i am being destroyed each day

i am being destroyed each day in ways i didnt know there was a me there to be destroyed, yet even that which feels is lessened and that which experiences is left deep in a well of unbearable sensation and delight. the emptiness of self is never empty enough as long as even a shell remains. we examine this smallness and see the inevitable capture and completeness of its magical ability to entrap and enwrap the being in such sense and nonsense of desire.even the smallest thought that this is mine or i need this cripples the universe and upends the cart of divine travel pulled by the oxen of infinite patience and service. for who am i to be riding when there is work to be done and others to gather for the harvest. i enliven this self and elicit my own response to that which i am subject to and in it all i reveal that which is not me and yet surpasses my ability to control for that which i am slave to is both master and subject of this illusion, the only being is ultimate and has nothing to be brought or taken, and in my wandering mind the simplest attachments take huge space and conflict with emptiness that even becomes a desire for nothing.what is it i am and how is it destroyed even in the wilderness of surrender and letting go, the wildness of having only the divine and knowing the thought that is not thinking but envelopes the tragedy of existence with bliss of being and the ananda of creation. i flow like a waterfall and though i am smashed in the delight of the rocks below i become the river and the oncoming ocean of awareness ever reaching the horizon and falling into the well of spaceless realms beyond. how am i even in this place where there is space and time and desire, for who are you listening but the self that speaks and nods in agreement and has no concern for what can or cannot be. i steal from you to add to me but who is the loss and the gain the sufferer and the pain, the only one here has no sensation but to be and from this eternity has come aspiration to see another as me and know what that could be and in this divine play we become the one another would desire and then end all play until a higher power is ever come. i beyond i and self beyond self we have no understanding of no self of being less selflessness, yet we aspire beyond even comprehension and Mother gives even that for to chew upon the gristle builds up the force of destruction and the transformation of awareness for man to know there is no man and no world and no self but the unknowable and the most divine is just a picture we draw to understand we cannot imagine who we truly are.

the tourniquet tightens

the tourniquet tightens, the thought of loss constricts the entire being, what is there worth living for. this life, this mess, this endless pain, there is nothing and i the only awareness is suffering. for there is only me, the small and helpless, the victim of the desires this world creates in man.and i want nothing more to do with it neither to add or subtract from it for every action sinks deeper into the tarry pit and pool of reaction and struggle. the only thing that can be done is nothing, to sink to the floor against this wall and let loose a mighty wailing and despair. for none care and none can understand this emptiness, this broken waste of a life. thus begins the spiritual life. the dejection of the human is created from an event or series of events that renders this human life meaningless. with the realization that nothing on this planet can change that, the being within hears the call that it has waited for through lifetimes of drama and passion. i give up, i cant do this, the end is here. these are the signals for the being to offer the truth that cannot be understood as long as the mind holds to the notion of possible advantage. for even in despair some see the possibility of pity or creative rebirth, sometimes there is that desire to be helpless so that one can ensnare others in the trap of your creation. no this must be the true death, the end of wanting end of seeing any thing worthwhile for the self. then the being can offer the truth, that a greater force than the ego can bring all suffering to an end. for the soul in despair is truly the divine light shining, for how else can the ego be let go of itself, until even that seems like a joy to let go the burden of being you, of being a shell of a self, a weight that has no substance but desire.and what engine of destruction greater than ones own desires and the impulse to fulfill them. that leads perfectly to the wall and wail and the giving up, for nothing fulfills and all triumph turns to defeat in the world of the flesh. we see it in our parents and friends but vow that can never be our fate, its the stuff of news and fiction and movies and life but somehow we never see it happening to ourselves, until the trap is sprung, the noose tightened and the rope we have been given begins to hang this sufferer from his own lonely hand. the truth is not an easy thing to see so the noise of the mind and the vital must be stilled before it is heard. and only when the self can truly say enough can this happen. the drinking the sex the lust for power and money what is it all in the end but madness and pain, for each generation says i wont get trapped and each falls into flaming ruin. only the divine life is true, to give up all human aspiration for the supreme union and love can this life become a path to the end of suffering and the purpose of love and joy, not only for the experiencer of the divine but for the divine herself in you and you in her, become the one, the truth of all creation, the fulfillment of divine life and the eternal knowledge of undying existence for all.

