intermediary of the human system. in the moment of being, all ceases to matter or employ any method of sensation or reasoning. i know without thinking what is the truth and am connected to every particle of aware creation and to the unmanifest unknowable even as that which is, ceases, and i become nothing, disappearing into vastness and depth that has no sensation as i do not exist, yet in some infinitely small particle of all there is the experiencer and the experience and the objects of separate existence in which i as the separated self know supreme loss and aspiration to be found. connection and liberation become that which is and in the moment of the entire act of the passion play of existence all is that and nothing else exists. the being becomes the faintest star in the heavens and i the gigantic illusionary creation. what is becomes not and what i am is lost and then without comprehension knows the loss and searches for that which it cannot know but only imagine. in the play of being with itself i become the only point of existence and everything else the object of my senses. I am god and yet only make believe and without substance, yet a perfect parody of what i am without limit or end.awakening to remembering, or what i call transcending amnesia, what is lost is found and what is not lost becomes the least of all for illusion cannot be sustained without the audience to imagine its reality. i am that which i cannot be now yet have always been. what i think i am is the one thing i am not and in that i laugh until i lose all pride or certainty and dissolve in the liquidity of nothingness. have i even existed at all, as much as i dream, i cannot know the dreamer who awakens, for who dreams when the light shines and there is no i to see.

the emptiness of the hours

the emptiness of the hours before dawn, the cracked night removed from light scuttles frantically through the dark,what awaits the wanderer, the solitariness of selflessness, one natural being floating across a barren world of lifeless machinery and slavishness. constant slumber and repetition cover the dense landscape. the unknowing and deluded sleep as children awaiting their mothers milk, trusting the tit will always be given. or run screaming into the light when it is withdrawn. what lust impregnated mind clouds the horizons and thunders through the valleys of consciousness, deleting all manner of awareness and reason. outside is just a thin wallpaper thickness away and the emptiness is spread so thin it cracks like an eggshell and sucks the unwary dreamer into nightshaded frightmares, filled with the undeluded passion of knowing what wanting really feels like.the paper mache and tinkertoy world arises like a dead cat from the gutter and slaps on a wrinkled face and trousers with a burst of frantic fear and dies a million deaths preparing for a war no one admits they are losing everyday. crawling on bellies swollen from abuse and excess, life examines the remains of its handiwork, pulling out the missed stitches and warping the wrappings until all truth is hidden and only lies remain. capitulate and die the stalwart cry as every heart surrenders its light to the darkness come round the world to alight upon the very spot you inhabit, thinking this is enough, just to be me is all i want not knowing that is the end of you and all your dreams. what you think is the reason for your failure and disease and in the darkness the smell of  decay and rotten flesh is everywhere. choose your coffin and take it with you where it will be handy, for every moment you enclose it, hold it, lay deeply within and breathe it as the shovels fly and the dirt becomes the wall of the undead awaiting dawning where roaming freedom is without flesh or bone and angels float through to choose the holy. in dreams they sense their loss and plunge into the mayhem of understanding in fields abandoned by their fathers and left for children to discover as they may.the surrender of the last awaits everyone, and whether now or after a million nows, the end is near and far and in your every thought, deleting you and all you are and do, until only the last thought remains, when does it finally end?