before I was born

before I was born I chose this life, this role, these roles, to live out. not for myself but for the creation of truth consciousness.  the state of attaining the greatest expression of love and truth as not possibilities but the elements which make up this life. to each there is the choice, the roles are written and need actors to play them, to be hurt and to be exalted, to complete the finality of the divine being, to be the undeniable love that creates the universe, to heal the schism of denial and repression, to play out the part that extends the folding of time and space into a universal moment unending and expressing the ultimate and universal truth, that all is the all. all is every one of us and expresses itself through our sacrifice and uplifting death or rejection and suffering ending in death for there is only the finite exploding into the infinite as it cannot hold the middle but only the ends. I know I chose in this life to love, to be and to chase and to find and to lose all that could be and to only be satisfied with the ultimate truth of love, not the end points that define the limitations but the fullness of the ultimate being of love, in delightful harmony or in monastic ecstasy, all is love finding its true source and becoming a conduit for every truth about love to express itself through the consciousness that is in everyone of us. I have no doubt that everything I do was chosen before my birth, to seek the absolute and find every expression of it and share what I find. I know most of what I write is littered with unintelligible gibberish as my mind fades into the experience and my words fail me, but this life needs only to be lived to be true, to complete the facets of what is needed and the telling of the story that is being written as I live it. love beyond knowing, even beyond telling, a place without air or separation where flesh is the inevitable but not yet created and only the divine exists. to have been there and to be here where the flesh is the creation and the inevitable is the divine, there too all men live and die but none know the worth of their sacrifice but to suffer or to delight in the suffering, for without the eternal self encompassing all with consciousness, the soul remains asleep and awaits the awakening from within that must ring the bell in the belfry of the self. that dreamless state of life is not living but rather the ultimate knowing experiencing the truth of the Self in the self, only a few can play the role of the awakened and even fewer the awakener. the soul slumbers but sleeps not, everything everywhere is awakening when the Self arises. two children seek the light of the self in each other long before they are born and even in death they know all is the measure of their ability to be that or to fail in that and all is never lost or gained but is always the expression of the divine. in the heart of the universe love is created and evolves in the consciousness of each soul living as the expression of this evolution. and just as the truth has only one source and an infinite number of expressions, so too is the untruth and the denial and the rejection all part of the expression and summation of the experiential nature of its aspects.one life is the opposite of another though both play the same roles, reading the same parts, being the divine and the undivine, to express the weight of the living through the unknowable aspects of the universal forces at play.