the mind awakens at 4am

the mind awakens at 4am, there is no light no sound but the insects, power is off, air still and slightly cool, moist. the body feels aged, lack of sleep, exercise, daily nourishment, what is yesterday continues without a break. i remember midnight coming and going, the minutes scuttling by like a beetle investigating the soil and finding nothing, continuing forever. the thinking process has no starting point, darkness, temperature, emptiness abound, nothing disturbs the slow expansion into the world and what is beyond. this is death and awakening, the bardo journeys, the unmastered self succumbs to the lure of ending in the body and listens for its own voice, hearing nothing  releases and removes the last binding cord of devotion and remains still.i pray to the gods of what is left after good and bad, the twins of love and hate and endless acceptance. imagining the best i look into the silence and note that it remains, there is no passage no fruitless ending, but more and more of what has been returning. life the being, the reason for waking up, the i am-ing self, still responds like a billy club to the heart, there is something i want so get up. but theres nothing here, the world, the morning, the idea of becoming again that which is a relic of myself, the past replayed until what, nothing remains but the spindly notion that i exist and even that stands on matchbox legs and cannot speak, the hair and eyesight gone, the foot a stub of wood,no motivator, no prodding silence can endure but i remain and the silence draws me out like blood from a vein into the air still smelling of my ancient body exuding presence and particles of skin all that remains of the empty self that shuffles from this bed. the harness is thrust upon these shoulders squared as the volcano erupts and another pyramid must rise to endure yet another million sunrises before this kaliyuga can finally end.

as the mind empties

as the mind empties so does the vital find space, for the tricks and traps of thinking create waves of denial and fear in the engine of the self. yet even when the mind stops completely, the vital takes on the role as master and director of the ship of life. here the desires bring their need and fear is trembling beneath every feeling. one has lost the usual banter and play of the mind and now realizes the jungle of the self, the untamed and preying animal of the lower nature, easily the king of the world but scared as a child locked in a cellar, lashing out at every imagined threat, painfully scared and lonely. inside the self, the engine that feeds the desire to be, the living breathing creation of manifest being, is an eternal babe, a child to all life and love, the indefatigable enchanted one that has no guile or protection. without the mind, whatever has been created from years of human life becomes the life within, the fears and hurts and unending self reprisals create a mockery of happiness and let loose a monstrosity within that has no guardian. here the demon of the inner child has become the master of your fate and will not rest until all is set to its liking. here is the time to make amends within to share the guilt and sadness to soothe the sorrow of years left alone and scared and bring together the child with the parent and let love work where it is most needed, within, loving the small yet powerful self of the child that first came to life in this body and bring resolution to the life of separation. even years spent in therapy and self examination cannot prepare you for the force of the vital child, finally heard and felt, a living presence within that needs only love. now is when the child becomes the parent and the parent the child until there is only one and nothing can come between them. then the vital can be cleared, let loose the million pains and trials it has been living with, the fears of everyday life magnified in a childs mind and driving out of control the life that needs to find peace and serenity to continue. the monster within becomes the blessed soul of love and finds the connection to true joy in every moment. this is the source of bliss, the wedded love of the child to the soul and all grace does descend to this happy moment.

the electricity of dawn

the electricity of dawn, of arising, of newness once again in practiced form and circumstance for nothing ever arises more than once in this life that is not a divine manifestation of creation endless and forever changing. newness is not a result of placing old parts in a pattern that has not been imagined, or in the billions and trillions of possibilities found in the human brain and body alone. that which is alive and fresh and welcomed by the self as the pure birth of love and supreme embodiment is not in the form but in the very heart that witnesses all and sees only the nature of being expressed anew in every impulse of the human system. the light the reflection the experience of the senses, the worship of the heart the divine entrancement of the soul giving all to the one and lingering with such sweet passion with what has been given and gives unending and beyond reckoning until the separation of self and pureness evaporates and the new becomes the eternal light unfolding more and yet again to renew and realize the bond and forge of the metal becoming the forged tool of the divine and each muscle and tissue every blood and tear is newness of galvanized creation welded to the truth and rolled forth as this moment and every moment the vehicle of the manifesting power of all life all love all natural and unnatural forces found in man and god together and in their unending bliss create anew the life of pure joy, untouched by limitations and restrictions complete as the union of souls entwined in purpose and meaning, alive without end as the purity of being that is without any emptiness or requirement and is forever now and new and complete.the body has no mother and the soul no father but oneself purified in the flame of awakening.