as an offering, this life

as an offering, this life is nothing. all we are is the very dust of the universe compressed and given breath, given animation, the mind set in motion like an endless machine, the vital grasping and desirous.what have we gained in the decades since birth, what is this pile of belongings and small victories and defeats. we create nothing, we take from what is available and call it ours. then we surrender that as if it is. no, surrender is what we dont have, a life saturated with the force of love and given to the work of no reward. to give up all that we think is ours and place the self in the fire of offering. this life is not to be gained or promised but to surrender to what is hers, the Divine Conscious-Being, the  Transcendent, the Universal Mahashakti. To sense her within us, there must be no resistance to the force, to the direction to the transformation within and without. every moment with her is Divine delight. the life without suffering, knowing each movement is hers each action her action, each result only for her. what can be ours that was not already created by her? Is there a world that you created, a new thing that was never before known. Such is the ego of the artiste, the craftsman, the writer and the musician, each creating a sound a form a n idea, that comes from where, from the very things given, the mind, the heart the body the elusive soul, all a divine birthright but not the humans possession. once the idea of ownership is let go, then the true nature can be revealed, not a loss of insignificant possessions but the gain of the true manifestation of the being the divine force within that transforms all life and all thought action aspiration into pure truth love consciousness and the connection to the Supreme love that gives all. we are not the owner but the owned not the master but the slave and in our everyday life we wear the chains of many masters but all are the children of the Transcendent life the Supreme Shakti that never fails to sustain and uphold all existence until we can become one with that force and begin to assist in the work that the Divine for all history has been engaged upon this world and all other worlds of this universe.to become the conscious collaborators of this work we become the instruments of the divine and in that being we become one with her force thought of her creation, will of her purpose, hands of her enormous strength and wisdom, there is no end of our self and her true and unmeasurable being and as we become that one ness that supreme union all knowledge is replaced with becoming and pure existence is our truth and devotion, there is no end to the creation of being and no end to the manifestation and its forms. yet that which is eternally has no touch of pride or ownership only the divine delight and in that we become the truth of ananda and bliss beyond this world and all worlds the pure elixir of being flows through each molecule of our being.

o delirious love being

o delirious love being
i worship thy lolling tongue
i walk in circles to see all and more of thee'
all my senses reel in the magnificence of your supreme beauty
no word can describe nor photo capture the radiance of your love
what cannot be known is felt and only time itself can reveal all that you are here in me
for the whisper of your breath sweeps away all fear and heals with the sound of divine delight
correct me to my ecstatic fault and show me thy pure ananda and bliss
for all i know is false before the sight of thee
though i light a million candles i see only thy brilliance and power
and here the darkness knows no end but for your coming all is white and forever sacred
into each hovel and hut such grace descends and from each window pours songs of devotion
thy only glance assures each moment is never ending and only thy heart exists within
your feet upon a bed of my hearts own blossoms touch no dirt or uncovered soil
for your love purifies everything inside me and i cast away all faithless turmoil
one word from your lips and i am forever speechless
from your eyes i see nothing but divine truth and light
what blindness now encompasses all for nothing can compare with this supreme delight
for you this lullaby of my heart is sung and i would travel round this world to be by your side
never let a moment pass without your love to be my guide
mysterious love, entrancing love divinely love and supreme love
all love of thy divine life
all ananda of your Supreme Ananda
immortal siren of the ineffable effulgent Ancient and most holy One
all is thine and before thee none can stand
for the universe is upon thy heart and within all are carried forever
ever present, ever knowing ever loving being beyond this life of beings
without your love what means this world or man or creation
in moments gone you come and before i am you are, here i remain and everywhere you rush to become
what wealth of life and living you bring and to my soul the river of divine truth now flows
bring the flowers and the vine both true and holy parts of thee
and beneath this ancient bodi tree
enlighten all of me
 

