sometimes I think after

sometimes I think after I act and then notice that what was done is perfect or maybe just necessary. ha story of our lives. but its the inner beauty coming out, the magic moment when the mind is disengaged and the truth has no filter, the reactor is reacting, the world stops to watch and what is going on inside is let loose. that's the karmic world alive with the unconsciousness of its own energy. I suppose that's what my last note was about, just reacting in the moment to the concept that anything makes sense, but their are rules, and whether Buddhist or catholic or hindu or muslim, agnostic or atheist, the flow of the divine demands certain rituals be made and principles observed. me for example, its necessary to remain pure and diet clean of animal, exercise and meditation daily, then the quiet energy of the force awakens within and I create a flow from every cell of the world around me to every cell of my being and there is a simplicity of seeing the oneness and the doneness of all living things. I become the result of existence, the solution to the equation using the Occam's razor of the single truth over any dualistic sense. it is life and love and being that becomes one in the completed nature of the human Being becoming just Being in the moment.
this morning I ascend the Mountain, Arunachala, the manifestation of Shiva who is real here and beyond understanding but in the heart of me there is no doubt and I go to follow his rocky face and sweat buckets of love upon the dirt. this is my path and it is the most difficult because even I cannot explain it, but it is the I within that takes me there. I wish you could feel this moment, reunited with the most divine life, knowing there is nothing else and letting go of the shreds one held up for reason. now the self collapses into its portions of needs and wants and unhappy confessions and only the truth remains to go on. I surrender this life again and again to the path of love and truth, for both are needed to become the truthlovelight that flows through all creation, and from that condensed nature all things come, all improbabilities possible and life as man is his own creator becomes a finished work and from here the path is ended. I collapse and get up both a changed reality and the unending moment shivering in the nakedness of my own awakening.beyond this life I reach to the end of the body and the birth of the soulbeing to one heart beating in all and onebeing feeling everything.

the impossible exists

the impossible exists only to instruct, for it is in the struggle to attain that change can actually begin. as long a there is complacency, the process has no opening, it is when the system is in conscious conflict that there is a possibility of true learning. for it is not the mind that has to learn but the heart, to open to enliven to deepen to trust. listening to a divine spark within requires faith and surrender, neither of which exist in the human desire system. it can be said that a man truly addicted to a drug or person or an object can learn many truths about what can be let go to obtain that which is most precious, it is always only a shift in the consciousness that creates the opening to see the divine in every action. the secret to divine life is to live it. in every day, there is the opportunity to do divine work, to perform sacred action, to live in a sacred manner. all around there is direction given, clues and obvious suggestion and opportunities abound, all driven by the divine being, showing the way. never is the seeker allowed to be disconnected from the influence of the force that is supreme and everywhere and in everything. but the seeker and non seeker alike are allowed to see or not to see the obvious truths that are all around, from every interaction there is opportunity and choice to go further into the divine or to wait upon the sidewalk looking into the window full of dreams. for it is the thing that needs to open that is needed, the heart that cannot see with its eyes focused on the daily problems and frustrations, to open to the possibilities for love that each being carries and unconsciously or consciously displays to everyone around. seek not the divine in emptiness for that is a hard heart to see, but rather in each being you meet everyday, and soon the one divine truth will enter the prepared heart, one open to the light and seeing it above all others knowing it is ever present and always there.

i have climbed the Arunachala

i have climbed the Arunachala within, seen not the wall of the mountain outside me or the distance to be walked, but gone within and found the height and length of the obstacles and become more than that, traveled their boundaries and found love surrounding all. there is a lightness and joy that cannot come from action or achievement but from being the country one lives in. this heart a golden light is the shining mountain and this awareness the road that never ends. i am ready now to go without to be with all and to cover any distance or explore any unknown way. the light has truly come and with it freedom is bought without any price but in moments of purity and absolution. oh divine soul let this small part become your servant and lover your smallest treasure and eternal companion. i set before you this life unworthy as i have been and pray for your acceptance without measure. i cannot see the ends of your divine light and though darkness be all around it cannot obscure any part of you. let this heart sing the song of the morningales and fly forever in your skies. i exalt in your existence and my finding you everywhere i go. what cannot be found now cannot be lost and nothing knows you as i do. eternal night and perpetual sunrise giving everything and taking nothing that is not yours, divine essence of all tastes and sweetness, each pungence and odor of the burning wick, i adore thee and cannot live without you. let this soul be yours alone and none other, this heart beats with your love and cannot live without you. i am nothing and in this emptiness you have come and only that joy can bring me to you and you in me, forever.

what matter which god

what matter which god i choose or choose not to choose? this truth of existence does not change and my role in it remains what it has always been, the experiencer of the awareness, the agent of the heart, the light bearer or the seer of the light, neither is the one but is a part of the totality of the one.to have been for a few moments the one and the experiencer of the one, that is enough to be. this world is but the holder of the flame, the keeper of the sacred oil, the striker of the match, but the burning is one and the same for all. from the emptiness i come and to that barren field return, for this is but the nightshade and the daylight passing over, the eyes open and emptied of the dreams just passed. i have not left this world but i also have not remained unawakened, just confused by the karma and the unending punishment of life. for some its a party, a joy a gathering, but from this life it weighs like an anchor and never lets go, the only place left is inward ever inward and from that journey there is no return. but to what is there to come back to, there is no home, no forgiveness and no change, just the streak of light and the darkness it traverses. i love and love is changed to need, i give and the taking empties the soul. what is life what is death, what is love or awareness. none exist but in the perception and what perceives, what is aware, alive. for this body carries no truth and this mind holds only the outline of the form not the truth within the boundaries and without. beyond this life i lived without body without mind without world, where am i now if not there but imagining here, or am i here imagining there, or is there not a difference but the mind collapses in trying, for who exists but the force that animates each life like a puppet and a string, pulled every which way but loose and always dangling without a life of its own, is it my own hand that lifts the cord and jerks the dancing figure, there cannot be another for everything is me and nothing is free of that whether in this word or any other no matter what the self may be. to know is not enough for the experiencer, but is everything to the knower. live as though love is and it becomes your existence, let it go and the totality of knowing cannot fill the hole that remains.