to be in meditation

to be in meditation, to sit without thought or mind or desire to be anywhere else, to become the one moment, empty of identity and location. lost in the moment that drifts without memory. the self opens like a whirlwind deflated the detritus of its passage falling silent to the ground the winding spinning force stills, and what remains of that whirling spout, that center of motion, the locus of the gathered energy? it is gone and so is the illusory self, just wind stopped, nothing remains but the air still and the leaves and dirt fallen in disarray, no longer organized no more a part of anything. so the self is just energy just a temporary holding place for the being to experience the transitory nature of separate existence. So to this holding place, this shelf of self that we so worship, we give all our attention to, and so everything seems disappointing, changing, defeating all expectations of permanence, yet to this we cast all our hopes and dreams and life energy, knowing that it comes from nothing, and dissolves away the same one day. the truth is in the stillness, to take apart its illusion of motion and organization long enough to experience the force that brought it into existence, that lives it, that animates the thought of existence within each whirling entity of life. before life all being is one, experiencing the nature of self is dreaming and the awareness of the ocean is in every wave and eddy, no part is separate from the whole. it is only in the physical animation that one loses the sense of connection, becomes the brief experience of separateness, and knows suffering. and here is where karma becomes a force, in the suffering of living beings, for what is the truth of this life but the desire to end that suffering, that the little whirlwind would become weak or lost from the other whirlwinds, to know the source of the wind, to be that which gives the spin, to know all wind and air and emptiness where neither can be, to share the awareness that we are not that, but that which is the very stuff of the universe and its place of birth and death, that no wind is come or gone but only all is one wind and that can never stop, never let go of the vastness of the space or the vast space beyond. one being living in all, born and died and forever becoming one with the infinite separate selves each the expression of the one love one heart one soul forever.

the constant pattern of self

the constant pattern of self touches every experience, every thought, every action. the reality becomes an extension of the inner drama, the desires and fears created within reflect everywhere, yet nothing holds that energy but the form you inhabit. the form is the reflection of the universal self the forces of awakening and veiling, the maya and the mahamaya the ascending waves of ananda and the shattering of pain and suffering. all is the newness and the expansion, the new energies the divided self the unconscious being unknowing and arising from matter to become the channel of the divine in the evolution of the dream into pure being, pure awareness, into divided consciousness and fragmented existence. the experience of separation and the union, merger, of love and truth creates all life all death all experiences and prepares the way for the transparency of the divine form to descend deeper into the undefined unconscious matter. for that which cannot be known and cannot know it own unconsciousness awaits and and cannot evolve without the divine descent from above and the preparation through the human form to bring aspiration from below. for we become that unconsciousness and transform it through pure sacrifice and love until every cell, every unaware portion, prays for its own divine deliverance and liberation, and through this we are teaching the very inorganic life to rise up and know their own divine ascension. each soul is trapped in the unyielding slumber of tamas and the density that only the heart of a living star can create. and from that unseeable expression of force and light comes supreme darkness and undelvable depths of solidity and unbending form that is forever alone and like the divine unchanging in its refusal to awaken. so there is man and his more fluid and emotional nature to find the way from unconsciousness to the divinest life and so through living example bring forth the water from the rock and set free every unliving thing to become as we are living truths of the supreme nature and full collaborators of the divine will and evolution.