the totality of your existence

the totality of your existence is experienced now, the experience of past or future is all a projection from this moment. the experience of space/time is part of your consciousness, it focuses the attention. the events of your past and future are all shared in this consciousness that has no limits.
all is frame and conjecture of the truth
every slight phrase and comment is the shaping of reality
Simi: I fully comprehend that
Simi: All is on a spectrum of consciousness...
Simi: How evolved
Simi: And how diluted
yes and the passage from one frame to the next is limited
it must be created in the portal of aspiration
at all levels there must be a spark to ignite the fire
and that is loves tremendous force
its creates the spark and the fire
and the soul is riven with the experience of possibility
what simple thing is the light of love yet it changes entire worlds in days
sometimes i can hear the yearning just walking through the night
from dreamers and sleepers tossing and turning
the world is asleep and in their dreams are the stuff of truth and nightmares
Simi: Yessss
Simi: Absolutely
i no longer rest like that
the dreams are not bidden to me for i am the wakened even in repose
my dreams are the worlds of the dead the holocaust of the Mother
each light snuffed out as it passes the portal of the night
and a world goes black with the unwakened fear
chance is the coming of the indwelling being transformed
but the world is large and the number few yet here it seems so concentrate
what is the truth now that the supramental has descended
chance has become the reality and seeds sown are sprouted without effort
this light this sacred form seems in every eye transformed
for there is a new world dawning and i see its limpid eye opening
seeing for the first time the unreckoned truth
yet the dream is strong and the flesh weakened by the inactivity and nature of the mind
to hold even a candle in the wind of denial is strength unknown
for the forces see the coming and have no where to go
the lights of the world are spread thin but each touches the other
and the veil is lightened and lifts easily with the wind
if in one moment there is an opening and the light is shining
then the darkest heart can see the way out
this shell, this flesh has no memory or future, it plays its part and exits without complaint
but the soul has no place to go, no end to run to, this play is just a dance and the music never ends
what madness the endless beating of the heart and breathing of the lungs, when no air or blood are there
this life this mystery is the truth of pleasure and pain, the foundation of a sin of confusion and the tricks each actor knows
for the faces change but the soul remains the one that cannot be anything
Simi: I am just sitting here reading everything
but is forever waiting.
this world the point of concentration, the cauldron of desire becomes the fulcrum of the divine to lift the truth from the sorcerers stone and bring some tiny essence from the madness, some opening to the divine that was not before complete
yet how that can be or be done is yet a mystery and more it has no end or opening until the words are written to bring it forth
and what can be written that has not been said before and in truth there are no words possible
so play upon play upon unconscious play
the world is woven in the fabric of untold divinity and transposed deities, each a mirror of the one
yet nothing bring the sun closer to the night or the light further than the stars
yet wondrous be the creation this life this tiny world is all that matters and what is done here is the change of the soul and the evolution of the undying being
unconscious is the undying Brahman and conscious his creating force, yet once and for everything it is all in change and flux without end
love has come from the separation and it can never be stopped
never
the truth is the manifestation of this force and its power to transform even that which brought it into existence
awareness is becoming conscious of its emptiness because love has opened its heart
and what is love that even the heart of darkness is its slave
the promise of endless ending, completion perfection and destruction, the ultimate upheaval of all that is and in its end the promise of newness and delighted resurrection
each heart knows this cannot end yet it must or nothing will be destroyed
and with one swoop that which cannot be becomes and what was is not again and again as the new becomes the old and new again
there is the unpredictability of this life this separation that acts out the infinite in the individual
every day
i cast the form of the moment into the crucible of unformed expression and it becomes a living thing that goes its own way and i just follow and sweep up the pieces
and this i cannot do on an iphone
for one bludgeoning finger is to little a brush for this sized canvas

