the tourniquet tightens

the tourniquet tightens, the thought of loss constricts the entire being, what is there worth living for. this life, this mess, this endless pain, there is nothing and i the only awareness is suffering. for there is only me, the small and helpless, the victim of the desires this world creates in man.and i want nothing more to do with it neither to add or subtract from it for every action sinks deeper into the tarry pit and pool of reaction and struggle. the only thing that can be done is nothing, to sink to the floor against this wall and let loose a mighty wailing and despair. for none care and none can understand this emptiness, this broken waste of a life. thus begins the spiritual life. the dejection of the human is created from an event or series of events that renders this human life meaningless. with the realization that nothing on this planet can change that, the being within hears the call that it has waited for through lifetimes of drama and passion. i give up, i cant do this, the end is here. these are the signals for the being to offer the truth that cannot be understood as long as the mind holds to the notion of possible advantage. for even in despair some see the possibility of pity or creative rebirth, sometimes there is that desire to be helpless so that one can ensnare others in the trap of your creation. no this must be the true death, the end of wanting end of seeing any thing worthwhile for the self. then the being can offer the truth, that a greater force than the ego can bring all suffering to an end. for the soul in despair is truly the divine light shining, for how else can the ego be let go of itself, until even that seems like a joy to let go the burden of being you, of being a shell of a self, a weight that has no substance but desire.and what engine of destruction greater than ones own desires and the impulse to fulfill them. that leads perfectly to the wall and wail and the giving up, for nothing fulfills and all triumph turns to defeat in the world of the flesh. we see it in our parents and friends but vow that can never be our fate, its the stuff of news and fiction and movies and life but somehow we never see it happening to ourselves, until the trap is sprung, the noose tightened and the rope we have been given begins to hang this sufferer from his own lonely hand. the truth is not an easy thing to see so the noise of the mind and the vital must be stilled before it is heard. and only when the self can truly say enough can this happen. the drinking the sex the lust for power and money what is it all in the end but madness and pain, for each generation says i wont get trapped and each falls into flaming ruin. only the divine life is true, to give up all human aspiration for the supreme union and love can this life become a path to the end of suffering and the purpose of love and joy, not only for the experiencer of the divine but for the divine herself in you and you in her, become the one, the truth of all creation, the fulfillment of divine life and the eternal knowledge of undying existence for all.