the hours before sunrise

the hours before sunrise, the working hours of my day, when the light is a prescience of faith, that each day a new sun will rise and the world will continue and no matter what prevails there will be life and love and joy available in this heart. I sense the mingling of forces, powers, energetic waves and tides that surround every living thing and rest quiescent in the deepest matter and unliving forms. in the hearts of men the power is unleashed and dynamic touching upon everything in the consciousness, alive, nervous seeking relaxing. each beings signature of flow and touch is like a fingerprint or a face, each beautiful and alive each a mirror to the heart and mind a doorway to the soul. i feel every moment a life coming a life touching another and another and as the room fills the energy becomes like a wildfire smoldering, unstoppable and dangerous waiting only for a breeze to spring to action, to consume to experience each and every possibility of union and destruction, of mastery and control, of mate and matter, the quest never ends but continues as if alone as each moment a billion strands of a billion lives entwine everywhere around you. this world circles as the energy bends in the cosmic flow that surrounds this planet and carries it with the solar stream through endless space, yet here it is the unaware, the quiescent and dormant nascent awareness that dominates that envelopes life and tamasicaly deepens the unconsciousness around everyone and everything, to not know to not sense the endless burning light in space and not feel the wind of the earths rotation or the alignment to the center of the galaxy that every orbit brings to each being upon this tiny globe of organic matter surviving in empty space for billions of untold eons as men and their embodied spirits evolve and practice and slumber upon this earth. the light comes as the rooster crows and what of the night and its revelations, for day is come and the heavens but for the shining orb of the sun is gone and even the smallest passion of men supplants the need to know more and ends the thoughts that trouble the hearts of poets and seers, for the sight cannot be unseen and the knowledge is not words but the truth is plain in every place, this life this heart this moment is god redeeming and forgiving and giving eternal service to the creations that are here.

a long breath is taken

a long breath is taken, held to its perfect expansion, then released as the air within becomes the fire of the supreme joining the prana of existence, the force of consciousness realized and brought to life. we share in the creation through our consciousness there is no separation from the universe only the unalterable suspension of our beliefs and preferences. what we call life is a living dynamic expression of the supreme nature within and without joining as one to become that which is beyond the individual and expanding the awareness of the universal.nothing exists but the divine ananda creating and being experienced both through and by the supreme in all forms. we have no senses or feelings yet we are the very thing that is being sensed and felt. who is the magic transcendental being that experiences both the self and the supreme without paradox or doubt, each eye upon the other seeing only the truth of what is created and through consciousness divine ananada is the force of separation returning to the well of inseperable being. flow current connection all the illusions of separation fills every instant and becomes all instants eternally, become one and never die, never despair , never doubt the ocean of love that is all and everything without end.

the only movement is to the center

the only movement is to the center of self, consciousness like a whirlpool draws everything to itself. all we are is a movement, a direction that has no fixed point to reference, we separate from all else and then imagine we are the fixed point that all else refers to. the truth is there is only one fixed point and it has nothing but itself. when there is awareness it exists everywhere at once, consciousness is a fixed point in that field, its attention focused but meaningless except as a reference for the awareness. it becomes a self referencing field drifting in complete emptiness. but as in all scientific analyses, nothing exists in a vacuum, all consciousness and existence were created together for one cannot exist without the other, the observer must quantify the observed, else there would be no cat in the box.in that moment the supreme consciousness the universal attention brought form from chaos and diffused energies. the observer imposed order and motion so that space and time could rule the elements within. consciousness is the context of existence. it holds all the elements as data structures in the openness of its attention. as each structure is attended to it flourishes. this happens on both personal and the collective, where the universal elements are maintained and certain structures are dominant as the resonate with the divine and others are transient lacking the qualities that support the dynamic structure of the complete creation, so in the collective we see interests and forces affecting many minds and hearts yet none are made by men and just so at the most individual level we imagine our thoughts and feelings to be our personal creations and properties yet we are constantly reacting to these larger structures that we are completely unaware of yet they affect everything we think and feel. this is because the self we think is thinking and feeling is not real, it is only a collection of individualized reactions resonating in the individual consciousness from the collective and universal planes. there is no self as in a true individual creator somehow separate from the supreme being, yet it is that reflection that gives us the belief that we somehow do have control over our lives, but this in the limited sense is false, there is only the supreme self and its actions in the universal and all that exists here is but a reflection of that a reaction to the collective reacting to the universal.once that is realized then the true nature of reality expands infinitely and mans role in the divine creation becomes clear as a individualized reflection of the force on this physical plane so that there can be the movement of the manifestation of the supreme will in all the layers of the creation from the highest unknowable progression of infinite and universal powers down to the unconscionable densest matter that cannot know or be known, as the source of its existence is lost and there is no consciousness there to bring any attention to enlighten what is. man sits in the unique position to be made of this unenlightened matter and yet be infused with the supreme awareness so that the force of this consciousness can be attuned to that which has none itself. and so it is from the highest to the lowest that the energy travels and it is this downward motion that enlivens and enlightens the tamasic matter and allows the passage of pure divinity through all its creation. we are the source and the mediator of the matter to the supreme and in such we are the untouchables of the divine population, dealing in the lowest forms and deepest unconsciousness of matter. but first we must become pure light in our own form our own consciousness and then  in this transparency shine the divine light upon the unreachable darkness within and without.