what is gratitude

what is gratitude, the expression of love for what you have, for the moment to experience it to have the capacity for feeling love, the gratitude of dreaming, to experience the unimaginable truths without fear or physical restrictions. this life this moment you live, the wind blows a breeze that has traveled endlessly to reach you, air millions of years old, refreshed by living creatures dedicated to service for centuries, filled and refilling millions of lungs billions of times, never ends, continues without fail even as the earth travels to distant reaches of space and time, we cannot ever let go of what we have, the intensity of human existence, the feel and the taste, the knowing and the connection as every blade of grass and star in the heavens conspire to merge into you, to grow a you in the nursery of earth. and what is that place, that rock that speck of dirt that has no knowing of itself, that sees only its billions of faces but not the face the universe sees, the crucible and center of consciousness, self awareness the separate self enabling the universe to know who it is that is being created here, who is the creator and the created for the universe is the object as much as the subject, and theres no rules how this is done, for one thing is certain true awareness consciousness does not grow from lack, from scarcity, from the nothing, for that is the end of awareness the end of the spectrum of existence to be that to become the void. in the universe, there had to be the point of connection, the universal touches the finite the individual and there anything could exist anything could happen without restraint, for to be separate is a horrible idea, a true macabre creation for what could grow in the middle of nothing and become something nothing is not. but ordained it is and we the enjoyers are also the sufferers and penitents of design, for its our fault this happened and it happened to everyone, and we are that one and everyone and we all know each others suffering and cannot stand it, so we cope and collapse and continue with the experiment, the creation, the nursery for consciousness that must evolve until it can function as the universal consciousness for its a done deal, its already acheived its just in this separate self everything is chopped into the microbits of time and experienced sequentially so that consciousness can maintain its separateness and not become the whole before it has attained the state of understanding, the full maturity of the self, the universal being of the self becomes the other, the separateness and then sees the design of the whole and understands the purpose of the nursery and begins the long arduous task of changing diapers and feeding the ones that can be taught how to care for themselves and then others as this self this process of reorganization of truth, and yes it happens on its own, but there is endless suffering as the consciousness lacks its own awareness and its unnecessary. the youth are being brought to the state of the supramental energy quickly but the older ones are unused to the source of the divine within and fight the programming slowly, unable to turn as a ocean liner of memories collapses the spirit within. all is the design of the divine nature to become alive, to be the individual within the infinite the universal speck of sand and the universal everything, to see what the nature of being encompasses and if it has anywhere to evolve in this configuration of existence. time has no weight or substance yet it creates the illusion of the separate existence within each drop of the ocean, and each floats alone unknowing if there is water nearby.

nothing gladdens this heart more

nothing gladdens this heart more than to see all my children and help them on their way to spiritual and worldly independence. both require a surrender to the process a surrender to the outcome a surrender to the forces that create and sustain and also take away anything and everything we think we do or have. all we are comes from and returns to these forces and no one is beyond their reach. this small world and our human societies and personal systems are simple and childlike even in our most cruel and distorted ways, the gamut of human emotions, the limits of human thinking and rationale the expression of small realizations and revelations all fall within a narrow confine and do not rise above the lowest planes of the mental and physical and causal existence. the beings of pure light and supramental existence do not inhabit the earth plane but do control its functioning and the shepherding of the human flock is but a tiny portion of their responsibilities. Mother Nature is a single aspect of this consciousness that envelopes not only all human awareness and experience but those of every creature and being alive or in dreaming stasis in the universe. the universal mind, the universal experience the universal awakening is the life of these beings and the progression and care of the human world of the falseness and suffering is part of their own universal sadhana and we the agents of their divine development, for nothing in this existence is greater than any one part and every bit of unconscious matter and undivine thought is the limitation of the whole and cannot be just excised or deleted as nothing in this universe can be created or destroyed except that it be transformed into a higher or lower energy of itself. what appears to be the lowest form of life or inanimate matter is still the form of the divine and imbued with an innate consciousness that is shared with every other bit of matter every shape of form that has any sense or awareness of itself and its surroundings. but just as a rock can block all progress by laying on the road so too does this world and its delusion and refusal to change create a possibility for the advancement of those beings travelling on this path to universal and divine consciousness. it is a wonder that these same beings can exist in a human form on earth to do this work and to discharge their duties but as humans they too must feel the long weary toil and painful setbacks that are the part of the flesh in its natural state. whatever the outcome of their work the divine ones on this planet all follow the same path, they bring the light to the darkness and give every thing, all their love and strength to even one soul that can transform in this unconscious land in this cauldron of transformation where the lowest reside as kings and the pauper who has nothing is the only man free to find his true home and assist with the work that is never finished.