creation tears away the fabric

creation tears away the fabric, its force rends the veil and captures a new light a particle undiscovered. its messy and unstructured. it follows a rhythm beating in a heart so loudly that it cannot be ignored. sometimes the child must be born now and sometimes in small passages but always its life must be brought and paid for. the action is supreme and has no other way to move, it cuts both sender and receiver, the here and now becomes the truth and the light and the dark and the unspoken rejection of all that cannot fathom the hidden secrets and expressions they too must have. the electric lights hum and flicker with the delivery of ancient generators and condensers travelling through wires corroded and spliced again and again. the air sweats with the crackling current and the walls cast in shadows and yellowed dimness hoard the insectile life and stand flush and thick with concrete resting on marbled floors too elegant and loving in this wild place. the barking dogs and distorted music from nearby farms is clear across the surprisingly chilly pre dawn air. i cast love about and wonder at the life i can hear and feel everywhere and through each window both physical and in my heart. every wave of energy, every thought feeling movement stirs in me, has a movement a plasticity that bends my awareness and rushes through like a fleeing bird finding refuge. i perch here with every newness every unfelt and unknown trembling in my fibers and nerves and pulsing veins responding like a million strings tuned across the board of a gigantic instrument played and tuned for the cosmic delight and dance of billion centuries of living, and from this i am born and brought here to know it cannot ever be anything but the love and the ananda and the bliss that allows each and every moment to explode with such unending creation flowing like rivers of blood and cries of pain and passion that every instant there is nothing  but the bringing of truth where only love can be. and that river bent on the dams wall of broken trees and damaged banks pushes endlessly until the whole thing moves and lets loose a new torrent of life and love and freedom. becoming the flow and the push and the swirling i lose all sense of direction or time  or meaning and flow as the river becomes the sunlight and the sea the stars in the sky and all points are eternally distant and near to me and find their end in the shining gleam of my eyes.
 

there is always work

there is always work and when there is no work there is meditation. it is best to be busy with life for touching the world is how consciousness expands in matter. to infuse everything around with the love and joy within is the way of the gentle warrior. the strength to love and the humility to surrender to know that this body is a gift and treasure, learn from every teacher, and know that all you meet are sent to help you, none are less or more only part of the divine manifestation growing through everything. every sunrise brings the light to show the way and every sunset beckons the self to go within. work the sunlit hours to perfect the integral nature of all that is surrounding to flow with all that fills and emanates from within. the energy of the body and the energy of the world are one and flow in perfect harmony if undisturbed by fear or desire. accept all that comes and know its own delicate or intense nature, let what is in out and what is out in until there is no difference and the light shines perfectly between. place every blade of grass, each flowers blossom, the splashing waters way and movement, into your heart and soul, let your arms wave with the breeze and feet move with the rolling of the earth for all things are meant to be in harmony and nothing exists without everything holding together. i do not exist without you and you without me, its not that every part is eternal but rather every particle exists everywhere at once, and once touched is never let go. there is a heart in even the tiniest breast and in that beats the love of living and sharing. communion deliverance from suffering untold ecstasies all are the right and purpose of life, and too each there is coming the moment when this is not only possible but absolutely assured just as breathing every second never ends as long as life can be lived. for who you are is not important, only that you are and all life shares your every moment in this world.